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Monday, March 21, 2005

A Cathartic Crap List

You cast aside the sheet, you cast aside the shroud
Of another man, who served the world proud
You greet another son, you lose another one
On some sunny day and always you stay,
Mary


****Berg’s dream sequence of coming back to work****

I pull into the parking lot with the rain pouring down on my purple car. As I attempt to get out of the car when I notice a beautiful woman next to me struggling because she never brought an umbrella. I notice this and run over to her rain beaten car to offer her my umbrella. With a surprised look on her face she accepts and we walk together to the entrance of my building. When we find our way to the awning that overlooks the main door, she gracefully thanks me and gives me a friendly humping on my leg and her number.

Already this day is starting great!
I walk up the stairs to the floor where my desk is. I meet some people along the way where they greet me with,
“Hey Tom! How’s Vegas? I took your advice and didn’t pick Wake Forest to do anything in the tournament and, you were right!”
I smile and nod and make my way to my desk where A meets me and says that her job is ready to go and gives me all the work orders for this summer long job. Then D sees me and comments on how “his job” is ready and he’s got everything worked out.
Thus, my summer work is now ready for me to plan out and I can keep good people working for another six months.
When I get to my desk the “Super” boss stops by and summons me to his office.
“Tom, you said you wanted to go on days right? I nod
“Well, we got a job for you. How would you like to….(something that I’m not doing right now)”
“WOOOHOOOO” I replied.
Can this day get any better?

Sure enough, Roger Waters gets back together with Pink Floyd and the Twins announce plans for a new ballpark paid entirely by Carl Pohlad.

Something like that.

Instead…

1. Coming back to work
Instead I got the usual “I don’t know” answers for those summer jobs. The same jobs that are considered **their** jobs they created where “I don’t know” should never be an answer.
Then I had a mountain of junk email greeting me in my inbox and a bunch of people that are just glad that their Monday is minutes from being over.
All this while recovering from a brief cold that weakens the body and plugged up my right ear.

2. Smokers
I admit this may end up being more than a rant than a simple tidbit of crap. By smoking, I’m talking about cigarettes and not drugs because I can somewhat see why people “rock the ganja” and whatnot. Although that’s kinda dumb too.
Also I will ignore the numerous health risks that come with smoking. For those, head on over to the American Lung Association.

I really have had it up to here **makes a signal up to his dick** with smokers.
I hate how they smell like smoke.
I hate how they think it’s “cool”.
I hate how they spend over $3 a pack for this stupid habit.
I hate how they are able to get away with ten smoke breaks throughout any given day.
I hate how they blow smoke on themselves and others when they’re not paying attention.
I hate how they never follow proper smoking guidelines and smoke at the entrance of buildings instead of the designated smoking areas.
I hate how there will be a sign “PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE UNDER THE BUILDING AIR INTAKE!” and they proceed to smoke anyway because…”why not?”.
I hate how they complain about non-smokers complaining about smoke.
I hate the smell and taste of a smoker after being intimate.
I hate how they complain about all the smoking bans.
I hate seeing people on welfare smoking.
I hate seeing parents with kids smoking
I hate seeing women who are “preggers” smoking.
I hate how they throw their butts EVERYWHERE!
I hate how people will say they’re “non-smokers” and proceed to the bar and smoke because “they only smoke in bars”.
I hate—ok I’ll stop there and I’ll say that there are smokers who are considerate of their smoke and they do follow the rules.

However, it seems like those people pop up as much as a 13 seed in the sweet sixteen.
Also I do sympathize with smokers in recovery-it’s gotta be really tough to give it up!

To the people who still smoke because they like it, WHY?
Give me one good reason why you smoke and tell me why it’s worth it?

“Oh it’s a habit and it’s no different than you chewing your nails” Ok sure, but with smoking you go so far out of your way by having a working lighter, the pack, having to go outside, and putting off what you were doing in the first place just smoke.
With chewing your nails, you get nervous and start chewing.

I will also send out the blanket statement that if you smoke and are not in recovery, you’re an idiot. Plain and simple, you’re an idiot!

Think of all the money you’d save if you didn’t smoke. Think off all the food that would taste better without all the fucking tar in your mouth.

Pfew, It’s like I just took a dump.

3. When people mess with my stuff
If you want to get my blood boiling, take something I use everyday and move it to an undisclosed area.
I live my life trying to make peoples lives easier than what they already are. I never want anyone to wait on me and I never want to be in anyone’s way at any point.
Life is hard enough without the assholes.
Therefore, coming back from vacation and finding that someone “puts away” my stuff at another location, I get kinda pissed.
What pisses me off the most is how that someone will act like there’s nothing wrong and everything is great,
EVERYTHING IS NOT GREAT. WHERE THE SHIT IS MY JACKET?
WHERE ARE MY SMOKES?

Well, I wouldn’t say that, but something like that.

4. Now, a topic where everyone has an opinion, euthanasia

WARNING: This might be a little too deep as well.

I swear, if I am ever in a vegetable state, get rid of that eating tube!
If I was to ever see my Dad, Mom, or my Brother in this position (God forbid), I would have to pull the plug—and if the government in the way of Jeb, George, or anyone for that matter tries to stop me, I will never-EVER acknowledge that form of government.

How DARE the government bends over backwards with the likes of Jeb Bush making last minute laws keeping this woman alive longer. She’s been a vegetable for 14 years! Doctors have repeatedly said that there is nothing more they can do. So WHY?

People claim that keeping her alive is an act of morality. Morality? What about ethical? What about the emotional torture the husband has been in for the past 14 years greeting someone who’s been socially, emotionally, and physically dead for over a decade. Yet they’re still alive because the government says so.

My Grandpa received a stroke about seven years ago and was never the same since. He rapidly got worse and there’s nothing more painful than seeing relatives acting as if nothings wrong and forcing him to participate in events despite not being able to speak let alone barely being able to crack a smile.

He lived the last four years of his life in a nursing home, rarely ever leaving because he couldn’t talk or move. He finally stopped eating because living life in a nursing home is not exactly high times. It was simple; once he stopped laughing and teasing he was dead. However most others didn’t see it this way. He was nothing more than a living photograph left in the pouring rain for four years.

Maybe the government should’ve stopped that too. Maybe the Governor should’ve created a last second law so he could spend another five years in the nursing home.

I can’t imagine that as religious as my grandpa was he would go to Hell for that. I can’t imagine how people outside the family would’ve stopped that.

I just can’t believe that.

Pfew… I should talk about babes now.

1 comment:

Hog said...

Berg, that was a good entry, one of your best in my opinion.

On a darker note I would like to offer my condolences to the families of the victims of the school shooting in Red Lake (sorry Berg, don't mean to take up space on your blog).