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Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Van Halen Rant part II

(she seems to have an invisible touch yeah)

All I have to say is…
Damn those Packers.

I would like to use this time to continue my rant on Van Halen and other bands that always seem to screw up, talent wise. Allow me to use my John Madden impersonation,
Here’s a band where each member is full of talent musically, but they waste all that talent talking about womans’ private parts.
I consider Eddie Van Halen to be the best guitarist I have ever heard. Better than Page, Gilmour,his idol Clapton, and Santana..
Carlos Santana, that’s another rant right there! Now he’s a session guitarist who doesn’t write his own material but just recycles his old guitar licks AND gets all the credit!
A lot of people consider EVH to be a one-dimensional guitarist with his two-hand tapping technique. If you ever listen to the VH rhythm section that is usually drown out from Hagar’s screeching, you’d discover some wonderful guitar work.

As I mentioned before, Van Halen III was a disappointment commercially because it didn’t contain any songs about sitting in a car and trying to grab women’s asses.
Heaven forbid.

There were some bad songs on III, but there were also some good songs as well.
It’s such a shame that a bunch of talented musicians will write and perform such udder crap!

Another band that has been in this same situation is none other than Def Leppard. DL has been known for their crashing drums and their catchy choruses along with their numerous songs about grabbin’ ass. In 1996 they came out with the album, Slang. Slang was an experimental album that I consider to be before its’ time. Songs like Truth?, Work It Out, and Pearl of Euphoria were really songs to think about and seemed to be a refreshing direction that DL could always continue on.

As far as advertising and selling of Slang, Def Leppard would tell people that it was a hybrid of Salt ‘N Pepa and Metallica.

WHAT?!?!
Salt ‘N Pepa fans never bought the album nor did Metallica fans and rightfully so after such a stupid comment like that.

This, I believe, is one of the many reasons this album failed commercially. Not to mention that for all the good, interesting songs on the album, there are quite a few horrible, laughable songs like the title cut, Slang, Turn to Dust, and Deliver Me.

After this album flopped, the next album, Euphoria, the band basically said that they just milked the old, 80’s, material right down to the name.

Def Leppard now have been relegated to playing state fairs and have never been more terrible.

So Def Leppard, Van Halen, if you’re out there,

Quit writing song about grabbin’ ass!
Until tomorrow

2 comments:

Hog said...

OK, does anyone besides me ever read this?

Hog said...

oh yeah, I almost forgot. Fuck You!