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Tuesday, February 15, 2005

I'm Riotch Beotch!

Before you accuse me, take a look at yourself.
Before you accuse me, take a look at yourself.
You say I've been buyin' another woman clothes,
But you've been talkin' to someone else.

Time to pimp.
Today’s newest blogger is again from from St. Paul and the thing that drew me to his site was the fact that he could find the Arbitron ratings for the local radio stations (this was when I was bitching about Green Day the other week). has a great style of prose and, a link for fat chicks in party hats (that’s awesome!). He’s got a forum too! Since I’m addicted to forums, I’m gonna add his to the list,


It’s a damn good site. Definitely worth the readin’.

That ghost and me are separated as of NOW.

I was getting sick of standing in four inches of my own swassy water when I decided to figure out why the hell my shower drain was being a bitch. I took my needle nose pliers and stuck it in the drain, squeezed, and pulled out this huge, awful clump of light colored hair.
Now, I don't consider myself to be the extreme squeamish type. After all, I’ve had just about everything sprayed in my face after five years at the yacht club and working on the Mississippi River. That clump of hair though… *shudders*
I’m thinking this lady was a “fire crotch”.

Today is one of those days where there is just so god damn much to talk about. Johan Santana just signed on for four years, the T-wolves are in the midst of trading away their beotches, and the Vikings got a potential new owner in Reggie Fowler.


Not only a new owner, but also the first minority owner in NFL history.

Why do I care so much? For one, I’m getting really sick of seeing rich, old, white dudes (especially from Texas). The second reason is that our neighbors to the east will have another excuse for whenever the Vikings beat the Packers.
Last month plenty of Viking fans that made the trip to Green Bay heard comments like,
“Yeah, you guys may have won, but you still have a n**** as a quarterback”
and instead we’ll get
“Yeah, but you guys still have a n**** as an owner.”
Good god!
Sad thing is, you know it’s true!

I think everyone in Minnesota wanted Glen Taylor to own this team because he’s “one of us” and has proven to spend money with his ownership of the Timberwolves. Taylor did have his chance however. His price was twenty five million less than Reggie Fowler’s and if he really wanted the Vikings he could’ve just made a call to KG because, TAYLOR SIGNS HIS CHECKS!
Taylor calling KG
KG: word?
Taylor: Hey diggity, diggity D-o-douba-g! How ya chillin?
KG: Good boss, what can I do for yas?
Taylor: Can I’s borrow a good twenty five blingaroos?
KG: wah for?
Taylor: Because--you just nevermind and pay your boss!

I don’t know- “the bit” had promise.

But no, maybe, just MAYBE the Vikings will spend some freaking cash!
Just to tell you how tight Red McCombs asshole was, take into account that in his seven years of owning the Vikings,
-he bought the team for around $240 million
-he receive two checks for around $20 million for the expansion teams
-money up the ass every year with the television contracts in that period
-paying his staff just about nothing. The Gopher’s football coach was making more than Tice!
-Red even had a damn garage sale-type-deal a couple years ago where he would sell used office equipment and old Vikings merchandise

Today the tentative deal is that he’s receiving about $635 million for the team.

Yet throughout the past six years we’ve heard how the Vikings can’t compete and how he wants Minnesota to pay for a stadium that would increase his team’s value even more so. If he did that, his team’s value probably would’ve increased by another, at least, $200 million.

It must be rough to be filty fuckin rich!

My parents have been telling me that the best investment is in real estate.
Fuck that! The best damn investment is owning a mother fuckin football team (just listen to the song, Money).
Over $300 million in sheer profit from the team!

Jesus! I’m gonna call up that Fowler and see if I can get a piece of that action.

Tomorrow, I’m gonna pimp another Canadian blogger.

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