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Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Saran Wrap is Not a Good Contraceptive

(Well I called out to the warden to take my plea with 17 minutes to go)

Quick Bits

-Man, David Stern is going crazy over that brawl. He just gave Latrell Sprewell a one game suspension for telling a fan to ‘suck his dick’, which is damn funny. The fans around him thought it was funny as well. So because it was so funny, I don’t think he should be suspended. There should be a rule that if a basketball player ‘makes a funny’ they should be exempted from any punishment. I bet when Sprewell was chocking P.J. Calisemo, he was simply saying something like,
“YOU SILLY CRACKA DON’T EVA TELL ME TO PLAY DEFENSE”

In which case is okay because it’s funny.

Ya know, they should let me be the commissioner of the NBA.

-At 3am yesterday morning I was flipping back and forth from two/thirds of the last episode of Cheers and the ‘Year in Review: The 1999 Seattle Seahawks’. As I was watching both I thought,
‘Hey, this would sound great in my blog!’ because… I’m such a god damn loser I guess.

-My Deer scored a pathetic 33 points this last weekend. I lost by 60! I’m gonna have to give Duece McAllister a pep talk because he seriously needs to step up. I may end up benching him and make him think twice about his terrible performance. I’ll bench him for…. Dorsey Levens? Sammy Morris? Aaron Stecker? Lee Suggs? Oh lord do I suck!

-Anyone see that commercial where this couple is at the grocery checkout line and the dude realizes that the woman bought a pregnancy kit?
Talk about a lack of communication! I wouldn’t want to find out then! I’d probably find out when she tries to slip it in the cart.

(Berg and his girlfriend, Honey Dumpling at Cub Foods)
BERG: What the fuck is this?
HONEY DUMPLING: Uh, Tom, remember how you had that brilliant idea on how you were going to save money on condoms and instead use Saran Wrap? We’ll it wasn’t’ such a good idea.
BERG: You gotta be fuckin kidding me!
HONEY DUMPLING: Nah, I’ve been throwing up all day. Haven’t you noticed?
BERG: PFFFF NO! You know how ignorant I am!
CASHIER: That will be $121.98 sir.
BERG: Pfff screw this crap! I’m outta here!
HONEY DUMPLING: Where are you going now?
BERG: I’m going to get a bag of Doritos and a gallon of milk and then I’m going to the alley to eat them, beat off, and then use the empty carton and bag to kill myself.
HONEY DUMPLING: Very resourceful.
BERG: Thanks, I know.

-I should be vehemently opposed to it but I got the best cd the other day. It’s Luther Wright and the Wrongs: Rebuild the Wall. If you can’t stand The Wall by Pink Floyd but are still interested in the album, get this cd.
It’s The Wall only in bluegrass/country. It’s actually quite good and condensed into one disk.
I never thought Pink Floyd and country would mix so well.

-Anyone see that Elton John Ipod commercial? Talk about a guy trying to hold on for dear life! Elton, just let yourself go, it’s getting rather pathetic. We saw your gray hair in the 80’s. You look like Austin Powers at 70. I’m sure there’s someone in the gay community that would love to check off Elton John in their ‘people to do’ list even if you’re old, fat, and bald (not that there’s anything wrong with that).

-Will hockey ever come back?

-College football is the biggest joke in the history of sports. If the gophers or badgers even went undefeated (like some people thought), do you really think they’d let them in a BCS bowl?
What more could’ve Auburn done if they wanted a national championship? Dump a thousand gallons of oil onto the Rose Bowl for the USC/UCLA game? Pump Colorado up with a boatload of steroids so they could kill anyone on Okalahoma’s offense?

Ah well, tomorrow, I PROMISE I’ll have some MILFS.

1 comment:

Hannes said...

There is a small poll on Yahoo! that asks who got the biggest shaft, Cal or Auburn. It was virtually tied but I threw my vote on Auburn.

Going undefeated and winning the SEC should be an automatic #1 ranking in the nation. What the hell is the Pac-10? They have 2 teams. The Big 10? Boring ass football and no teams in the top 10. Big 12? Winning the Big 12 title game should drop you a couple of spots cause the Big 12 North sucks so much. ACC could give the SEC a run but I don't think so.