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Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Packing It In (Loverboy Review)

To dream the impossible dream,
to fight the unbeatable foe,
to bear with unbearable sorrow,
to run where the brave dare not go


I'm packing it in for today.
I'm fucking swamped!  No time to do anything.  
I even have to come to work early on a daily basis so i can get everything
done.


Instead I have an email that I sent to my friends last summer as I was
interning
in the Black Hills.




Notes of this email,
 
-Saw Loverboy
-My thumbnail got infected
-and things are goin fine…
 
 
On to the Loverboy review
The weekend of June 19&20th was the weekend of weekends.  There were at least
four places that would make my list for ‘most memorable moments of 2004’
There was
-Lewbowskifest in Kentucky
-Another memorable weekend in the City of Sin, Milwaukee to see some baseball.
-A baseball trip that would wind up in Wrigley field for what turned out to be a
classic game.
-Grandma’s Marathon in Duluth.  I was all signed up and everything, but I
haven’t really been running.
 
Instead of those choices, I saw Loverboy perform in Deadwood, SoDak.  If my own
self from a month ago knew this would happen, I would gladly kick my own ass!
 
Actually I was aiming to miss them because Annoying Radio Announcer
said they were about to get on the stage at 5pm.  Wild Bill days was going on in
Deadwood and so there was lots of Old Millwaukee, Coors, and PBR along with a
free Loverboy concert.
I decided to wait a couple hours until like 8pm to show up since I don’t like
loverboy.  At  7:40pm I walk up to a stage with a couple thousand tired
baby boomers drunk and waiting.  That’s when I heard the announcement,
“Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready for some kickin’ rock music!?”
 
Oh no, this better be some local rock band with an old following.
 
“Loverboy will be ready in ten minutes!”
 
Fucking dammit!  I actually came just in time for loverboy.  I thought since bad
movies and music fascinates me, might as well watch the damn show.
I mean, I’ve seen the movie Glitter, I’ve seen Creed live, and whenever that
damn loverboy song ‘Turn Me Loose’ is on the radio, I have to listen to it!
It’s interesting to me how a song or movie can change my mood and piss me off in
a matter of seconds.  I get so mad when I hear that stupid whiney song by
loverboy, I think it’s been the source of at least two speeding tickets!
 
Loverboy has always been a guilty pleasure for so many people.  To me, it’s been an
innocent hatred towards the band. Right on down to the red headband and red leather
pants.
 
 
So shit, I have to stay and see these guys based on opportunity cost.  More
importantly, I have to see my all time most hated song live, and in the flesh!
 
Might as well review this fucker I thought.  It sure beats trying to enjoy it!
 
Everywhere I saw little kids getting excited.  Excited!  Do you kids know what
you are about to see?  I thought about buying a couple thousand beers for
myself, but when you take a depressant (alcohol) and mix it with an enormous
depressant (Loverboy)  I would probably end up trying to lure a family of brown
recluses to come and have lunch on my other thumb.
 
So now comes loverboy on stage; a bunch of old dudes wearing shades.  The lead
singer,
Fat Fuck, is really fucking fat now compared to the red headband pencilneck of
the early 80’s.
“ARE YOU READY TO PARTY?”  says Fat Fuck.
“no” I mutter pissed off.
 
1.               Change your mind
2.               Lucky Words
3.               Leave Her Alone
4.            Take me to the top
5.            Do what you like
6.            This could be the night
7.            It’s hot tonight
8.               When it’s over
9.            Hot girls
10.          Turn me loose
11.               Working for the Weekend
12.               ??????? Sorry, I left
 
Now when you have such inspirational and poetic songs as ‘It’s Hot Tonight’ and
‘Hot girls’, I start thinking that maybe I should just chuck my presidential
campaign and start making music.
 
The fourth song, ‘Take Me to the Top’ had a Doors medley at the end.
 
!!!!!!RED FLAG!!!!!!!!
 
A band like loverboy has no business even mentioning The Doors or even talking
about music before the era of disco.  
 
Loverboy is the hangover that disco gave the US of the late 70’s.
 
Now The Doors and Pink Floyd are two bands that are somewhat similar in their
psychedelic manner.  If loverboy played a Floyd medley, shit would hit the fan,
indeed!
I probably would’ve walked up to the mike and said,
“STOP IT!!! THE TERRORISTS HAVE NOW WON!”
 
I mean, I can just imagine Jim Morrison hanging out with his naked Indian in the
desert.  Jim looks in the sand and sees Loverboy doin his songs.
“Oh god no!”
and the naked Indian goes on to stick his face in the sand and bawl for three
days!
 
‘Do What you Like’ sounded like old Nintendo music.
‘When it’s over’ was a cruel joke.  Fat Fuck had the entire crowd chanting,
“IT’S OVER!”.  So I thought, Sweet, it must be over!
No, the best was yet to come.  After ‘It’s over’ there was this awful 15 minute
bass solo.  IT WOULD NEVER END!  So I decided to walk around Deadwood for a
little bit.  Touring the casinos and other knick nacks.  
Finally when I came back the bass solo turned into a familiar song.  Yes, I had that
urgeto cry and vomit simultaneously. ‘Turn Me Loose’ was now starting.
 
It may have been the pinnacle to a possible quarter life crisis.  No lebowskifest, no
baseball,no marathon. Instead I get Loverboy. ugh
 
Yeah the song really sucked live, but everyone really wanted to hear it.  Everytime I
think ofthe lyrics to that song I keep thinking,
“Why wont they turn him loose?  Why does he want to make love to everything thing
thathe pleases? LET FAT FUCK GO SO HE’LL STOP WHINING ABOUT IT!”
 
FREE FAT FUCK!!!
 
So that was tough.  Next was ‘Working for the Weekend’, which, I thought, was the
last song of the night. I mean, what else would? If you are loverboy and you play that
song,you’ve just blown your preverbail wad. Nah they kept playing and that’s when
I couldn’t take it anymore.
 
I mean, that’s just fucking silly.
 
So yeah, I’ll give it a D+ only because it was free.  
 
Later this month, Cher and JOURNEY come to Rapid, but neither are free.  
<>

Other than music, my thumb ended up growing to the size of two thumbs. I had some
nice pain n’ puss to wake up to the past couple mornings. Yeah good things eh.

Things are goin good here, I haven’t been into too much trouble yet.

Getting ready to see some mad fireworks at Mt. Rushmore.

hope ya’ll are hangin in there.

talk…later

berg

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