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Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Music Review: Elmo & Meatwad

(Don’t it make you smile, When the sun don’t shine, Don’t it make you smile)
‘Smile’ Pearl Jam
It certainly makes anything by Maroon 5 or that damn Vanessa Carlton sound like fingernails on nut lining.

Just when I thought that ‘the one hit wonder’ was all done, she’s come out with another vomit-laden song. Vanessa Carlton is the prototype for one-hit wonders. Cutie girl with a lace-ridden-bubblegum-pop hit was the case about 3 years ago with that ‘Walk a Thousand Miles’ song.

You know the video, she’s singing on the back of a pickup because her parents at home can’t stand her singing… something to that nature.

Her latest video (and I don’t know where I’m seeing these videos at) features her at the piano (big surprise) and another Vanessa in the next room doing the ballerina thing. As a fan of the female vocal, Vanessa Carlton sounds like Elmo. She makes Dido look like Shakespeare and makes Santana—well; Santana’s still a sellout.

I don’t know how these people become famous or popular.

Take the reggae rapper dude, Shaggy. If anyone has ever seen Aqua Teen Hunger Force, you would know that Shaggy sounds just like Meatwad. How can anyone listen to any music by Shaggy and not laugh?

And Britney….
I remember last year I got sick overnight. I woke up with all this sexy hardened phlegm (yes I had to use spell-check for that) in my throat. When I proceeded to talk I, for some awful reason, felt the need to bust out my ‘OOOPS, I Did it Again’ routine. I was too exhausted, but the voice was there. All I needed was some Charmin and I’d have the boobs to go with it.

Breaking Benjamin
Take anyone’s head and put it in a vice grips. Get the head nice and firm in the iron, place a TV with DVD player in front of them, and have them watch any movie by Paul Walker. Yes, it’s torture, but whatever noise comes from the torcher-ee is going to sound pretty close to the best work by Breaking Benjamin.

There is my music critique.

I do apologize for not submitting my Monday Night football pic. It sounded like a crappy game anyway.

Until tomorrow...

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