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Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Urine Frisbees

Suit and tie comes up to me
His face red like a rose on a thorn bush
Like all the colours of a royal flush
And he's peelin' off those dollar bills
(Slappin' 'em down)
One hundred, two hundred

For those who are wondering,
I am a totally ridiculous St. Paul, Minnesota rube. I hated the movie Feeling Minnesota because of the name—What is ‘Feeling Minnesota’ supposed to mean anyway?
Thus the Soundgarden song, Outshined, really bugged me in that same way. I would always watch our sports teams on National TV hoping that one day a piece of home would be shown.

It’s really god damn sad actually.

Orbitron19 has a site, ‘46,XY’ ( Sorry, I don’t know what any of that means) and if you ever want to look at another ‘St. Paul’ site for a second opinion, this is a good site to check out.

Sometimes I might say something to the like of,
‘It was soooo cold I made an ice frisbie with my own urine!’

Then you could check out Orbitron’s site to see if it was indeed that cold. Like maybe he would say something like,
‘It was really cold, but not cold enough to make wierd things out of urine’

To which, you would sit back and give an ‘Ah’ and a sigh and realize that I greatly exaggerated the whole thing.

Orb talks about everything including very interesting topics like the ‘The Curse of Elton John’ and…

AND…

(god bless him) he’s got an AFRO HALL OF FAME!!!! Seriously, he’s got a bunch of pics of glorious afros that would make your jaw drop.

They are a thing of beauty!

Also, he’s works for the St. Paul Saints, (the team owned by Mike Veeck and Bill Murray). Also known for resurrecting the career of Darryl Strawberry for the third time, giving JD Drew something to do while bitching about a contract, and I think they signed the oldest player ever but I might be wrong.

Anyway, there is going to be a ‘blognight’ at the Saints where bloggers from Minnesota and all over will come and cause a commotion and watch some quality, outdoor baseball. The game is on Monday June 13th and I do believe I will probably attend because one lucky blogger (aka nerd) will throw out the first pitch!

I can only dream.

Details for the game are on Orb’s site on the side bar.

Venting on the game

First off, I must admit that I already had a can of pop (or carbonated drink) because I get these big ass headaches and then I get grumpy and then everyone loses. So I need to safely and surely ‘come off’ my addiction to caffeine so I don’t screw up my body (like what mac and cheese usually does).

When I wrote yesterdays entry, I didn’t know the freaking media would be all appalled by Moss fake mooning the fans.

Chris Berman on ‘Sunday Night NFL’ was about ready to start blubbering because Moss defiled Lambeau and it’s classy fans…or something like that.
Apparently Randy Moss will be going to football hell for such an act.

ESPN wouldn’t even replay the celebration because it was so lewd.

You. Gotta. Be. Kidding. Me!

Apparently showing huge violent basketball riots between fans and players repeatedly; with fists going everywhere is perfectly ok. I mean that scene was on for about three days straight. They even used it as advertising for the second game on Christmas!

These ‘classy’ fans from Lambeau??? The same fans that take dumps in their snowmobile suits and piss in sinks?

Are those the classy fans???

I keed, I keed, but the notion that these fans are better than anyone (because…well, I don’t know why) is ludicrous!

And then, at the end of the first half Favre runs the ball to the three yard line and it looks like he’s going to get the first down when he flings the ball in the end zone. Everyone cheers but the play is called back because he’s FOUR YARDS OVER THE LINE OF SCRIMMAGE! Not to mention that he could’ve gotten the first down, threw a stupid ball that could’ve been batted down, and he ended a successful drive by the Pack.

It was a stupid, bonehead play.

THE GUY GOT PRAISED BY THE ANNOUNCERS!!! Chris Collinsworth said something along the lines of “here’s a guy who’s having fun like a kid”.
Chris Berman even put it at number three for best plays of the week!

I just don’t get it.

Sunday I watched the game with my family for the first time in (something like) three years and I now know why.

About a minute before the kickoff my Dad changes the channel to the Women’s Gophers Basketball game in which they are crushing New Mexico by about forty points.

Tom: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? THIS GAME IS BLOWOUT AND NOT TO MENTION IT’S WOMENS BASKETBALL!
Dad: Yeah but they’re cute!
Tom: NO THEY’RE NOT, THEY’RE WOMENS BASKETBALL PLAYERS!!!

I was kinda got caught up in the heat of the moment, but I will never understand my parent’s love of female basketball.

So the game starts and he has this breakthrough play in mind.

Dad (with a mouthful of peanuts): You know what they should do? They should just throw it to Moss on the first play of the game. That would be great! Toss it to Moss!
Thank you Scott Linehan.
It rivals with his basketball analysis when he thinks that Cassell (pronounced like ‘castle’) should just hit a three all the time.

Anyway, throughout the game I was as loud as anyone, screaming during every touchdown in the craziest way possible. I’m sure my parents looked at each other many times during the game and frowned on my yelling and screaming…and punching.
Whatever it was good times.

4 comments:

Eric Wormann said...

The WNBA: Just like the NBA, but without the talent or excitement!

Anonymous said...

I can't understand how they can throw such a shit fit over the whole "mooning" incident! Couldn't anyone else besides me read Randy Moss' lips as he was shouting "Look at the m*therf***ing score" to the crowd after their second touchdown? He was right in front of the camera. You couldn't hear it but it wasn't hard to figure out what he was saying. I could see people complaining and fines flying because of that, but not because of his little "celebration".

Boof said...

yeah I know! I'm in the process of creating a script for an afternoon CBS special on how wrong it is to 'pretend' mooning.

In fact, everyone, lets all get together and have a big cry over this. I mean lets all hug and try, TRY to put this past us.

I mean Lambeau god defiled after all.

Anonymous said...

Tom,

Multiple things

1) Told to my roommmate at the game in Lambeau - "yeah you guys won, but atleast we don't have a n^gger quarterback." Classy fans? GB has a nice long history of racism, yet, they seem to have black players on their team. huh, they adopt pakcer players as white i presume. A 65yr old man also pushe z b/c he was cheering the victory and he couldn't believe that a loss was eminent. Classy fans, I love Tony Dungy for what he said.

2) Janel McCarville and Kadjijddadida (sp?) Anderson. Think about that, and some XXX cause it's happenin.

3) I'm hopped up on Vicadin right now, good times drifting between consciousness and uncosciousness.

I thinks thats it, my mind is playing trix on me right now.

h