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Thursday, November 11, 2004

Presidents Cup II

[CUE: MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL THEME]

{Are ya ready for some football, Monday night party we got Al and John and Michelle here and we’re gonna get the party started. The Deer play the Mighty Mallerds, the crowd is syked, all my rowdy friends are here on Monday night}

Al MICHEALS: Welcome to Hellsville, Wisconsin where the unmighty Mallards host the second annual Presidents Cup against the throttling powerhouse that is, The Deer. First off the story of the year is focused on the lowly defensive struggles the Mighty Mallards face on a weekly basis. They just cannot score enough points to win in any week despite the help of MVP candidate, Daunte Culpepper. Meanwhile, it looked like The Deer were traveling that same path until about a month ago when they played these same Mallards. Since then, The Deer have racked up a four game winning streak behind the likes of Tony Gonzalez and now rehabilitated, Onterrio Smith and have crushed every opponent they’ve played, tallying up two ‘highest point’ totals. John, the question remains, Who are these Deer, and how many are there?

JOHN MADDEN: Yeah, hehe, puh it sure seems like the last couple weeks there have been some big bucks and probably some five legged caribou on The Deer’s roster. At this point it seems like the Mighty Mallards are stuck in a oil soaked pond or something(inaudible mumbling)Eh.. of course I don’t know why I am here today because this…puh this, Al, is hardly a game at all. Here’s a team that should’ve pressed the ‘self destruct’ button on their rocket ship already. In fact, I was fully expecting the Mighty Mallards to forfeit. I’m really looking forward to this bucket of chicken I bought that’s still in my big freakin’ bus.
At this point in the season, the Mighty Mallards should pack up and probably think more towards next season before their quarterback injures his ACL on his buttbone or something like that. Ace is the place for me!

AL: John, what do you think the key is to this, uneven match up tonight?

John: Al, hehe puh this game will probably come down to points. That is, how many points can each team score against each other to win? Eh, specifically I believe it’s going to come down to whoever has the most points, I mean that seems to be the best way to determine the winner. That and I saw The Deer’s Marvin Harrison and Micheal Vick practicing ‘the Tree’ earlier and eh, it looked like they were ready to play. I eh, I don’t know Al, (inaudible mumbling) I’m really hungry for some chicken.

AL: There you have it, we’re just about to get started in tonights clash over the second annual ‘Presidents Cup’

[CG: Helmets colliding]
(boom, boom, boom, boom, BOOO, DUN…DUN… DUN… DUN)




eh, anyway last week for picks I went a bitchin (9-5) despite those ‘upsets’ and overall I’m (66-61) which is better than last week. Ugh

Kansas City @ New Orleans
Gawd, how the hell can one predict this game? The damn Chiefs gave up 34 points, not to the Colts, Vikings, Seahawks, or Rams but the damn Buccaneers. How the hell does that happen? Priest Holmes isn’t going to play, which is good for all the people that DIDN’T have the number one draft pick in their league. Chiefs pull it out though.
Saints 38 Chiefs 28

Baltimore @ NY Jets
Man, that Baltimore defense almost screwed me completely last week. That damn seven-point, 106 yard interception TD was enough to garner some swear words out of me. Isn’t it just stupid to have the Jets play in Giants Stadium in New Jersey? That’s just crazy! I’m thinkin’ NY in this one in a blowout.
Ravens 27 Jets 24

Detroit @ Jacksonville
Jacksonville is good against the run, that’s good because the Lions have a runningback. Uh, just like every other team in the league. In fact every team has just about 4 or 5 runningbacks and maybe another on their practice squad. I’m rambling because I don’t know what to say about this game. Detroit pulls out another victory.
Jaguars 31 Lions 6

Tampa Bay @ Atlanta
Atlanta has had a two week rest while the Bucs were too busy handing KC their own ass on a platter. This game is going to come down to points, who scores the most….Actually that was my Madden impersonation, I think that Micheal Pittman will score all over Atlanta’s ass, thus handing them their own ass.
Atlanta 31 Bucs 10

Pissburgh @ Cleveland
Man Pissburgh’s been on a roll. Beating New England then Philadelphia in the last two weeks. Cleveland on the other hand has been alright, they totally subzeroed when they played Baltimore last Sunday, but whatever. I’m thinkin’ Cleveland though.
Stellers 27 Browns 13

Seattle @ St. Louis
It’s over, Mark Bulger is a dud. If this guy learned anything from Kurt Warner it was the art of sucking huge ass. They have this media-loving overrated offense that manages to make Mike Martz look like a dillhole. Plus, they still play on that stupid turf crap. I can’t see the Rams winning this.
Rams 28 Seahawks 20

Chicago @ Tennessee
The stuperbowl of sorts. I don’t think anyone on this damn Earth cares about this game. This will probably be on par with any potential bowl game the Gophers end up playing in. Tennessee is the better team though.
Bears 21 Titans 9

Houston @ Indianapolis
The Colts are unstoppable in everything that they do. Running, passing, catching, sucking… they got it all.

--A MOMENT OF SILENCE PLEASE---
for the kitten that was just euthanasiaed here at work. It was a cute kitten. Didn’t even have a chance.
Some bastard decided not to spay his or her damn cat and let the litter roam ‘round here while someone accidentally injures it on the road. Where’s Bob Barker when you need him?

(silence)

uh anyway,
Colts 24 Texans 23

Cincinnati @ Washington
Now that I have brought this entry to a screaming halt, I will go on to say that Washington has a plethora of talent on their roster. With the likes of Laverneous Coles (pronounced Lav-ern-use) and Clinton Portis, this team just will not ever say die.
Bengals 23 Redskins 16

NY Giants @ Arizona
God, I really dislike the Giants. They’re the reason why my record is so bad. They keep on winning the games they shouldn’t and lose the game they should. It’s just not fair man. Kurt Warner will just not go away although it is fun and laughable to watch him ‘play’. It’s like the best reality TV ever.
Cards 27 Giants 21

Carolina @ San Francisco
Ugh, didn’t I already predict this game? Sounds like this should be the Sunday Night Craptacular game. It’s not thankfully
49ers 34 Carolina 16

Buffalo @ New England
Now THIS is what I’m talking about. Finally a Sunday night game that has a decent team. No Miami, Chicago, San Francisco, Washington, or Tennessee. Buffalo may even have a chance at this one? Buffalo seems to be the Mighty Mallards of the NFL. Vinatieri throws for 3 touchdowns…at least
Patriots 17 Bills 14

Philadelphia @ Dallas
This could be a classic meltdown type game for Philadelphia/Terrell Owens. I can just see it, a pass that is directed towards to bottom half of the ‘8’ on his jersey instead of the mid portion. I bet McNabb wont hold back this time either. I wouldn’t have! T.O. was totally asking for it last week! Smack that bitch up.
Philadelphia 21 Dallas 20

Minnesota @ Green Bay
This is it, Packer week. This is half of what the Vikings season is all about and the networks recognize it as well. They’ve put both Viking/Packer games on primetime. This one at 3:15 and the other on a Friday afternoon on Christmas eve day. I don’t’ think the NFL has ever done that before. I’m never one to pick the Vikings in Lambeau, but they won last year and I got that special feeling again this year. I will proceed to wear my sweatshirt (that has the Viking dude pissing on the Packer state of Wisconsin) and watch the Vikings win a classic.
Vikings 28 Packers 27

Yup yup,

Quick bits,
-head on over to Homestarrunner.com and see the new Strongbad email. It features SB falling in love with a wagon full of pancakes. Hilarious!

Next Monday (or Tuesday) I will pimp another blogger/ejournal dude.
Good weekends all around.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Great strongbad - props for referncing mike tyson's punchout montage scene of the run in New York. classic.

h