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Friday, February 04, 2005

God vs. The Patriots

Oh I am young but I have aged.
Waited long to seize the day.
All things said and plenty done,
Oh I am young but I have a past.
Traveled far to find the start.
Yes I am scared and I've been burnt.
But life is short.

(email from Hog)

First Rule: Everyone buys a crave case of hamburgers or cheeseburgers

Second Rule: There will be an actual time limit for the first time.

Third Rule: The eating will begin as soon as the first commercial starts after the second quarter expires.

Fourth Rule: The competition aspect of the eating will end as soon as the ball is kicked off for the third quarter.

At least we have some definite rules this time. The last couple times we’ve had eating contests, we’ve had varying degrees of the definition of a “sitting’. When I won that triple cheeseburger eating contest there was actually another person that ate five triple cheeseburgers only he ate the fifth one TWO HOURS LATER! To this day he thinks he tied me!

That’s BS!

Last weekend we were talking about who has the best chance of winning and I think I’ll set the odds as follows,

Marc: 20:1 (no way)
Nick: 5:2 (the person who beat me, but threw up afterwords!)
Tony: 7:1 (a big talker for such a prissy punk-ass bitch)
Hog: 8:1 (I’m not a believer however; he did pitch the contest.)
Shaun: 10,000:1 (there’s no way his wife will let him eat 20 sliders let alone one. If he even shows up. He might end up having a nice little Sunday shopping at Home Depot and Bed Bath and Beyond—if’s he’s got time.)
Berg: 5:1 (It’s like when Babe Ruth played with the Braves or how Sammy Sosa will be as an Oriole, a shade of their former self)

I’m wondering about Hog though. To make the proposition of a Whities eating contest one has to be training for such an event.
What kinda shit are you up to in St. Peter?

Then again, if I win, I’ll have something to write about in the ole Bergblog. We’ll see if I can harness the power.

So take your bets, I’m not going to furnish any prizes unless anyone wants any biscuit beer.

As for the game…
I was thinking today and I’m just going to flat out say that the 2004/05 Patriots are the best team ever.

I know, I know it’s an extremely bold statement, but who would beat them? The 49er’s of the 80’s sure had a damn good team. Better offense, better defense, Joe Montana, Jerry Rice, and Ronnie Lott, but the Patriots seem to have the power of God behind them or even more so.

In fact, not even God can stop these Patriots. I doubt it! Why would anyone think otherwise? I mean the same thing was said about Titanic but little did they know that the steel wasn’t heated properly and buckled under the weight and temperature. God obviously won that battle (and why not?).

If God played the Colts in Indianapolis, I’m pretty sure that it would be a close game with Brandon Stokely making a couple crucial 4th down catches (like any other annoying white receiver does) but God would probably come out with the win in the end.
The Colts playing at God’s field don’t stand a chance!

Don’t worry Tony Dungy, not too many people can compete with God the way you’re Colts would have.

I mean God’s got the experience and the means necessary (with lightning bolts and natural phenomena) but the Patriots have Tom Brady. Let me break it down further

God<------------------> Patriots
______________<--Fan support (because of those crazy Christians)
________________<--Experience [umm lets see, a team that's been around for 40 years or someone/something..(you get the picture) that has been around for eternity]

But we’ll see because that’s why they play the games.
Any given Sunday anything can happen!

Patriots 31 The other team 16

Yeah congrats Boston, you’re years of whining have brought you (potentially) four championships in the last four years.
(clap: clap) YAY
I hope you guys have another long ass drought

I’m starting to really get sick of the Pats!

Go Deer!
Go Me (for the eating contest)

Go God!


Orbitron19 said...

First of all...Hi speed & HDTV. If you had Tivo, I'd propose....but I digress. I have to take issue with some of the "edges" in the God v. Patriots battle. Technically God can claim Walter Payton as his running back which is infinitely superior to anyone wearing John Kerry's face on their helmet. Second, I think home field advantage is largely overlooked....not only is the game blayed on "God's green grass" near the supposed location of the Fountain of Youth, but it's also played on SUNDAY. I think it would be closer than you think. Pats over the Diety by a touchdown.

Boof said...

You're right. I forgot all about that!
The fountain of youth was said to be found around those parts!

Also if God works together with Mother Nature (I heard she's in a contract dispute. Hence, the weather) then they could really bring on the shit for the Pats.

Then the Sunday point is dead on

Still, we're talking about the Patriots and they just can't lose.