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Monday, November 08, 2004

White Castle, Bert Blyleven, and gay people.

(When I was just a little boy, standin’ to my daddy’s knee, my papa said ‘son, don’t let the man getcha and do what he done to me’)

Born on the bayou…….born on the BAAAAAYOUUUU

What a crazy weekend.

If you’re ever still up at 1 or 2am and you’re looking for some crazy times, head on over to the local White Castle.

The weirdest crap happens at this place late at night. One time I saw this guy dressed up as a sheriff and he was telling everyone what to do. Thing is, he wasn’t a sheriff and it was nowhere near Halloween.
Then I saw this dude cutting onions over a 6 gallon bucket, and he didn’t even work there! Just crazy!

This last Saturday night/Sunday morning I was a little out of it, my buddies and I just got through with a good night of swearin’ and drinkin’ and we were still hungry. So naturally we headed to White Castle.

One buddy went to the bathroom and another followed him in there only to shove him into a urinal while he was ‘draining’. Like a fireman holding a hose with too much pressure, there was a bit of a shower in good ole’ Whities. Not to mention the noise coming out of the single-stall bathroom.

And then they both proceeded to exit the bathroom in a dignified manner.

Crazy, oh but there’s more!!

I’m sitting there waiting for my number. I was a little tipsy, so I didn’t know 100% of what was going on.

In walks this 6’4” dude, reddish blond hair, goatee, jeans and a buttoned up shirt.

My buddy says,
“Guys, don’t move, Bert Blyleven is here!”
And I’ll be god damned if it wasn’t him. I was looking everywhere for Dick Bremer, but he was nowhere.

So the question remains, was Bert Blyleven indeed at the East St. Paul White Castle at 1:40am?


Anyway, crap list

1. People who still write checks in public
It’s mostly the women I’m talking about. They stand there and wait for the total and THEN proceed to write everything out. I especially hate it when I’m at a fast food joint and some rube pulls out their checkbook. Come on, you’re at Burger King. Can’t you find five bucks in your car? But what’s worse is…

2. Guys that write checks in public
How unmasculine is that? There is a perfectly good reason why we don’t write checks in public. It’s because we have too much trouble trying to write out ‘thirteen and 86/100” or is it thir-teen and 86/100”? I don’t know and I don’t care. That’s why I use the debit card. You keep your dignity, masculinity, and it’s easy. Whenever you see a guy writing out a check just kick him in the balls.

3. How ‘different’ our values are in the US
I apologize, I don’t want this to be too political but WTF? We go out of our way to ban gay people of getting married and then we make it harder for people to buy reasonably priced prescription drugs. Why? Because we can’t trust the drugs from Canada?!
I’m sorry, but gay couples probably wont affect anyone whereas cheaper drugs will only (in my opinion) help people stay healthy. And that’s only a couple.

4. Weddings
I just cannot stand weddings. I hate everything about them including the reception, but that stems from my hatred of mingling. Still, weddings are just like Prom, a woman’s’ deal. Guys don’t care about Prom. They don’t want to dance. They just want what comes after Prom. Same thing for weddings, guys don’t dream about their wedding day. Everything is laid out for the guy by the age of 7. They know what they’re wearing, they know who they’re going to invite, and they know who’s paying for a majority of it-whoever they’re marrying.

5. The Gopher football team
What a sorry sack of shyts these guys are. They didn’t even try when Wisconsin was kicking extra points and field goals! They’ve already lost four games and probably will lose next Saturday. This was the team that had their schedule paved for a rose bowl. This was a team that had not one great runningback but TWO! What’s even worse, this Saturday when the Goophs play Iowa here at the Dome, the Iowa fans will totally outnumber Minny fans by about 7:3. These are also the same Iowa fans that tore down OUR goal posts, which may be the saddest moment in gopher football history let alone college football history.

Until tomorrow when I pimp another fellow blogger.

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