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Friday, November 26, 2004

Adrien Brody's got a big F'n nose!

(So whats the use in all these words, where’s the heart that I used to love)

That bitch Brandon Stokley did it again. Stupid cracker (it’s okay for me to say because I’m white) stole three touchdowns from starvin’ Marvin! It was Marvin that should’ve had the six-touchdown day! Well, one could say that Harrison had a good day with 3 touchdowns and all, but I wanted more; I expected more!

-Since no ones wondering, I had the mashed potatoes and gravy first.

The relatives came over as well and I must say, I did a fine damn job of ignoring them. I really didn’t even make a conscience effort to ignore them either.

My dad was getting wasted on Smirnoff Triple Black and he was telling, anyone that would listen, all about all the drama going on at the workplace. He’s telling the story like my uncles work along side him; he’s throwing out like 20 names (some of which I don’t even know). Then he wants to start talking about natural resources, so naturally I try and step in. Every damn time I would talk, my dad would look at me like,
“Hey, you’re crashing my party and what the hell would you know about the dynamics of gas prices?”.
I think he may have forgotten that he helped contribute a portion of his hard-earned wage so that I could attend the UofM and receive (knock on wood) a Bachelor in Science degree in NATURAL RESOURCES AND ENVIRONMENTAL SCIENCE!

My uncle then realizes that I know a little bit more about the topic and then we start chatting it up. My dad, in disgust, then heads on in the kitchen for another Smirnoff Triple Black.
This is exactly why I dislike family gatherings. Why can’t Mom just lay on the couch for 5 hours like she does on a nightly basis? Why can’t Dad just watch the speed channel and yell at anyone making the least bit of noise for interrupting the fascinating ‘in car’ interviews.

INTERVIEWER: So Donny David, what is your current strategy for this year’s Viagra 500?
DONNY DAVID: Well, you know Phil, I’m just trying to take really fast left hand turns until I see that one goofy looking flag. Then I’m going to get me a lawn chair, drink some Blatz, and masturbate to this, here, portrait of President Bush.

Why would anyone want to interrupt that?

Then there’s my brother, he wakes up at 11:30am, says hi to the relatives, and heads into the driveway with paper towels and Windex. He then went on the clean the barf from his passenger side door like it was any other Thursday.
Like in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, my bro earned mucho respect for that act. I almost felt like helping him clean it off too!

Anywho,
football picks

I rocked ass on Thanksgiving going (2-0) because not anyone would’ve picked the Colts to win… and uh NO one could’ve predicted that the Bears would suck ass either!

Anyway I’m (88-70)

Cleveland @ Cincinnati
The battle of Ohio. I have no damn clue. I’ve been a bit of a Browns fan this year only because I have Lee Suggs. I have no clue, Browns probably?
Browns 20 Bengals 10

San Diego @ Kansas City
Was that really me that predicted the Chiefs to beat the Patriots last week? If I would’ve just had a little common sense and predicted another Patriots victory, I would’ve won like 11 games and being even more unstoppable on my picks. I think I have something against the Patriots.
Chargers 37 Chiefs 20

Baltimore @ New England
If the Ravens had any offense I would pick them. I remember the good ole days when they had the likes of Trent Dilfer and Quadry Ismail. Then they would sign anyone and everyone with the last name of Lewis. That was the year they beat that high-powered offense that was The New York Giants behind Kerry Kollins. What a screwed up year that was!
Patriots 27 Ravens 13

Philadelphia @ NY Giants
I don’t know what it is, it just doesn’t seem like the Eagles are as good as their record shows. Right now, the freakin’ rams are slotted as the last wildcard team in the NFC with a 5-5 record! The NFC is like the Eastern Conference in basketball. Speaking of basketball, HOW THE HELL DO THE T-WOLVES LOSE TO THE PACERS? WTF?
Eagles 34 Giants 24

Washington @ Pittsburgh
You know, I have always been a Steelers fan. I think I still have my Rod Woodson jersey from like 10 years ago. I remember in Madden ’95 that he was a ‘10’ in speed. I’d have the dude as my running back, receiver, and punt returner. The Deion was a ten too. Just that he couldn’t tackle worth a god damn!
Steelers 27 Redskins 9

Tampa Bay @ Carolina
I’m playing the Carolina defense, therefore it seems completely clear to me that the Bucs will run all over the Panthers.
Panthers 28 Bucs 26

Tennessee @ Houston
I saw that Seinfeld reunion show tonight, twas one of the fastest hours I have ever lived through. Larry David is the kind of guy would love to just hang out and watch tv with. I got the bloopers on one of those DVD’s that came out and they’re fantastic!
Texans 24 Titans 10

New Orleans @ Atlanta
I think that Micheal Vick has more 100-yd rushing games than all my running backs put together (and I have six!). That’s probably not a good thing eh. Although I get tons of points for Vick’s wild interpretation of running from the cops, I wish he’d run a fucking touchdown in once in awhile.
Falcons 34 Saints17

Miami @ San Francisco
I was watching that Seattle/Miami game last week and just when announcers were calling it a night and giving the Dolphins the game, the up and fuck it up again. Speaking of the Dolphins, have you seen Marino try like a madman to keep cooled and calm when someone mentions his record of 48 touchdowns in a season? I bet he’s got a checklist of touchdowns needed by Manning and after each touchdown, he beats his wife (and/or homeless man) a little harder.
Dolphins 25 49ers 17

Buffalo @ Seattle
Buffalo really put a number on the Rams last week and (surprise) the Seahawks haven’t lived up to their predictions. Since the Seahawks are playing at home, They’ll win I guess. This is the type of game that completely screws up my record.
Seahawks 34 Bills 20

NY Jets @ Arizona
I always have to pick the Cards. I actually somewhat long for the days of Denny Green. Everytime I see Tice playing Bennett and then Smith, and then just give up the running game altogether, I wish we had someone a little competent in there. Apparently it seems like if the vikes don’t get any meaningful yards in the first five carries, then fuck the running game.
Jets 17 Cards 14

Oakland @ Denver
Stupid ass Rueben Droughns made me lose last week. I was three minutes too late on fetching the dude one day. Holy crap, check out Adrian Brody’s nose in this pic. He’s got to hook up with gonzo-er Sarah Jessica Parker.
Broncos 24 Raiders 7

St. Louis @ Green Bay
As much as I really hate the packers, I have to go with GB here. The question remains,
Who will shoot their load over Brett Farve first? Madden, Michaels, or (the darkhorse) Tafoya? Eh Madden by a long shot (pardon the pun).
Packers 28 Rams 20

Jacksonville @ Minnesota
I just don’t like this matchup at all! Jacksonville has one hell of a run defense which means the Vikes will have like 7 carries (as a team). I can see Fred Taylor running his ass off for like 160yds. Prove me wrong guys! Prove me wrong.
Jags 21 Vikes 10

H has some babes that you can check out on his site. He’s rated some babes that I completely forgot. He even found some WNBA hotties (which I refuse to believe).

Have a great damn weekend

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