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Wednesday, January 12, 2005

One of the Best Feats of My Life

beyond the horizon of the place we lived when we were young
In a world of magnets and miracles

One of the ‘bloggin buddies’ has accomplished a feat so magical, so empowering that it makes me jealous. Eric, and a couple other people, ate 20 something scoops of ice cream mixed with brownies and other things. They call this ‘sundae’ the vermonster at Ben and Jerrys and Eric ate one.

Seriously, Eric’s got some pics on his site and the bucket looks like it could hold a gallon!

If I conquered that (what the hell am I talking about, ‘if’) WHEN I will eat that, I’m sure all hell will break loose on the thunderbucket! It would be the equivalent of Civil War II in the bathroom.

It would be worth it with all the pride I would have.

In fact I have a lifetime record of 2-1 in eating competitions between friends.

The two wins have come from Krispy Kreme Doughnuts and McDonald’s triple cheeseburgers.

The one loss was when I ate 22 White Castles. I lost by one!

I didn’t scan the pictures for the doughnut conquest yet, so I’ll talk about the triple cheeseburger competition.

Twas a hot summer day in the summer of (I don’t remember ’97or ‘’98) and five of us (Hog, Marc, Tony, Poncho, and myself) were bored out of our minds. We were hanging out over at my friend Marc’s house when we saw the advertisement of McDonalds selling a triple cheeseburgers for 99 cents.
We all looked at each other and nodded our heads in silence.

So we figured that no one could possibly eat more than five triple cheeseburgers so we each ordered five burgers each. We made the plan of splitting up so we wouldn’t all be in the drive through ordering 25 triple cheeseburgers, so three of us went inside and two went through the drive through.

Hog gets to the counter,
Hog: I’ll take five triple cheeseburgers please
McDonald’s slave: Ok sir, it’s going to take a couple minutes. Can you stand to the side?
Tony: I’ll take five triple cheeseburgers.
McD’s slave: Ok hold on
Berg: I’ll take five triple cheeseburgers, bich

That’s when McDonalds went into a frenzy and workers were running around struggling to find some sort of order. Then a lady starts taking off her headsets and says,
“Oh my god, this guy in the drive through wants ten triple cheeseburgers!”

McDonalds was now in an all out panic and us, goofballs, were watching this whole thing unfold.
It was great.

So we get back to Marc’s house and we all start eating.

One down


Two down (within about five minutes)

Three down (and now it was starting to get harder)

(chomp, chomp)

(breathe)

Four Down

By this time, three others (including Hog) already bailed out. Poncho and me were left and Poncho was taking off the cheese of each burger!
WTF?
This last burger took forever to eat. The cheese at this time was nasty and I swore that I would never eat another hamburger again (BAHHH HAHAHA)

(Chomp)
EEEEEEWWWWWWW
(Chomp)
AWWWW YUCK

(Chomp)
This. Is. Disgusting!

(cho-chomp)

And we’re done!

Poncho eventually ate that other burger like four hours later, without the cheese.

I ate, FIVE TRIPLE CHEESEBURGERS!!!! Everyone thought that I was going to throw up,

But did I throw up?

DID I???

Hell no! I kept that gut rot in me like a trophy waiting for the light of day and the splash of holy toilet water.

To this day, when you hear about ‘the one that ate 5 triple cheeseburgers’ know that I was the main character of that tall tale!

Tomorrow, I’ll talk about my other conquest, complete with pics.

1 comment:

Eric Wormann said...

I have also drank 5 gallons of water with 5 other guys, during which I threw up not once, not twice, but three times. I don't really compare to my other friend Eric, who's three claims to fame are:

1. Eating an 8 pound lobster
2. Eating 6 and a half pounds of mashed potatoes in one sitting
3. Eating 30 slices of pizza (and a breadstick)