We had a friggin shitstorm hit us and I had to clean up some crap.
Here is an emal that I sent out last year....
I was feeling the effects of three months of Sodak so bare with it.
|Subject:||The official platform!|
First things first, for those keeping score, I am through making fun of the lead singer of Creed. It's just too damn easy now. In his place I will focus my efforts on Joe Namath.
Lead singer of Creed, Joe Namath.
And now with the email
Well, I found Jesus this summer. He was kickin’ it in Hill City by the gas station.
We shot the shit for a good two hours. It was fun.
Anyway, now that Sodak is far, far behind me, I will now focus a whole 10% of my energy towards our campaign.
Berg/Deiren…whatever the fuck it is in 2004
“Shit’s gonna change!”
I hear that people want ‘anyone but Bush’ in 2004. I am here to say that I am ‘anyone but Bush’. So elect me!
Here is my list of my promises.
“Hey man I still need to file those reports!”
“Hey fuck it man, it’s fuck it Thursday, a national holiday!”
Long lines at target
Dumb ass people
Bad drivers and
‘The Bob and Tom show’ (it’s a terrible syndicated morning radio program!)
But don’t worry; we’re simply helping Darwinism out a little bit. Giving it a nudge if you will. For example,
Well have people sit at a desk with a clock showing correct local time. A midget wearing a choice basketball uniform will walk in and ask one question.
WHAT IS THE CURRENT LOCAL TIME?
If the person gets that question wrong, they die. It’s easy enough. Basically if you have common sense, you’re in!
If someone passes on the right for no apparent reason, they die
If someone survives a car wreak that was caused by the driver watching his DVD player, he’s gonna die
If someone brings in a whiney kid to the movie theatre, they both die.
If someone drives a hummer two blocks because they didn’t want to walk, they die!
Joe Namath for wearing his stupid ass fur coat on the sidelines in the 70’s… well after he finishes his 12th step, he’ll die too.
Also, one anonymous day, we’ll take away all safety road signs and make all stoplights flash green constantly. It will cause chaos and whoever lives from that, will deserve to live.
Believe me folks; after everything is said and done, we’ll live in paradise!!!
Oh and we’ll also cure the social security problem by wiping out a lot of old people!
Good times eh?!
Of course nothing really applies to me because I’d be the damn President! The country needs a president right? And Sean’s not an option!
8. Berg and Sean will also change Sean’s last name to something spell able unlike Deirenslkjdfederov…or whatever to something like Lee or Bryant or Melosavic.
“HEY TONY, WE’RE NOT DONE RIPPIN’ AND DIPPIN' YET!”
11. Announce a ‘point and laugh at Wisconsin day’. No different than any Sunday when the Packers play.
Some people may be concerned about my lack of military experience, but I have been in the trenches. I just spent the summer in Sodak for Christ’s sake! I saw Loverboy LIVE. That’s like 15 fuckin’ purple hearts right there!!!
When election night ’04 hits in November, my color is going to be that pukey yellowish-green color, the color of Pus if you will.
So there it is, my platform. Shit’s indeed gonna change when I’m elected!
No bullshit. No mudslingin’.
And I’m not some rich bastard.
In fact, I plan on paying for my campaign through sex.
And if that doesn’t work, I have two cases of Fat Tire beer that I’ll sell too (Seriously)
God Bless America and Iowa