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Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Quick Bits 2.0

Die hard - you're caugh in a trap
Hunter - there's no looking back
Die hard - he's lost in the crowd
Hunter - die hard and proud


Seems that someone had a case of the Mondays yesterday. Nothing more than a bad day and yearning over Kristin Davis.

Today I’m going with quick bits…

-The ceremonial first pitch in baseball is a special time for everyday people who do everyday things to play a part in the game. Although, I do have a couple problems with this.

For one the P.A. announcer is always lying after they throw the ball. “STRIIIIIKEEEE!!!” is what is always shouted fashionably by the PA announcer. It’s just that exactly how many ceremonial first pitches are strikes? Like NONE. They’re always thrown by extremely old or young people and they could roll the ball over the plate and still hear that patented “STRIIIIIIKKKKKEEE!!!!” call.

What a bunch of crap that is! Why can’t they be honest by saying “BAAAAAALLLLL low” and be done with it? After all lets face it, a pitch is a pitch whether it’s a strike or not.

Two, the pitch should count in the regular game stats. If it is the ceremonial first pitch it should be filed away as such.

Lets not fool ourselves people!

-Just picked up Chappelle’s second season and I must say, it’s comedy gold. When I first saw that Rick James episode, I felt that it was probably one of the best shows I have seen on cable. That is until I saw the Wayne Brady episode and THAT is unbelievable! I shatted myself twice! How the hell does that happen?

-Torii Hunter is killing me! HE’S FUCKING KILLING ME!!! He’s a damn good outfielder but he s u c k s so goddamn much at the plate! Isn’t there a hitting coach anywhere that can teach the guy to be a little patient? Can’t Mickey Tettleton come along and show Hunter how to just lean the bat on the shoulder for a couple pitches?

-Actually nearly all of the Twins hitters are killing me! It seems that they swing at any 2-2 pitch no matter how high or low it is. There’s nothing more disappointing than watching a hitter-with two runners on and two out-to swing at a pitch at their neck.

Put me in there! I could get a hold of one of those pitches I reckon.

-Wouldn’t it rock to belt a 95mph fastball into the seats? The pitch comes when you’ve already started swinging and you feel the crack of the bat. It feels so damn easy as if the ball wanted to jet off into midair and finally into the stands.

It’s gotta be one of the best feelings ever!

-I heard Jerry Bell (Twins president) talking about the upcoming stadium and how everything was going to paid. It turns out that the city wouldn’t pay for a retractable roof and Carl Pohlad was so irritated about that that he threatened to scrap the whole plan.

I got a solution for you Carl, WRITE A FUCKING CHECK!!!! You’re lucky you have Hennepin county paying for 75% of the stadium as it is. You’re a multi BILLIONAIRE, richer than George Steinbrenner, and your whining over the 100million it would take to furnish a roof that would inevitably give you more money.

It’s like fucking P-Diddy’s quest to raise money for some charity by running the NYC marathon. Nothing wrong with that except that he would fly halfway across the country to buy running shoes (I’m sure NYC has a place to purchase running shoes) and pay for personal trainers (not really needed). Not to mention that whatever money he tried to raise, HE COULD’VE JUST WROTE A CHECK! I think he raised like 2 million
*CLAP…………………CLPA*

Doesn’t he make like 100 million dollars a day or something.

-I saw Kieth Richards on high definition the other night.
*shudders* Yes, Hi Def allows viewers to see ALL blemishes. Not only that but he was singing a duet with Norah Jones (who’s about a 7). On one side you have a beautiful woman and the other is this Marlboro/Jack Daniels mutant with bloodshot eyes.

When Kieth Richards smiles the whole world doesn’t smile back.

-New Audioslave album, awesome!

1 comment:

VP Sean said...

Jesus Berg, do you need new glasses? Norah jones is NOT a 7. Not even close. Maybe like A 3.5. And that's when she's not singing her particul brand of jazz-lite treacle crap.