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Thursday, September 09, 2004

Tom's Advice 1.0

(MIGHT like you better if we slept together)

Mitch Hedberg is performing at the Orpheum this Saturday, September 11
I do believe that I’m going,
Anyone want to come with?

The first installment of Tom’s Advice

How to talk to people in mourning.

Some of the most awkward conversations are centered on the topic of death. Usually one has had a grandparent pass on or a great aunt and it’s hard to sound sincere and maintain the flow of a decent conversation.
Like so,

TOM: Dude, man so what are you up to this weekend?
X: Well I actually have a funeral to attend. My Grandmother just passed away last night.
TOM: Oh, uh….sorry man, you alright?
X: Yeah, I guess….
(and freeze!)

See, now is the time in the conversation where ANY topic you bring up sounds just plain stupid! It’s way too hard to change the subject from death to say, stuffed animals from county fairs, or the similarities between Cool Whip and Miracle Whip.

I have the appropriate answer that adds sincerity and instant accessibility to change the subject.
Like so,

TOM: Dude, man, dude what are you up to this weekend man?
X : Well, I actually have a funeral to attend. My Grandmother just passed away last night.
TOM: Oh man, I’m sorry. My alternator in my car just died. I know how you feel man. But I don’t feel too bad because I bought a lifetime warrantee about four years ago.
(and freeze!)

Now the whole awkwardness has totally left the conversation and you expressed efficient sincerity.

Just that, now X thinks I’m an efficiently stupid moron now.

But hey, no more awkwardness!

Early Football Pick

Indianapolis Colts @ New England Patriots
I believe the Colts will beat the crap outta New England by a tally of

With Marvin Harrison having a off day of 3 TD’s and 240 yards receiving.

Actually Harrison is on my fantasy team, so that guess is just pointless.

Kinda like trying to figure out the outcome of the first game of the season.

More picks tomorrow

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