Buying bread from a man in Brussels
He was six foot four and full of muscles
I said, "Do you speak-a my language?"
He just smiled and gave me a vegemite sandwich
I have actually had Vegemite before. It's like ass paste.
Nicolas Cage will need to wait because…
If I was a humble man—a man that could take something of notoriety and not tell anyone because ‘I don’t need the press’.
If I were a man to achieve something as brilliant—no, heroic as to find Internet superhighway notoriety and walk steely eyed past a posse of ‘hotties’ without even using the obvious lines.
If I was so dignified as to not even tell my loved ones of great—no, spectacular accomplishments that would allow me to barely even give a grin if I was the Citypages “Minnesota Blog of the Day” (4/15/05) for my "About a Dumbass" post.
If I were a quiet man I wouldn’t tell you of such critical acclaim.
I wouldn’t need to.
Good lord no.
If I was a true man of wisdom, I wouldn’t need to brag about such accolades.
But I’m not so,
GUESS WHO’S BLOG WAS THE CITYPAGES “MINNESOTA BLOG OF THE DAY” for 4/15/05??
**raises arms out wide and grins in the most arrogant way possible**
Wud up now bitches?
Now I wouldn’t be making a stink about this if it were Cat Fancy or “Look Who’s Doing the Wave Weekly!”, but I will actually read the Citypages whenever I venture deep into Maplewood. I mean where else can I find single women who have a smorgasbord of venereal diseases AND likes to have bologna slapped on their ass? (It’s usually one or the other.)
Citypages is the ultimate wrapping paper for Cd’s and DVD’s too.
Go back to “Great Moments in Gift Wrapping History” and you will note that I used the Citypages (with a link!).
Will I let this get to my head? Probably.
When my boss comes up to me and asks ‘why the hell my project is late and over budget’, I’ll reply with,
“Do you understand that you’re talking to the blogmaster of the MBOD 4/15/05? Now shut the fuck up and give me a goddamn raise you horses ass!”
Then I would get that raise and he’d never tell me off ever again.
Did Dick Trickle ever get “Minnesota Blog of the Day 4/15/05”?
Did Leonardo Da Vinci ever get “Minnesota Blog of the Day 4/15/05”?
Did H ever get “Minnesota Blog of the Day 4/15/05”?
I rest my case.
Tomorrow, I’ll talk about Nicolas Cage. I swear!