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Thursday, March 10, 2005

Last One For Awhile

Number 3
You have the right to free Speech
as long as you're not Dumb enough to actually try it.

Read it up fellas, let it soak in, print this entry out, and place it next to the toilet for the next ten days because it will be the last one. Hog, his gf, and myself will be taking on a Las Vegas adventure next week.

If I was going to be sad, it’s because I wouldn’t be able to tell you my fabulous basketball picks for the NCAA tournament. The first round has always been my favorite in terms of sports watching. For me, those days are bigger than the Superbowl, bigger than any one particular World Series game, and better than the NBA Finals game(actually a bag of Doritos are better than the Finals).

Without knowing what the field of 64 is (I refuse to call it 65), I’m forced to make some “leap of faith” predictions.

Final four : UNC, Washington, Illinois, Gonzaga

First #1 to fall will be Wake with Illinois squeaking out a close game in the 2nd round or sweet 16…at some point.

Illinois will lose in the finals
UNC should it all win barring any injuries
Look out for some team out of the Pac 10 to do some damage (Washington probably)
Gophers will lose in the first round

Of course that means absolutely nothing without the pairings and seeds being set. So if I see an empty computer in Vegas and I feel the need to stop over and I seem to care at the time, I’ll write in BERG’S SUPER DUPER UPSET OF THE 1ST ROUND…whenever I can.

I’ll probably come back in two weeks to brag about how my brackets stayed intact and how I won $3700 at the sports book.

I wish.

I do want to tell you all a story about my great bracket predictions of 1996.

Gather ‘round everyone.

I cut out the newspaper that posted the completed brackets before the first round and I took that mad mother to school. I just spent all weekend at home watching “championship week” on ESPN and I was in “the zone”.

Then during Advanced Algebra I had the urge to fill out my bracket. Maybe it was the sheer boredom of the Pythagorean theorem, maybe it was that I was getting an A in the class and I didn’t care, Anyway I had to fill out those brackets right in the middle of the lecture.

I penciled in whom I thought was going to win and I eventually came up with the final four: Mississippi State, Syracuse, Kentucky, and Umass. I would show my friends my brackets and they’d say,
“Mississippi State? Syracuse? You’re nutz man!” Then they’d look longer at the brackets.
“You have UCLA losing to Princeton!!?? What the hell are you smoking?”

So I grabbed my brackets away from their jealous hands and fell asleep in Algebra.

Then Thursday rolled around and I bought a little TV in so I could watch the tournament in class. Hog sat right next to me in (whatthehellclasswuzit?) history or some damn shit. Anyway I had my trapper keeper all bent out of shape so I could get away with watching the tournament in class with my little tv.

Hog whispering: Dude, gimmie that. What’s going on?
Berg: shuddup! Iowa St. is losing!

Then Ms. Fuelling started asking questions to the class,
Ms. Fueling:….what do you think Tom?
I started shuffling my trapper keeper and hiding my tv for the horrifying thought of it being taken away from me. I paid $100 so I could do such a thing!

It turns out she was talking to another Tom in the class and I was left with Hog laughing at me for being so freaked out.

As the day went on, that Princeton/UCLA game went on. The game was really close and it was tied with about ten seconds left. That’s when some Princeton performed a backdoor pass to some other nerd and won the game.

It was the upset of the tournament and I predicted it! I was celebrating as if I won the Stanley Cup. Then as the tournament went on, my final four predictions were dead on. All four teams made it and I was happy.

So the moral of the story is… always gamble when you can because you’ll never know when you’ll predict the final four

**The more you know**

Also I was thinking I would shrink up next week and condense it into this entry.

After all, how can a week go on without a crap list?

So here we go.
Crap list

1. I hate ________ because it sucks
have you ever ______ , I just did and it sucks. Whine, whine, whine. Bitch, bitch, bitch.
I hate this so much. When I grow up I’m gonna _________. You suck so much I wanna ______ it off your_______ asshole.
God I hate ________!

Man the guys I work with are totally afraid of chimps. It’s to the point where they are arming themselves in everyday life because they’re afraid some chimps are going to pop out of nowhere.
What the hell and what the fuck?

I think I have my first upset of the tournament; Puerto Rico Tech is totally going to beat (Arizona/Kansas/Big ten team/Duke). I can feel it!
I also hate how Duke or North Carolina will somehow play all their game in North Carolina! Damn tobacco road.


Brooke Burke
Burke is hot… BUT…. I think she suffers from being hot at far away. I also think that her voice is kind of annoying as referenced in that new Burger King commercial (I must interject that Burger King is now the king of great commercials).
Don’t get me wrong if Burke was right here, right now I would give her the ‘ole Berg charm… and in return she would give me the Burke run-away-screaming-with-arms-waving-wildly-in-the-air.
I do think she is a BIT overrated and I’ve seen better.

Last night I fell in the sewer and I was talking to this rat that I named Splinter. I asked him for some weed and he said he had a crapfull, so he led me to his crib. I followed him and there were all these crazy bugs everywhere and someone just took a huge dump that floated on by—it really stunk! Anyway when we arrived to his crib, he didn’t have any weed but instead he totally wanted to have sex with me! I was surprised because I’ve never been duped by an actual rat before! So I slapped him in the fuckin face and I stormed out of the sewer!

Is it incredibly humble or arrogant to mock oneself?

Whatever, have a good ten days or so!

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