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Thursday, September 09, 2004

Aloha Friday yo!

(And it don’t take money, don’t take fame, don’t need no credit card to ride this train)

Everyone on the radio has been talking about the upcoming baseball playoffs and the team that the Twins would play. As of this point it looks like it’s going to be the winner of the East Division. Which means it’s the Yankees or Red Sox. Despite their second half run, I want to play the damn Red Sox.

As a rule of thumb in baseball playoffs, if a team is playing the Red Sox or Cubs; then good things happen.

Actually I was dreaming of the best possible scenario for a playoff run.

First off,
Being a HUGE underdog to the Yankees in a 5 game series. The Twins stretch the series to the full five games with the fifth in New York. Just like last years game seven in the World Series, the Twins go on to shut down the yanks so all the fans can stare in disbelief.

THEN,
The Twins end up playing the Red Sox in the ALCS and losing the first three games by a depressing amount. However, the Twins end up squeaking three wins in a row with small-ball and annoying texas leaguers to bring up game 7 at Boston. And just like any Red Sox playoff opponent, the Twins end up coming back from 5 runs down in the bottom of the ninth to win the American League crown.
Only adding to THE CURSE.

AND THEN,

Playing the Cubs in the World Series AND taking that series to the full seven. Game seven, bottom of the ninth (because the AL has home field in the WS), Twins down by 3, two out, bases loaded and here comes Luis Rivas. Rivas then hits the ball in the corner when some fan starts making fun of Moises Alou’s Grandmother and Alou proceeds to argue with the fan, ignoring the ball. Rivas then rounds all the bases and the Twins win the World Series.
That fan will then get blamed for tanking another shot at the title and forget Alou’s critical mistake.

Luis Rivas then heads the parade into the Metrodome with everyone putting Rivas on their shoulders.

The end.

Wouldn’t it be nice? Well, Luis Rivas can be replaced by Torii Hunter or someone else of course.

Anyway,

More Football Picks
Tennessee @ Miami
Tennessee will run the hell out of the ball against Miami in a hurricane ridden Pro Player Staduim
Titans 21-Miami 9

Oakland @ Pittsburgh
Does anyone even care for this one? Oh well, Pittsburgh wins this ugly battle with Oakland not being able to flush the toilet
Pittsburgh 17 Oakland 3

Seattle at New Orleans
In what is probably the most underrated game of the week (which isn’t televised in The Cities) I think this has all the qualities of a barnburner. Both offenses will be flowing great, but the Saints offense will edge them out in the end. The offensive loving fans will then have to change their shorts.
New Orleans 38 Seattle 35

Cincinnati at NY Jets
To me, this game seems a little more interesting than years past. The Bengals have a really young offense that could be due this year. The Jets have Pennington with an old Curtis Martin. I like the Bengals in an upset. Cincinnati then throws a parade.
Cincinnati 28 NY 17

San Diego at Houston
[yawn] who cares
Houston 24 San Diego 10

Jacksonville at Buffalo
The home opener in Buffalo… I take Buffalo in the snow. It will snow 24 inches
Buffalo 20 Jacksonville 14

Detroit at Chicago
I think the Lions have finally turned it around. Just that after these last couple years, winning six games is incredible. Joey Harrington gets a comb shoved up his rectum in the process though.
Detroit 23 Chicago 17

Baltimore at Cleveland
From the last couple years, it’s apparent that Baltimore doesn’t really need an offense. It does with Jamal Lewis. Luckily that’s all they need this week with Ray Lewis murdering Jeff Garcia.
Baltimore 17 Cleveland 3

Tampa Bay at Washington
Washington’s new offense is no match for the veteran defense of Tampa Bay. Joe Gibbs realizes how much he misses constant left hand turns
Tampa 30 Washington 13

Arizona at St. Louis
I don’t think this is an absolute shoe-in for St. Louis, but they win nonetheless. Denny Green has a huge breakfast that morning.
St. Louis 34 Arizona 24

NY Giants at Philadelphia
The Eagles always seem to disappoint early in the year. I think that will be the case this week. Owens then gets into a shouting spat over fecal matter.
NY 20 Philadelphia 17

Atlanta at San Francisco
Well, at least this wasn’t the stupid Thursday night kickoff game. I don’t know if anyone really cares about this game either. Atlanta wins because the 49ers end up screwing up more. Damn screw ups.
Atlanta 17 49ers 7

Kansas City at Denver
This is good one yo! One of the best rivalries in football! Just that Denver has a defense. Holmes gets injured and is out for the rest of the year. Pissing off everyone who had the first pick in their draft.
Denver 38 KC 21

Green Bay at Carolina
Carolina’s defense is too much for Green Bay. So we’re halfway there for a perfect weekend!
Carolina 30 Green Bay 13

Dallas at Minnesota
Yeah the perfect weekend (Pack losing, vikes winning) will be complete. I can’t see Dallas doing anything, especially in the dome. Moss kills ‘em again.
Vikes 35 Dallas 20

Of course this is just a goofball’s opinion without even seeing any of the teams playing.

Hell, I already got one game wrong.
Aloha

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