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Friday, December 24, 2004

Great Moments in Gift Wrapping History

(I can hear the buzzards, I can see the crows with one more minute to go)

I started wrapping gifts and one word can only describe the process:


I’m getting better and better at wrapping gifts. This year my prize gift wrapping experience would have to go to my bros gift. Everything is tight and solid! I give myself a good A for that gift. My Dad’s gift desearves a good A- and my Mom’s gift was a little bigger so I screwed up a little for a B-.

As good as this years wrapping experience was, it pales in comparison to last years monumental achievement in wrapping


It was a week before Christmas when I had to start wrapping my family's presents. I got a couple CD’s for my Mom and Dad and a video game for my Brother. I was worried about completely fucking up the job like I did to my cousin one time…

Anecdote within an anecdote
When I was 12 I had to buy my little cousin a gift for our annual ‘Iowa get-together’. I can’t remember what I got, but I spent a good hour in a half trying to figure out how the hell to wrap that fucker up. Finally after many attempts and the frustration clogging my brain, I just crumpled up a bunch of paper and slapped a bunch of tape on it. It basically was the equivalent of a crumpled lump of wrapping paper with tape half on.

My Aunt didn’t like it at all.

Anyway, last year I used the City Pages instead of traditional wrapping paper because I was going through some sort of rebellious phase. It was a great idea because the Citypages are the perfect size of paper for wrapping a CD or Playstation 2 game.
So I took about five minutes and brainstormed how I was going to accomplish my goal of having respectable looking presents. I thought and thought (the T-wolves were playing too). Finally I was up for the challenge.

[CUE: Apollo 13 THEME]
It was beautiful. Everything went right. I never even had to unstick any tape anywhere. I even went so creative as to pick out good-looking advertisements and use them as a ‘gift billboard’. I was even thinking of calling Budweiser and asking for advertisement money for the gesture. When everything was all said and done: the edges were tight, the tape was hardly noticeable, one would feel guilty of opening such gifts.
It was beautiful. So beautiful that I was showing my roommates the job I just performed.

Tom: Check it out! Merry Christmas
Andrea: Oh sweet! Is this for me?
Tom: No, but isn’t that a sweet wrapping job!
Andrea: oh, yeah it’s nice. Pfff

Even H gave me props by saying it was a sweet wrapping job!

Slowly but surly I will figure out all the different little traits that women posess. I already got the wrapping down and next will be gardening.

Because, have you ever seen a woman who can’t wrap a gift?


Last week I went (11-5)
Overall I’m 131-89
Just think, week 10 (six weeks ago) I was at .500! (65-28) since!!! Hell yeah!

Oakland @ Kansas City
One of the Christmas games, but it doesn’t matter.
Chiefs 35 Raiders 31

Denver @ Tennessee
Hey, lets watch Jake Plummer screw it up. Who is a worst QB Plummer or Brooks? Imagine watching a Denver/New Orleans game. Yuck
Broncos 24 Titans 20

Baltimore @ Pittsburgh
Steelers all the way
Steelers 20 Ravens 10

San Diego @ Indianapolis
Lee Suggs ran for a 100 yards last week against the Chargers. I can’t believe the Indy fans wanted Peyton to throw for a touchdown last week with :30 to go. I mean I know he’s breaking Marino’s TD mark but he doesn’t have to act like him. And how jipped does ESPN feel that he didn’t break the record on Sunday Night. HAHA
Colts 31 Chargers 17

Chicago @ Detroit
The lions are pissed and Chicago couldn’t give a damn. It would be fun if this game was outside in the subzero weather
Lions 35 Bears 3

Atlanta @ New Orleans
You know, they might as well just give this game to the Saints. Atlanta has nothing to play for. This game is about as good as the third game of the preseason.
Saints 21 Falcons 16

Carolina @ Tampa Bay
This should be swell
Panthers 30 Bucs 28

Houston @ Jacksonville
How bout those Jags beating the pack! Man, that’s good for another win if I’ve ever seen one.
Jags 28 Texans 20

NY Giants @ Cincinnati
Congrats Giants, way to screw up your season. Not that Warner was your savior or anything (the guy does seem to be a Jesus wannabee), but at least you guys were winning with him at the helm. Just stupid
Bengals 25 Giants 17

New England @ NY Jets
If the Patriots would of just have beaten a team that was dreadfully terrible earlier this season, they could be sitting pretty with the two spot in the AFC. Now San Diego and Indy have something to play for. Good Lord the AFC playoffs are going to be good!
Jets 24 Patriots 20

Buffalo @ San Francisco
I don’t fucking care
Buffalo 42 49ers 14

Arizona @ Seattle
The god damn cardinals still have an outside chance of winning the division! Oh…MY….GOD!!!!
Cards 28 Seahawks 21

Washington @ Dallas
Redskins 17 Cowboys 13

Cleveland @ Miami
Why do they even play these games?
Dolphins 42 Browns 24

Philadelphia @ St. Louis
The Eagles may be screwed now. In fact Owens opened up their running game and with Pinkston being a damn pussy out in the field, the eagles are no better than the Falcons, but with a worse running game.
Eagles 24 Rams 6


Green Bay @ Minnesota
The game of all games. For all the fuckin marbles. For the whole can of worms. This is it. I’m pretty sure this game will end up being a shootout and if you have Moss on your team, PLAY HIM. This is the kind of game he’ll have like four touchdowns and 150 yards. I can’t see the either team letting up either. God, I hope I’m right
Vikes 38 Packers 31

Til Monday…

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