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Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Pixie Sticks and Pop Rocks

Christ! You know it ain’t easy,
You know how hard it can be.
The way things are going,
They’re going to crucify me.

I must say, I enjoy all of the links in “my bloggin buddies” and I look at them daily. We should all get together and make a car sometime!

I find that looking for other blogs is tough and frustrating because they all flat-out suck. Seriously, blogging may be some cutting edge, new wave, fuck-the-columnist-type revelation but 95% of them are completely stupid.

Lycradog has a blog called Lycrablog and it’s quite refreshing…and I never ever use that term. I especially get a kick out of that picture of Vince Carter and his balls and then this post really got my shoulders rolling.

Check out Lycrablog so I don’t have to type ‘lycra’ anymore.


Story Time,
Theme: Growing up and Dentists

Throughout my childhood my family had this “All American family dentist” that we trusted and knew somewhat well. Everytime he’d dig into your mouth, he knew what kinda sports you played, how you did in school, and how crappy the rest of your family’s teeth are.

It was great, I’d sit down and we’d just talk smack about my family!
Family Dentist (FM): Man, your Dad’s teeth are down right nasty!
Berg: Yeah well, I don’t think I have ever seen him brush and he sure as hell never made me brush.
FM: Yeah, it took about two hours of putzing around in his mouth.
Berg: I should probably tell him to cool it with the Pixie Sticks and Pop Rocks.

And this is how it went for about 19 years of my life. No cavities, no problems, and plenty of Archie comics that he’d give us for being good.

All these people at school would whine and complain about the dentist and I had no idea where it was coming from.

It went so far (and this is where I stand proudly and gloat) that he’d praise me everytime I came in because…

I never got any wisdom teeth.

Call me evolved, but I never ever had to have a tooth yanked out of my mouth. It was a good tidbit to get people pissed off.

Then in 2001 our family dentist decided to move with some other, younger dental surgeon taking his place. All of a sudden dentistry technology was up to date and the practice was objective compared to “what we wanted to hear” from the previous dentist.

They used this laser and would find the most, smallest looking "maybe cavities" they could find. My bro was the first to get checked up,
Bro=a butt load of cavities
Then my dad went
Dad=wrote the fucking text book in dental repair
Then my mom who has exceptionally good teeth
Mom=more than enough cavities

At this point everyone in my family was bitching up a storm on this new dentists. I was getting a little nervous, but since I never had a cavity, I figured everything would be alright.

I came in and everyone was expecting the worst teeth they’d ever seen after dealing with my family. When I sat down in the room the assistant asked me when the last time I had X-rays. I couldn’t remember to save my life. So she looked in some file and pulled out a manila envelope with the date, 4/90 on it and proceeded to look at X-rays of my teeth from when I was ten years old. AKA: eleven years ago.

Assistant: Well, this doesn’t tell me a goddamn thing.

Got the X-Rays and now it was time for the dentist to come in. Fine. Everything is cool until she whips out this laser and starts scanning my teeth. There was a certain sound this laser would emit and whenever the sound would change a bit, BAM-cavity. “BAM” happened about four times and I stormed out of that place completely pissed off because I never had any problems before and I didn’t get my fuckin Archie comic book. My teeth never hurt, and I didn’t trust this new dentist one damn bit.

We got the hell away from that dentist and went to another guy who practices dentistry subjectively, just the way we want it.

Since I have my own dental plan and need to pick a certain dentist, I have to visit some new dentist and I’ve got a bad feeling. My teeth feel fine and I brush twice a day, so I don’t think there will be any problems. Unless of course, he starts pulling cavities out of his ass.

The sad part is it seems like nowadays you can’t trust doctors anymore because it seems like they just try and milk everything out of insurance. The old eye doctor obviously did that and I can’t help but think that the old dental surgeon did the same.

Whatever happens, I’m fairly certain that…

I DON’T HAVE ANY WISDOM TEETH….bitches

1 comment:

lycradog said...

Count yourself among the lucky. I had four impacted wisdom teeth which I had removed under local anaesthetic. I looked like a battered chipmunk wife for three weeks.