The sweet smell of a great sorrow lies over the land
plumes of smoke rise and merge into the leaden sky:
a man lies and dreams of green fields and rivers
but awakes to a morning with no reason for waking
I made the trek, once again, to that dreaded store where you dodge middle aged zombies in the biggest retail maze ever: Ikea. Not only that but I was searching for an item that I have no clue about: beds.
Since that *rolls eyes* waterbed fiasco, I have been sleeping on my couch and it’s actually been pleasant. I feel productive when I'm laying down in "bed" and watching TV while listening to the stereo. Some would call it 'multitasking'. Therefore, I need to find a bed fast before I decide that the couch will be my permanent bed.
After all, ya can’t fit four beautiful women and myself onto a couch!
When it comes to beds and bedding and bedroom stuff, I am completely out of my element. My best nights sleeping have been outside on camping trips, so I have no frame of reference when it comes to beds. My first bed was with this flimsey mattress that had a thick scent of urine and it was really bouncy. The thing probably could’ve really screwed up my back but since I was used to it, it didn’t make any difference to me. Then my parents finally conferred with each other and bought me and my bro a new mattresses because… well they wouldn’t tell us. It probably has something to do with chronic back problems that begin at age 26.
All I know about beds is: ‘oooh comfy’, lay down, and sleep.
I remember looking for mattresses before I got a waterbed. I’m thinking, ‘Really, how much can a mattress cost?’
Good God! I saw a mattress for $1200 and I nearly pooped my pants. I saw that the cheapest was like $200 and I said, “fuck dat” and left in a loud swearing tirade.
If you could only imagine me perusing a mattress shop/ bed shop. I'm like a Wisconsinite immediately after a Packers loss wandering around a dry county without a car.
At that point, I swear to god, I was thinking of sleeping out on my balcony with my sleeping bag. Just doing some sort of suburban cowboy thing out on the balcony.
Then I thought, ‘Let’s not get stupid now.’
I’ve never looked and really studied a bed. I’ve never used sheets (other than the elastic one that separates you and the mattress) in over ten years. I nixed the idea of finding a bed frame because what the hell does a bed frame do otherwise? I also don’t know what the hell a box spring does or have ever utilized one.
I know a bed is not a microwave, but Jesus, shopping for one is a pain in the urethra.
Fuckin frames, slats, head boards, midbeams, footboards, boxsprings, and sleep numbers