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Sunday, November 14, 2004

The VW Beetle, Pros/Cons

(I’ve been wondering if all the things I’ve seen were ever real, were ever really happening)

As Roger Water’s says,

‘Give ‘em enough rope and they’ll f&ck it up’

Damn, the Vikes almost had that. Just a fumble recovery away from taking the game. Unfortunately, every Viking fan knows that if the game is tied, in the fourth quarter, and the opposition has the ball with >30sec, the game is pretty much over.

Hoping the Vikings to shut down anyone at that point is about as worthless as advice coming from Ron Artest.

Anywho, I would like to introduce you to another fellow blogger, my ex-roommate that has his own ejournal.
Irrelevant thought processes’ is what he calls his site.
My old roommate refers to himself as H and come take part in his wacky adventures as he debates bongin’ a three story beer bong, the quest for a hizzy, and all the PCP one could ask for!

(actually I made up the PCP bit. I just wanted H to say,
“WHAT?!”)

It’s kinda like this site here, but only way different because his site is actually an ‘inner thoughts’ diary where as this is ‘random thoughts, enter-my-circus-which-is-my-mind’ thingy blog.

Tom’s anecdote of the week

Whenever I think of H, I always remember that one night his inner clock was running on Greenwich time (about 6 hours ahead).

I came home from work at 12:30am and I was getting ready for bed. After fumbling around my room for a while, I really had to take a wazzer (or whiz, pee, piss, wazzercize, drain the lizard, potty break, drain-the-unused-nutrients…ya know) but someone was already in the bathroom. No biggie, I can wait, but it sounds like someone’s taking a shower? Again, when someone’s in the bathroom---
As a rule of thumb, don’t ask questions.

So out comes H in a towel. I open my door when H looked at the clock and did a
“ARRGGGHHH” number.

“Did you just take a shower?” I asked
“F&CK YEAH! SHHEEESH!”

I’ve heard of people accidentally waking up an hour early, but six hours?

Ha ha, H only got about two hours of sleep!

(sigh) good times, good times

Crap list

1. Me, for spitting on my car
So it’s late at work, I get out of my car and I have this monster loogie building up. As I step out and spit this loogie of biblical proportions, this northern wind comes along and takes the loogie and slaps it against my driver’s side window.
Like H, I went,
“ARRRRGHHHH”.
So now every time I’m driving, I see the remnants of this monster loogie whenever I need to make a turn.
Stoopid, stooped, stoupid

2. The Indianapolis Colts offense
Manning throws for five touchdowns; two to that bastard Stokley, two to that bitch Clark, and one to that asshole Wayne. The Colts scored 49 points and Harrison, the leading receiver on that juggernaut of an offense, 2 catches for 22 yards.

(blink: blink)

WHAT THE SH*T? Man, they seriously need to fire Dungy and put me in there. I would be a great head coach
~~~When I grow up, I’m going to be head coach of the Indianapolis Colts~~~

(Tom as head coach in a QB, head coach sideline conference)
Tom: OK Manning, you are going to throw the ball every time to Harrison.
Manning: Yeah ok Coach Berg, but if I fake it to Harrison and make a draw play to James, the Vikings will never catch it and we’ll win!

Tom: Manning, do you want to be benched? Get your priorities straight, fantasy football first, winning second!

[and Manning goes on to throw three touchdowns, 10 interceptions and 189 yards, all to Harrison. Colts lose 28-21, but Tom’s still happy]

If only I were coach.

3. The stupid geek squad from Best Buy
The other day I saw this stupid Volkswagen Beetle decorated in the Best Buy Geek Squad posted everywhere on the ugly vehicle.

I mean really, we all know you are a huge important computer nerd; you don’t need to drive the stupid car around like a badge of honor. It’s not like I drive a 3m certified ‘Designated Rep’ car around!

I was actually thinking about buying a Beetle for a split second. It’s got some good features; great gas milege, small, but not too small, and all out economical.

The thing is…

IT’S A F&CKIN’ BEETLE! Anything that comes with a vase is not something I want to drive. I mean I listen Sarah Mclachlan, I’m all for the environment, I’ve had couz couz (or whatever the hell it is) before, BUT I’M NOT GOING THAT FAR!

However; if it didn’t have a vase…

The nerd couldn’t have been on duty either, he had some honey in the passenger seat, and he wasn’t wearing the usual nerdy Best Buy attire.

It’s pretty obvious what she sees in him, someone who knows how to install a badass firewall on her comp, and someone who knows what the hell a firewall is.

4. Arguing with a Packer fan.
So, naturally, after the game there were a couple disagreements between a packer posse and a Viking posse. It (and they all) went like this.

Viking fan: You guys got so damn lucky tonight, if we would’ve gotten one call, you’d be done!
Packer fan: oh yeah right, whine, whine, whine! Typical Viking’s football, give ‘em enough rope and they’ll f&ck it up.
VF: yeah and you did it with a pill poppin’ QB.
PF: yeah well at least he doesn’t fumble twice every game
VF: He didn’t fumble today beotch!
PF: Yeah, well at least we won a Superbowl!

VF:…………Yeah…uh well, shut up! Reeferhead!

Every single argument is always gravitated to that last packer comment!

It’s true, but they don’t…. uh have to rub our faces in it.

5. The damn Mighty Mallards
yeah, it’s official (pretty much) the second President’s cup will go towards the Mighty Mallards.

It came down to who wanted it more.
We just didn’t play our A game this weekend
The Mighty Mallards shocked the world.

Whatever.

Later this week, I will rate a bunch of women on many different scales.
The results may be surprising!

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