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Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Hero review

Today I went to the dealership. As I was looking around the lot, my eye was focused on a particular vehicle. The dealer dude walks up and starts chatting it up a bit when he asked,
“So, ya looking at a vehicle for trade-in value?”

“Trade in?!? My P.O.S.?”
I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time! Read yesterday’s entry to understand why

The movie Hero featuring Jet Li may be a movie that thorough plot lovers may avoid at first glance. That would be a mistake in this case for Hero is awesome! For the action enthusiasts, there is plenty of really cool swordplay and other weapons that my ‘ninja turtle' knowledge of the subject could only try to comprehend. The plot is very much parallel to current debates between Reps and Dems in that Yimou Zhang portrays Jet Li as a patriot for the union of a future, peaceful China.

However the plot and action is not even close to the best part of this movie! While I was watching this I was dreaming of a future home theatre system with Hero playing. I can just imagine my future neighbor banging on the walls to turn down my tv volume of water dropping from rooftops (from Hero) because it makes him have to urinate. That particular scene does make one want to grab their pants and limp to the toilet!

Finally the scenes are so beautiful! It’s makes the background of every fighting game look like children playing with crayons. There is one fighting scene in Autumn and tons of bright yellow leaves floating with each swipe of a sword… or whatever death tools they use.

Hero uses a lot of imagination by the characters and flashbacks. The key to understanding these somewhat confusing flashbacks is in the main colors. If the scene looks surreal and you wonder if there was an irritating love affair with the color green, it just an interpretation or a story being told. But I suppose ya may not need to be told that. I’m not the smartest person in the world and I had a little trouble.

Another aspect that may seem complicated is the use of subtitles. It’s really not that bad once you get used to it. In fact another movie I recommend uses subtitles, In July. I rented In July from Blockbuster when I came home to find out it was subtitled.
“F--- me running!” I said! But it turned out to be one of the funniest, sweetest movies ever and it’s GERMAN! After the movie was over, I felt I was one of the most cultured people ever! All I needed was a mullet!

Back to Hero

Quentin Tarantino had something to do with this movie, but I don’t know what exactly. From what I have been reading about, it sounds like Tarantino was responsible for keeping a certain scene that supposedly ‘westerners wouldn’t get’, or something to that nature.

This is really a must see! Go right now, forget your children or the Twins (they WERE winning) and just go right now!

Morneau just hit another home. Listen and you can hear Gardy say,
“Doug who?”

Monday, August 30, 2004

The introduction

This is the first official post for the "groteskberg" blog, so ya better warm up a new pair of pants.
This blog will mostly focus on my thoughts
...and of course other topics.
I imagine I'll talk about Minnesota sports, movies, music, and current events and ,of course, the campaign.

I'm running for president with my old boss at the liquor store, Sean D.
We'll win, dont worry.
Yeah, we may not be rich, and powerful, and we may be lacking in the 'who you know' part, but whatever. We just need about 220 million people to write my name in the ballot.

no prob man!

The GOP is holding a party, that should be a enough to write about for awhile.
They know about morality by the way!
I plan on resurecting the crap list from our bad-ass college radio station.
I haven't figured out which day, but my sources (me) believe it will be a Monday thing.
So to start out, here is the First Grotesktom craplist!

1. liberals, conservatives, Republicans, and Democrats.
You all make me sick! Ya'll act more immature than me at a woodshop class. Whenever a conservative says one thing strange, Libs are like
"YOU GUN TOATIN'-CREED-LOVING GOD BOY!" and then a news station will have a story on riots at the GOP convention (who would've thought there'd be riots at a GOP convention) and conservatives are like,
Just grow up people! It's a total shame how we just can't just dissagree, snort a kilo, and go home!
2. My damn car!
Anyone want a beautiful '90 Regal? Otherwise I'm going to aquaint it with my baseball bat and other choice 'tools of destruction' just like in that old arcade game, 'Final Fight'. This summer in Sodak, I had this P.O.S. car and we (at the Forest Service) were almost taking bets as to what'll fall off the Regal the next week.
No one won anything. I mean how is one supposed to guess that the cover to the catalytic converter will fall off one day or the panaling to the drivers' side door will fall off?
The Ol' Man told me today that I should take better care of my car!
Yeah right dad, how many people do you know with a '90 Regal in mint condition! Pfff you should've took better care of your damn '78 Chevy where you could watch the road go by just by looking at the floorboard!
3. Doctors that you just can't seem to trust.
I went to get my eyes checked at a new eye doctor (new insurance policy) and this dude said my eyes were crap.
What a revalation that was!
Then he's selling me glasses that were $700 before insurance kicks in.
I remember paying my glasses in full at other places for around $200.
So I said,
"Screw this man, I'm just goin blind. It's probably cheaper"
4. Adam Kennedy
This guy could be the all time home run champ if he just played the Twins 162 times a year in Anahiem. This is the same guy that found a way to pull 3 homers outta his cloaca during game 5 of the ALCS in 2001. Kennedy is lucky if he hits 10 homers in a year. It would be like Luis Rivas going off against the White Sox for a trio of homers!
Unthinkable and irritating.
5. This last week of summer.
Lets face it, this is the last week of summer. Once schools open up (or at least they used to) after Labor day, the weather hits and ya get that sinking feeling. The beautiful days of summer have been replaced by the dark, dreary, beetle filled days of Autumn.
yeah, it's just plain ol' crap man!

There's the first crap list! Feel free to make additions by emailing me at at