(Don’t start me up cuz I’m not your rolling stone, but I get stoned with a little help from my friends…)
yadda yadda yadda..
Did you see what happened in Washington DC last Sunday? The Redskins lost which means the incumbent (Bush) is going to lose the election to whoever is running against him (Me).
That’s right, it’s pretty much a lost cause Hog. I’m expecting a call anytime now to congratulate me. No matter how much your hooligans stuff our ballot polls, I won.
I DECLARE MYSELF THE NEW PRESIDENT
Lets review my platform and compare it to Hogs
1. ‘shaving’ the excess population
-Apparently Hog wants everyone to have 50 kids like Shawn Kemp.
People, do you want to live like Shawn Kemp?
2. Fast food breakfasts…..ALL DAY LONG!!
-Hog is satisfied with the 10:30am cut off time for food. Pfff you’re the only one hog!
People, imagine crunching down on hash browns at 6pm. It’s fairly close to heaven.
3. Giving Nerds what they deserve.
-Hog is PRO-nerd therefore he supports their stupid Magic games. In fact I do believe Hog has a magic card himself, if I’m not mistaken
People, do you want a nerd as Commander in Chief?
4. I am for the environment
-Which means that Hog is against the environment.
How can anyone be against the environment? That is completely ludikris!
People, do you want someone who is anti-environment in office, whatever anti-environment is?
5. I am for progress in America
-Which means that Hog is ANTI-PROGRESS.
Need I say more?
I drafted Kurt Warner on my fantasy football team. Therefore, I have the closest football player to Jesus. Hog doesn’t have anyone with the caliber of Jesus (Kurt Warner) on his team unless he drafted Scott Stapp himself, WHICH, he didn’t.
7. Foreign policy
I am for foreign policy. Hog is not.
It’s easy folks!
People, I don’t need to clip on some stanky ass tie, I can only be the best President I know how.
I want to invite everyone to ‘JACK THE VOTE’ this year.
Either vote for me or stick it in your ass.
And God Bless America.
North America specifically.
The US more Specifically.
Kristen Davis even more Specifically.