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Monday, September 20, 2004

Crap list 9/19

(My anaconda don’t want none unless she’s got buns, hon)

Maybe I should’ve waited until TODAY to give out my Vikings pick. Damn.

I could’ve titled today’s entry as,
“VIKES WILL WIN BABY” but no, I screwed up.

I did have the pleasure of going to a local establishment on Sunday and attempt to watch four football games at once. I really couldn’t keep up. I had the volume of one game on while I was watching another and… WHOA, scores on this screen while there’s an injury on that one. It was hard.
Yeah, I know, life’s a bitch.

Crap list

1. That gawd awful Dolphins/ Bengals game.
This is one of the bad aspects of fantasy football, watching horrible games. This game was probably the worst I have ever seen, and knowing that it almost went into over time just kills me.

Imagine being a quarterback with 5 Joe Namath’s trying to protect you. Last night A.J. Feeley could’ve only wished he had that stacked line of Namaths’ because…
HE DIDN’T HAVE ANY LINE AT ALL!
The O line would just watch guys’ blow right on by and on to Feeley’s back.
I’m not a Dolphin fan, but damn, that line was terrible.

Now it wouldn’t be so bad if the Dolphins or Bengals had a decent quarterback, BUT THEY DON’T! A.J. Feeley S*U*C*K*S, Carson Palmer, before his last minute drive, S*U*C*K*E*D.

Then the damn play calling was unbelievable. You’d think that after a person runs into a brick wall (unsuccessfully) thirty times, an offense would stop calling the play. NO! They kept giving the damn ball to puke-ass Lamar Gordon twice every three downs!

2. The announcers on ESPN
If the actual game wasn’t bad enough the presence of Joe Thiesman made me want to vomit. Joe Thiesman may end up being the second dumbest person ever just after whomever is running John Kerry’s campaign.
With almost 4 minutes to go, Miami is about to kick off after scoring on a TD (for once) to make the score 10-13, Cincinnati’s favor with both teams having 3 timeouts left.
Now the whole game, both offenses were doing nothing, running 3 and out. Theisman then says,
“Well, I think it’s a little too early for an onside kick”.

(blink:blink)
I HOPE YOU DO, THIESMAN BECAUSE YOU’RE DUMB AS HELL!

Pat Summerall was also the play-by-play man. This guy seriously needs to retire! I think he announced that Jim Brown was the starting tail back at one time.

3. Sunday’s without Vikings football
The whole day on Sunday seemed incomplete. I was watching all these football games and all I cared about was fantasy football squad. I didn’t have the heart in it. I was watching the Packers lose at home, which was satisfying, but I needed something to complete me. Something like Kate Beckinsale on a moonlit night or a Vikings win would’ve sufficed. Hopefully we’ll get it tonight!

4. Guys who impress their girlfriends by acting stupid.
One always sees this at a movie theatre. It’s worse than a short, drunk guy who thinks that he’s all-powerful. Instead you have some stupid kid trying to say something stupid like, ‘WINNEBAGO’, really loud and for no reason at all, just to get laughs from his girlfriend.
Then there’s the obnoxious guy wearing socks to his knees and sandals with his visor upside down and backwards.
Now that’s REALLY cool! I’m sure there’s a cool guy out there that fits that description, but please try to have your own look. Suburban rodeo clown is not IN anymore.

Until tomorrow



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