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Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Breakfast Predicaments

In his heart he wishes her stardom
His eyes want for her much more
That's not so different
Than the way that he said
"There are so very few stars left"

This morning I woke up and when I grudgingly looked at the clock that read 9:45, the heart started pumping and I immediately got out of bed. I ran for the nearest pair of pants, socks, and jacket just so I could get my ass to Burger King.

Usually at this point in the morning I feel the need to sleep or eat because I know how valuable fast food breakfast are. On this particular day, I was going to try the ‘Enourmous’ from Burger King.

The ‘Enourmous’ has been in the news lately about it’s three strips of bacon, two slices of cheese, tons of egg, and the American sized sausage patty. This piece of heaven weighs in at 47 grams of fat and is 730 calories, but so what.

Being a fast food breakfast connoisseur I have had my eyes on this particular sandwich for awhile now. I’ll find myself sitting quietly waiting in line murmuring,
“meatnourmus, cheesenourmus, mmmm, eggnourmous!“ Usually with food I just eat and then start worrying when I’m seated on the thunder bucket.

With this sandwich the line may have been drawn.

I pull up to BK and instantly chicken-out because for one thing, I don’t want to pay $5.30 for fast food breakfast. One of the joys of fast food breakfast is that it’s cheap as hell and I could be down in the dumps and still enjoy that fabulous biscuit sandwich.

The second thing is that I usually ’bank’ all my allotted calories and fat grams for the end of the day. That way I can eat whatever I want and not even think about it whereas shooting your wad at the butt crack of dawn (or what I call the butt crack of dawn: 9:30am) is just not fun. I can savor a sandwich knowing that I’m still going to be up for another 18 hours.

So then I thought that I could just cut the sandwich in half and eat one half now and save the other for later. The only thing wrong with that is my own personal politics being that It’s such a “Mom” thing to do when you’re cutting your big ass sandwiches in half just because they’re too big. I don’t want to be like that. It makes me feel really old and I want to smack myself.

Then after eating such a colossal sandwich you know you’re going to be brewing these fire cracker-like shits at around 4 or 5pm and that’s just not right. Waking up at 4am to an inner rumbling shitstorm is the status-quo in that department.

So I just couldn’t get myself to buy one. I got my biscuit sandwich instead because it's all I know.

But I wonder, how could anyone honestly chomp these down in the morning? I mean if I can’t who the hell else would?

Oh I know who would. H would for sure!
I bet he’s had six already! What a fucking fatass!




P.S: You just had to click on the 'shit' link didn't ya?

2 comments:

Jesster said...

I didn't click! I don't want to know! I'm sure I will give in sometime, though...

Orbitron19 said...

Monster shit link!