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Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Father's Day 2005

He searched for those wings that he knew
that this angel should have at her back.
And although he can't find them
he really don't mind
because he knows they'll grow back.

Throughout the week I was told the itinerary for Father's Day 2005.

We were going to meet at 3:30pm Sunday, at my parents house to celebrate Fathers day.
I arrive a little later and no one is home. So I sit and look for food and other things I could steal/acquire until the fam arrives in the driveway. Eventually my Dad comes up-sporting his usual NASCAR cap- and we begin with making Father’s Day supper.

I step outside to help out with the cooking and when turned to head back inside when I was staring face-to-face with my dad. My instant reaction was,
(blink:blink) ‘AAAHHH!! I’ve GOT to move far away from this place!’ because Dad wasn’t looking like Dad. He didn’t have the usual silver headed comb over that he usually dons.

His hair was 95% shaven off with the extra five percent in numerous clumps around his head. These ‘clumps’ were not small. Let’s say that if my dad was standing 100 yards away you’d notice his head and say,
“Damn, someone really fucked up that haircut job!”

A cartoon couldn’t portray such a hair cut.

Apparently he was spiting my mom because she would--for weeks--keep nagging my dad about his ugly comb over. Now he was going to ‘one up’ her by completely fucking up his hair.

I mean it happens in all families, right? Dad get’s mad at Mom and says,
“Well, how would you like if I just screw up my hair? What are you going to complain about then?” Meanwhile, my brother and I would be praying that we were switched at birth.

I couldn’t look at him without completely cracking up even though I was in a terrible mood! I was snapping at everyone that day, but just one look at my dad would just have me in unstable laughter.

So as we’re eating I’m talking to him about work stuff and I have to look away because I can’t wreak a serious conversation with sporadic laughter.

The sad thing is, it could’ve been my mom giving him a hair cut.

First tangent in awhile

Once upon a time I needed a buzz cut, so my mom volunteered to cut my hair. Great! How can she possibly screw up a buzz cut?

A drunken monkey could do it!

The haircut went well, I then asked her to ‘clean up’ that hair behind the ears because you get that uneven stuff surrounding the back part of the ear lobe.

I’m now getting ready for a gentile touch behind the ear to clean up the loose hairs. Instead I feel the full two inches of the hair clippers behind my ear and my mom decides to give a 2” diameter clear cut around my ear. The full two inches!

I looked in the mirror in shock and it was a good thing that I was even more of a goofball then because instead of intense rage, I was just plain irritated by such a move.

So now I’m looking in the mirror with the hair around one ear totally shaved off and I was reading something about how important a face’s symmetry is. Naturally I told my mom to do the same to the other ear.

It was a fantastic train wreak of a hair cut!

It’s like that Simpson's episode where Burns constantly asks Boggs to ‘Shave those sideburns!’.

Anyways tomorrow I’ll tell you about a great movie.


Anonymous said...

Wasn't Mr. Burns telling Don Mattingly to shave his sideburns?

Boof said...


I think you're right.

I'll have to take a look at that.

Orbitron19 said...

Dude! You gotta post a picture of your Dad! Mine's coming to town this weekend and I'm frightened by the things he says..."He already told me that he "doesn't believe" in DNA.