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Monday, December 13, 2004

The Clusterf&ck of America

(Here comes the preacher to set me free with 13 minutes to go
And he’s talking about heat and you know I feel so cold with 12 more minutes to go)


Monday’s are not only a day to bitch about crap, but they are turning into ‘Vikings suck ass day’ as well.

I’ll try not to spend three pages bitching on end-because I know I could. Hell, I could write a 10 page essay on why the Vikings suck so bad.

Instead here is a couple, general stats.

Vikings record after six games
2003 6-0
2004 5-1

We were one of the first teams to miss the playoffs in ’03 after starting 6-0
This year may not be any different AND THE NFC SUCKS!!!!!!!
-A team may go 8-8 and make the playoffs.
-Atlanta will probably get a 1st round bye. ATLANTA!!
-Philadelphia can go 15-1 because they played a great majority of their games in the NFC.
-Both Detroit AND Chicago were in the playoff hunt before yesterday.

The sad thing for the Vikes is the the next three games aren’t going to be that much easier than Seattle.
-Next week in Detroit
-Christmas eve home, against the Pack (granted we usually beat them here)
-The last week on the road against the Redskins. (this may be the toughest game left on the schedule because this one is outdoors!)

ah well, same ole’ Vikes eh guys?

1. The frame of mind that ‘booing’ is considered wrong
I haven’t heard the bitching about booing yet, but it might come up. Why do people consider booing to be rude and unsportsmanlike? What, are we supposed to cheer on the Vikings after they decide that Randy Moss would make a good quarterback with 2 minutes to go? Are we supposed to cheer every time we give up a 3rd and long? I especially hate it when fans bitch about other fans booing. These are the same people that tell everyone to sit down after a touchdown, or whine about the temperature being too cold in the dome. I mean heaven forbid that people would boo a football team.

2. People who stand right in the god damn way.
Ever walk into a store and have to walk around people reading the stupid ad right there at the entrance? I wish we could push people out of the way for being stupid. That way the pushEE can look back at the pushER and say,
“Sorry, my bad. I deserved that!”
And the pusher would just be doing their job.
But that’s not the worst people. When I attend a sporting event or concert, there’s always a bit of a mad dash to leave the venue. I’ll try and find some daylight to the exit and work my way around people until I get stuck next to this clueless, suburbanite, polo shirt wearing, dumbass family. They’ll walk around as if they’re shopping at Target and then flat out stop and look to the distance right behind them, and finally look at their brochure to make sure that they are indeed still at the Metrodome.

3. Crowds
I may have some sort of phobia or disorder when it comes to huge messes of people. This includes parties, traffic jams, and Christmas shopping. It was the biggest reason why Sturgis wasn’t up to my liking and it’s the main reason I don’t like family get-togethers. That last point about people in the way is magnified during Christmas time because shopping centers are nothing more than gigantic ‘cluster fucks’.
They should just call the local malls what they REALLY are in December. You have the local malls; Rosedale clusterfuck, Maplewood clusterfuck, Southdale clusterfuck, and then the Clusterfuck of America (or COA) in Bloomington.

4. Acquaintances
I am not a good acquaintance person. I either have my friends or strangers and role players—nothing in between. The role players are the people that you usually say hi to as you’re walking to the pop machine, the mail lady, that person that lives 4 houses down that you honk your horn too when passing by. It’s only when you see these people at Target or whatever restaurant your attending when the dynamic gets screwed up.

I mean the mail lady isn’t supposed to be here shopping. Do I say hi? Am I going to have to talk to her for a long ass time? She doesn’t see me yet, what should I do?

I will go out of my way to avoid acquaintances at all cost. I've been known to get the hell out of a store if I find someone I know.

Last weekend at ‘The football-viewing restaurant’ I was not only broadsided by this woman I hadn’t seen in years, but the whole family as well. I know the family from way back when, but I sure as hell don’t care about them now. The woman saw me first and then I was stuck talking about what everyone is up to now.
Just a few minutes later, my boss stops in and all of a sudden I felt like I needed to be more productive. I felt like stealing the broom and sweeping hoping for that raise! Nah, I said hi and found out that his whole damn family works at this place.
Which means I have an excuse for not tipping.
YOU DON’T PAY ME ENOUGH BEOTCH!

5. Not understanding a movie
I finally saw the movie, Donnie Darko because it’s in the top 250, and everyone says it’s a good movie. Well, I saw the movie and I feel like the biggest retard because, I didn’t really get it. I usually like these deep, moving movies, but this one was totally crazy!
Before you start with the frowns, pointing and laughing, and the dumbass chants—I want to say that I am in the process of doing some research and am probably going to watch the movie again.

The jury’s still out bitch!

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