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Thursday, May 05, 2005

Twisting Ass Bones

She’s a witch of trouble in electric blue,
In her own mad mind she’s in love with you.
With you.
Now what you gonna do?
Strange brew -- kill what’s inside of you.

When I grow up…… and I’m a major league baseball player I’m not going to take pills of any kind. I wont touch poppy seed muffins and hang around smokers. When I’m a MLB ballplayer I’d stay in shape and keep a close eye on everything. If a groupie came by, I would inspect that vagina like it came back from Ron Mexico’s house. After all, you don’t want women black mailing you by inserting steroids in their vagina!
Because if you’re body is a six figure investment, you have to!

We’re talking about a league where the minimum is $316K! I think I would be watching what I’m eating at that point.

Not to mention the millions of dollars if you end up being semi good or if you find a way to rake in 100 million dollars like Kevin Brown somehow did back in the day.

I would just eat Doritos and milk all day because I wouldn’t be able to trust anything else.

A couple years ago I’m sure someone would confront roid using ballplayers about their usage and it would go something like,

Doctor: You know, Mr. Bonds you shouldn’t really be doing all those ‘roids.
Bonds: You shut you’re god damn mouth before I twist your ass bone!

And that was that.

Man if I had a minimum salary of 316k I would go to the grocery store and buy some taco making materials and make some killer tacos. (Killer tacos=meat and cheese)

I’d also buy me a damn house too! A sixth of that would be a fine down payment to a hizzy in the suburbs.

Damn, I need a raise!

1 comment:

Orbitron19 said...

The Ron Mexico blast was hilarious!

I think I would live on Chipotle, Outback Steakhouse & Starbucks, personally. I know for DAMN sure I wouldn't get popped for taking something I didn't notice. I wouldn't even take an aspirin!