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Sunday, September 12, 2004

Hog, you bastard!

After a week of letting my opponent ‘cool down’

I would like to let the mud slingin’ continue.
I just feel that since I tried so desperately to screw him out of a couple fantasy football points, that he’d stop by and ‘throw hiz gunz in da air’

His contention to lure your vote is that he’s “not Berg” because he only wishes he were me! I mean with such strong constituents and such outstanding ideas (not to mention a sweet ass, SIGNED Minnesota Moose Starter Jacket), I would be jealous of myself too!
Not to mention that last picture of him ALLEDGEDLY capturing Poncho Sanchez is nothing but a hoax to collect votes from the gullible. He actually has a Sanchez look-alike at his headquarters. He waited for the perfect time when his poll results were slipping just a little bit, he then played the Sanchez card.

Don’t need shaggy or Fred to figure that one out. However, I wouldn’t mind if Daphnie would help me with the next caper.

Hog, do you really think that I would be talking to the REAL Poncho Sanchez? I don’t even think that “picture” was real! In fact, that gun looks like it is filled with vodka.

And people, I know where to purchase guns filled with vodka.

He probably did have a better time predicting football picks though.

On to the crap list

1. People who stop right in front of you.
Okay, I’m at the fair right, well I’m trying to get to the milk place as fast as I can (because I just had a bucket load of Sweet Martha’s Cookies) and I’m speed walking behind these people that eventually just stop and look around. Now I’m just stuck behind them and I almost had to throw myself out of the way because they stopped so suddenly. Then I hate the people that just stand right in the way. People, find a place, OUT OF THE WAY, to stand and talk or do whatever you need to stand around and do.

2. Every damn salesperson that I visited.
Now I have every damn salesperson CALLING me up and acting like my best friend. Cards are nice, but the damn phone calls, ugh.
Salesperson: So Tom, I have a great deal on that that Grand Am. You know the one that died on you when you test-drove it?
Tom: Really? Well, sorry to break it to you, but I already found a car that doesn’t crap out on me the first time.
Salesperson: Oh, and how much did you pay for THAT?

That’s when I hang up. Damn snakes

3. Centipedes
You know those ugly looking critters that appear in the corner of your room. After spending a whole summer away from these ugly things, I’m just getting my first glimpses of centipedes. I know they eat other critters and they do more good than harm, but couldn’t God (or whoever) make them so they look a little less repulsive? Couldn’t they have like a nice hum to them or maybe the shape of an M&M would make them more tolerable? I mean I’m not afraid of death and I’m not afraid of public speaking, but when it comes to a little critter the size of my finger, I go nutz over.

4. Friends encouraging you to buy expensive things.
Lately I have been in the market for a television set. There’s the regular tube tv’s that are really cheap nowadays and the HDTV’s. Being a television connoisseur myself, I want to look into HDTV sets. Well, this dude is like,
“So when are you getting your plasma screen?”
“When did I say I was getting a plasma screen? Do you know how much they cost?! However, they do look nice. Umm probably in a month.”

Now I was just had by my buddy. Freaking brilliant if I say so myself.

5. Finding the perfect place to live. Only finding out that it was too perfect.
So i see this ad,
"House for rent, totally furnished, $400month, and great location". Sounds like a steal of a deal and I call the place up. Turns out this elderly woman is looking for a roommate. Now i have nothing against old people. Well, actually I have a lot against old people, which is why I WOULDNT LIVE WITH ONE. I already live with two old people whom I know, I wouldn't want to live with another that I dont know. Sounds errily similair to what I had to go through this last summer.

Van Halen rant part II coming this week...


Hog said...

Does anyone even read this?

Boof said...

apparently you do! ya bitch!