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Monday, February 21, 2005

Michael Jackson & Chimp

I don't know what's going to happen to you, baby
But I do know that I love you
You walk around this town with your head
All up in the sky And I do know that I want you

At night when I get home from work the only thing on tv is usually VH1 classic where they play 80’s videos. I usually grab a beer, point and laugh at the homeless Hispanic man with AIDS outside my balcony for 15 minutes, and watch whatever 80’s videos come up.

The past week I’ve seen some really stupid videos by U2, Wang Chung, Patty LaBelle, and Journey. By far the stupidest video has to go to Peter Cetera’s “Glory of Love”.

Wow, this guy really needed a clue. Not only did he puss out Chicago, but he went solo and continued on with his “soft rock sounds of hell”.

At some point I saw a clip of the Jackson 5 performing Dancing Machine. The music, the afros, and the MOVES! I just about shatted myself watching Jacko do these inhuman dance moves. This is when living by yourself comes in handy because you can get away with trying to attempt such dancing in your living room. As much and as long as I tried, I just couldn’t do the music justice.

I also figured that the recent Michael Jackson child molestation case is just a propaganda ploy to introduce demented people to the wonderful music of Michael Jackson and the Jackson 5.

It worked for me.

Now I was really thinking about purchasing a “greatest hits” CD of the Jackson 5 or a retrospective CD chronicling Michael Jackson’s early career. I figured, here’s a guy who surrounded himself with people like Quincy Jones and Stevie Wonder. He also royally fucked Paul McCartney, which enough to don a gold star on his lapel.

I purchased “The Jackson’s story” which contains the essential Jackson 5, The Jackson’s, and Michael Jackson’s Billie Jean.

As I listened to this CD I was thanking my lucky stars that Joe Jackson beat the shit out of all these fantastic kids. It’s probably close to manslaughter in many cases, but if it weren’t for good ‘ole Joe, we wouldn’t have this wonderful music.

Have you honestly ever put ‘Billie Jean’ in your car’s stereo before? You gotta try it! It starts off with this tricky beat and then—THEN the bass line hits!

You have to turn this stuff up!

The one thing that does pop into my mind is what the curious children of today think about Michael Jackson.

I mean I can just imagine some family taking a long road trip when lil' Billy starts snooping around his parent’s CD collection. Lil’ Billy sees a Jackson 5 CD with Michael Jackson fronting the band.

Lil’ Billy: Look, it’s another Michael Jackson
Mom: Nah, it’s the same Michael. He was just really young.

At this point Lil’ Billy is remembering this mug shot of Michael and comparing it to this pic of the band.

Lil’ Billy: Mom, there’s no way this is the same person!
Mom: It is, what makes you think otherwise?
Lil’ Billy: This guy is black and the other guy is white.

Then throw in the chimp, Emmanuel Lewis, and climbing trees scenarios and lil’ Billy is about ready to spontaneously combust.

Maybe Joe Jackson isn’t all that great?

Either way, it’s still gotta piss off Paul McCartney.


Orbitron19 said...

You know who I would love to see in a pay-per-view boxing match? Joseph Jackson & Ike Turner. I would KILL to see the two of them beating Michael Jackson & Tina Turner lookalikes! Or is it just me?

Boof said...

no, no I would probably pay petty change for some serious afros kicking ass.
btw, good afro hall of fame material!

Boof said...

after mulling over the Ike vs Joe hypothetical at the gym, you have to go with Ike.
Never underestimate the heart of a crackhead!