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Tuesday, February 01, 2005

My Element

They disembarked in 45
And no-one spoke and no-one smiled
There were to many spaces in the line.
Gathered at the cenotaph
All agreed with the hand on heart
To sheath the sacrificial Knifes.

This is pretty funny,

And this woman just might be the most beautiful woman in the world. Anyone know of her?

So it follows like this,
Sara Evans
Thea Andrews girl
That Mich ultra woman
Eva Longoria
Jennifer Aniston and
News Anchor babe

We all have our ‘element’ where we are the shit. For instance,

Eric’s might be the karaoke bar singing….i dunno, Invisable Touch? And the women just flock over to him…

Hog’s might be…. Finding out that his friend just got a new apartment and emailing everyone saying,
“HEY, LET’S HAVE A WHITE CASTLE EATING CONTEST!”. Knowing the mutual friends that he emailed, let’s just say that our friends + 1 Crave Case each is about the equivalent to the Manhatten Project.

So if you see a bright light followed with a mushroom cloud in the North Center of the country, it’s not terrorists, but rather just my buddies ‘christening’ my new apartment. The fallout is going to be terrible!

For H it might be something like this…
Walking down the street, H finds this orphan kid on the corner. The kid looks like he hasn’t eaten in a week and he uses his hard earned change that he found to buy a gas station sandwich. Just before he eats this sandwich, he accidentally drops it in the sewer.
H’s reaction while pointing: BAAAAAH HAHAHAHAHAHA OH OH (pounds on the pavement) YA HAHAHAHAAH OH MAN! BAAAAAHAHA. (breath) Hold on, I’ll be right back.

H then comes back with a gas station sandwich and begins eating it.
H: BAAAAAH HAHAHAHAHA (chomp) BAAAAHAHAHAHAHA (chomp) Man, these sandwiches are terrible. (ch-ch-chomp) BAAAAAHAHAHAHAAH

For Hannes, it might be late night, lying in bed when Tim Duncan comes floating in through the window. I don’t know.

For me, the place where I’m always in my element is when I go backpacking. All the trips I have ever gone, I have always been at the top of my comedic game for some reason. I’m comedy gold when I’m in the middle of nowhere.

Now, if one of those women I mentioned earlier could go backpacking with me sometime (preferably the news anchor seeing as she’s the bergblog flavor of the month), life would be grand. She would listen to me complain about slow people that walk around in Target and corporate radio and she would laugh her head off. I would then make her some gorp and tell her some really scary stories about bears ripping her neck off so she’d have to depend on me for her protection and love (hey, it’s my element!). Then at the end of the trip, I would tell her about my TV and she’d be mine forever!

Then while we’re out in…say, Sequoia National Park she’d give me the news rundown at some point. Just that I probably wouldn’t understand her because I hear she’s French. However; it’s ok because I really don’t care what she has to say and Donald Trump recently married someone who barely speaks English so why can’t I?

So it’s all good!


Hannes said...

I worship Tim Duncan but I would prefer Col. O'Neill of SG-1 thank you.

Anonymous said...


Well it was a gas station sandwich!

Orbitron19 said...

I don't know who that newslady is, but she's all over She's a total hottie. Not in an old lady, dead ghost kind of way, but whatever.