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Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Confused While Bed Shopping

The sweet smell of a great sorrow lies over the land
plumes of smoke rise and merge into the leaden sky:
a man lies and dreams of green fields and rivers
but awakes to a morning with no reason for waking

I made the trek, once again, to that dreaded store where you dodge middle aged zombies in the biggest retail maze ever: Ikea. Not only that but I was searching for an item that I have no clue about: beds.

Since that *rolls eyes* waterbed fiasco, I have been sleeping on my couch and it’s actually been pleasant. I feel productive when I'm laying down in "bed" and watching TV while listening to the stereo. Some would call it 'multitasking'. Therefore, I need to find a bed fast before I decide that the couch will be my permanent bed.


After all, ya can’t fit four beautiful women and myself onto a couch!

*shakes head*

When it comes to beds and bedding and bedroom stuff, I am completely out of my element. My best nights sleeping have been outside on camping trips, so I have no frame of reference when it comes to beds. My first bed was with this flimsey mattress that had a thick scent of urine and it was really bouncy. The thing probably could’ve really screwed up my back but since I was used to it, it didn’t make any difference to me. Then my parents finally conferred with each other and bought me and my bro a new mattresses because… well they wouldn’t tell us. It probably has something to do with chronic back problems that begin at age 26.

All I know about beds is: ‘oooh comfy’, lay down, and sleep.

I remember looking for mattresses before I got a waterbed. I’m thinking, ‘Really, how much can a mattress cost?’
Good God! I saw a mattress for $1200 and I nearly pooped my pants. I saw that the cheapest was like $200 and I said, “fuck dat” and left in a loud swearing tirade.

If you could only imagine me perusing a mattress shop/ bed shop. I'm like a Wisconsinite immediately after a Packers loss wandering around a dry county without a car.

At that point, I swear to god, I was thinking of sleeping out on my balcony with my sleeping bag. Just doing some sort of suburban cowboy thing out on the balcony.

Then I thought, ‘Let’s not get stupid now.’

I’ve never looked and really studied a bed. I’ve never used sheets (other than the elastic one that separates you and the mattress) in over ten years. I nixed the idea of finding a bed frame because what the hell does a bed frame do otherwise? I also don’t know what the hell a box spring does or have ever utilized one.

I know a bed is not a microwave, but Jesus, shopping for one is a pain in the urethra.

Fuckin frames, slats, head boards, midbeams, footboards, boxsprings, and sleep numbers

WTF???

4 comments:

Rowan said...

Do yourself a big favor and don't buy your frame at IKEA. I've gotten 2 there. The mattresses are super comfy, at least for me. But...the frames fall apart in a really big way.

Problem is, the frame shifts over time and widens, allowing the rediculous slats to fall through. The flimsy X shaped thing that is suposed to keep this from happening is quite week. My last IKEA frame ended up with me screwing the slats into the frame until the next time I moved...when I simply chucked it.

So, in sumary, buy IKEA mattresses if you want to, but beware the IKEA frame. I hope this helped.

h said...

Dude,

You remember the bed I had a bitch of a time putting together? Yeah don't buy one of those, that's what Rowan was talking about...
Do what many a bachelor does, boxspring on the ground, mattress on top. Cheap. Effective. When the time is right, spend a few bucks and get a real frame frame type frame.

Anonymous said...

Tom, save yourself the trouble and just go to Slumberland. Most of the times the people are friendly there and will help you find what you need. They usually have pretty decent sales there too. You aren't going to get a good bed for dirt cheap. Justin and I have a Queen Size Sealy Pillow Top and we love it. You don't need a headboard or footboard. It is just there to make the bed look pretty. They will be able to hook you up with a frame too and will come and deliver/set the bed up for you. We got our set, plus a frame extender for like 800 bucks. If you are interested in sheets, go to JCP and get the 250TC Egyptian Cotton sheets. They are a little bit more expensive (Higher thread count=higher price) but they are the best sheets in the world. If you don't want any girls in your bed then just get any old cheapies ;)

VP Sean said...

I slept on my couch for a year and a half cause I decided I didnt need a bed after I broke up with the ex. New GF wasn't so hot on the idea, Voila: new bed.