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Friday, June 24, 2005

Cinderella Man Review

You get a shiver in the dark
It's raining in the park but meantime
South of the river you stop and you hold everything
A band is blowing Dixie double four time
You feel alright when you hear that music ring

I’m thinking of potential stories for my new movie. So far I’m thinking that my main character will be a ‘down-on-his-luck’ laborer apprentice whose always had potential being an accountant. He’s had bad luck throughout his life starting at the age of six when his Dog was accidentally hit by a Vespa.

This lead character, Dirk, also didn’t graduate high school because after one incident involving copious amounts of DDT in his turkey and gravy he vowed never to come back again.

The night before he was living in a ‘Super Doritoes’ sized bag until it was stolen by Chuck Knoblauch, another homeless vagrant.

His one talent was eating competitions and if he was to just focus on eating and pacing himself, he could’ve been the worlds best eating champion.

Ah… then he meets a girl… somehow.
And one day his laborer buddy challenges him to a mashed potato eating contest where he dazzles all the onlookers (foreman and the bastard construction consultant) by inhaling them.
He’s then automatically entered into the International Federation of Competitive Eating… somehow.
Next will be a montage with Dirk eating and shitting behind the music of Van Halen's Dreams.
Then eventually Dirk’s gf is pleading with him,
“Oh Dirk, you’re killing yourself with all this eating! How can you eat like this when you’re going to be a fath-ooops”
“You mean, I’m going to be a father?”

And he ends up being the world eating champion.

Add some minorities, a couple Iraqis with some sort of Middle East subplot, and a forced sense of patriotism through strategically placed flags and phrases and BAM! That’s my movie.

At least it’s better than most Sylvester Stallone movies.

Sylvester Stallone’s one decent movie, Rocky, in my opinion, has now been overtaken. For years Stallone has been clenching with dear life to the ‘Rocky’ series that he’s written and directed.

Cinderella Man totally blows Rocky out of the water. The Actors and story are all better than Rocky and I even liked Rocky. Russell Crowe actually pulls off the depression era boxer fantastically and his Australian accent doesn’t even get in the way of the movie.

Renee Zellweger even gave that pissed off/crying look, which usually bugs the hell out of me, and even that didn’t stain this movie. In fact, this movie doesn't waste that much time with Zellweger’s dumb acting and stayed with the family’s struggles throughout the depression era.

This was the most suspenseful movie I have seen since Spellbound (seriously, it’s suspenseful!) and it’s the best thing out there except for maybe that new Batman movie.

The best part of this movie is the setting and how Ron Howard gives people more of a distinct accent from where they descended upon.

And yes Ron Howard’s brother, Clint, made an apperarence as he does in-what seems like all-of Howard’s movies.

The setting was great especially the Hooverville in Central Park was even more overwhelming as to the conditions back in the 30’s.

So over all I give this movie about five head nods and three thumbs up.

Good weekends all around

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