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Thursday, February 03, 2005

The Rally Speech

Moses went walking with the staff of wood.
Newton got beaned by the apple good.
Egypt was troubled by the horrible asp.
Mister Charles Darwin had the gall to ask.

(SCENE: In the locker room with Berg standing on a chair, giving a pep speech for The Deer)

BERG: Guys, gentlemen, steroid induced freaks; the time has come. The time that you all have waiting for your whole lives. The time has come to quit the whining and to play some football. The time has come to say ‘fair is fair’, to pay the rent,
TO PAY OUR SHARE!
Team: YEAH!!

BERG: Pinkston, take off that skirt! Anyway, this whole year you have had to deal with certain teasing bitches like Quentin Griffen and the painfully sucky ones like the Packer defense that I drafted. We’ve also had that tough start where we went 1-4 and couldn’t do anything.

I never doubted you guys for a second. I believed. You believed. Nobody else thought that a team called ‘The Deer’ would ever have anything to show for in their first year of competition.

I believed in you guys the entire season!

After all we’ve been through, we gotta show these Crusin’ Chubbies how real fantasy football superbowl is played! They may already have a starting runningback and one of the best quarterbacks of our time, but I hope to god that I get Corey Dillon in the draft on Saturday. Even so, if you guys play with the heart of a champion, we’ll be the fantasy football champions of these particular 10 teams!

Team: YEAH!!

BERG: Shaun’s Crusin’ Chubbies may have the experience, the money, and names like Brady, Westbrook, Patten, and the Eagles D; but we have something that they don’t.

I’m talking about our man love that we give each other. Our undying support that fuels the numerous gangbangs we have had throughout the season.

So baby dry your eyes and save all the tears you’ve cried.
And that’s, THAT’S what dreams are made of!

Team: YEAH!!
BERG: And I will leave you with our saying that we’ve used all year long.

We’re The Deer so nobody knows exactly what or how many because afterall,

Caribou, moose, elk, and of course deer are all in the deer family!

SO GUYS! LET’S GO OUT THERE AND MAKE A BABY AND WIN IT FOR ME SO I CAN SCORE ME UP $50!!!

(Dorsey Levens starting a slow rhythmic clap and looks around the room for support
Adam Vinatieri then joins in along with Daniel Graham and Christian Fauria.
Now everyone looks at Donavon McNabb and Todd Pinkston. Finally they join in and everyone is now clapping and getting pumped up.
Berg now tries to follow the rhythmic clapping but is totally out of sync.)

BERG: SHOW THEM CHUBBIES WHO’S BOSS! LETS GO!!

(shot now fades to a posterior low slow motion shot of the feet stepping out on the field. Berg comes out and trips over his own feet and starts cursing up a storm.)

Go Deer!

1 comment:

Hog said...

My God man, you have completely lost it.