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Thursday, December 30, 2004

Tom's lowlights of 2004

(I got some money in my pocket, about ready to burn I don't remember where I got it, I gotta get it to you)

HELLO!!! IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE IN BLOGVILLE???

This whole damn week has been worse than a Sunday in terms of site ‘hits’. Does EVERYONE have this week off? Am I being blackballed in some way? Am I bitching too much?

It seems that I could write my own script for my new porno movie coming out Summer of ’05 right here on this blog and no one would even know. Actually , I could because after all it is my blog… AND I CAN DO WHATEVER THE CRAP I WANT!!!

So today I’m going to tell you all about the low lights of 2004

-The company Christmas party
It’s not that anything bad happened per se during this Christmas party but for some reason I felt compelled to attend this time. And it wouldn't be so bad if I worked with someone my age here at work because I don’t. About 95% of everyone here at work is 40 or older (in other words baby boomers) and it’s really tough to find some common ground with them. It seems that hardcore construction workers have a completely different sense of humor than me.

Actually most everyone has a different sense of humor than me—I think it ‘s funny when people cry!
Anyway, it seems that every wacky idea I may bring up ends up with the crickets chirping—NO REACTION. I mean I would appreciate at least a dirty look or a ‘what the hell are you talking about’ but I would be lucky if I got that.

Instead, after a conversation with a coworker we end up taking a step back and analyzing what was just said.

Tom: God, what the hell is wrong with this guy? Is there a contractor out there that will pull a piece of angle iron out of an ass? That was good stuff I had!

Construction worker Joe: Was he really telling me AIDS jokes? What the hell kind of a sick person jokes about that terrible disease? That and the incoherent ramblings on female asses--what the fuck is wrong with this guy?

-That ‘situation’ in Sodak
As much as I enjoyed staying in Sodak for the summer along with the sweet deal I had with free room and board, the situation was WAY too awkward for me.

I had the opportunity to stay with my old roommates family in Rapid City. I totally took full advantage of that sweet deal.
I essentially felt like a foreign exchange student with dunce cap. I never really had the feeling that the family I was staying with felt completely comfortable with me staying in their basement. In return, I didn’t’ feel comfortable staying in a house where the people didn’t trust me either. Even the simplest routine errands seemed to be awkward.
Such as leaving for…anything.

Do I tell them where I’m going?
But it’s not like they’re my parents, Mr. D isn’t home and Mrs. D is upstairs sleeping…ah fuck it! I’m outta here.

Then the whole dinner thing was weird.
The first week I was over, Mrs. D made dinner for everyone at 5:30pm, so , like a bear, I would naturally come up the stairs everyday at 5:30 and look for food. Sometimes there wasn’t any food there, so I went out. Sometimes food that I really don’t enjoy would be prepared; so then I would run like hell outta the house. And sometimes, someone would be in a terrible mood; so I ran the fuck away.
It was a good situation financially, but was really fucked in every other way.

-Jack, the office fuck-hole
Work was great during the summer--great except for one complete southern asshole in the office. The office next to ours was held by the office manager who’s time is more important than anyone else’s. When we were done out in the field, we would waste the next five minutes chatting away until 3:30pm hit. Someday’s I would talk a little loud and topics that are similar to what I talk about here. Jack steps in the room and says,

Jack: Are you guys done with your day-long break?”
Tom: Oh, I’m sorry, We’ll be more quiet.
Jack: That’s okay, it’s not like I have stuff to do or anything.

That was a little irritating, but not as irritating as the next day. The next day we were all killing the same five minutes quietly when we hear this loud southern (squeal like a pig) laugh and loud conversation next door. Jack is now sounding like a bit of a hypocrite. So the next day I continue talking about…whatever in my normal tone and he comes and bitches at us again.

I really hate…(H..A..T..E) people like this. I don’t know if they are in other fields but in the scientific fields that work outdoors, there are a lot of PHD fucktards who’s shit doesn’t stink. I especially hate the fact that they think they’re godlike if they are the top dog in the field of something stupid like ‘characteristics of soybean field erosion after the effects of a hurricane’

(clap: clap)
OH BRAVO! MOTHER THERESA HAS NOTHING ON YOU!
Fuck Superman, it seems that with you being the god of hurricane erosion on… whatever, you probably should have your own ass wiper too eh?

Let’s see you reverse the rotation of the Earth now, Fucker!

-The car in Sodak
Before the summer, I was hoping and praying that my car would last through the summer without any major problems. Maybe I shouldn’t be making fun of Jesus anymore because that is exactly what didn’t happen.

Every god damn week something would fall off my car. The catalida converter cover, my driver’s side door panel, the breaks fuckin quit, and the tape player stopped. This car was tanking on me! I had to fix it though because I needed something to come back in and to get away from ‘the situation’ back in Rapid.
(Sigh) After another $500 break job, my breaks were now working alright...

UNTIL I GOT HOME FOUR WEEKS LATER AND THE SAME BREAKS WERE CRAP AND THE ALTERNATOR FUCKIN GOES OUT!!!!
Luckily everything was under warrantee.

The ride home was really ghetto in that I didn’t have any source of music (because I threw that stupid tape player away) except for my jambox that I had in my front seat.

-Van Halen in Denver
Like I said yesterday, Denver was way cool. This concert was very disappointing though. It was when I was at this concert that I realized that I outgrew Van Halen and Sammy Hagar’s best days were WAY behind him. After all, the guy is as old as my dad.
I don’t know what it is, but watching 50+ year olds jumping around and talking about pussy doesn’t seem to appeal to me. In fact it’s quite sickening and approaching the threshold of pathetic.

Tickets were…$75 too…. (sigh)

-after six years of living on my own, I am now forced to live with my family
Again, financially, this is a great gig. In terms of dignity, I’m hoping I can last long enough to find a decent town home to move to.

The clock is ticking because it’s not exactly a ‘chick magnet’ living with your parents, in suburbia, in the bottom half of a bunk bed.

Ouch.

Anyway, I am looking forward to this new year.
Tomorrow, I will pimp another fellow blogger and I will have my wild and crazy, x-rated (as Hannes would say) foozeball picks.

2 comments:

Eric Wormann said...

It's like 3:00 AM and I'm too effing tired to read this whole entry, but I have been lacking "hits" this week as well.

Anonymous said...

Low point of the year, moving away from me...I clearly was a highlight in your life and without you as my man-servant I also am down. I keed. I keed, you mightily miss my antics while I, eh, I've moved on...

Seriously - I'm in Cleveland on road trip zaniess, tomorrow rocknroll hall of fame. Awesome...Never visit Graceland, unless you like kitsch, I don't, MK does. Kill me. Kill me now.

h