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Sunday, July 24, 2005

About Gram Parsons

Hope you got your things together.
Hope you are quite prepared to die.
Looks like we're in for nasty weather.
One eye is taken for an eye


I was watching the Gram Parson’s tribute concert this last weekend on TV when I had the craving for graham crackers. Gram (or Graham) is a good name because it always gives me happy memories of me eating graham crackers. Not the typical graham crackers, but the cinnamon ones with the sugar and stuff on top.

I loved those! I would come home from school and eat a crap load of cinnamon graham crackers and watch Duck Tales.

The problem was whenever I would meet someone named Graham, I was never at a grocery store or I would never remember to buy any graham crackers.

So what did I do yesterday?

I went to the grocery store and bought barbecue sauce, chicken nuggets, and graham crackers.


Crap List

1. People who don’t smile for the camera
We all know at least one person that doesn’t like to smile for the camera and instead they give you a blank stare or worse, the ’badass’ look for every simple snapshot.

The blank stare is beyond me because I know they were ready for the snapshot and they had plenty of time to give something resembling a smile. Still, they give the ’deer in headlights’ worried look, which is uncalled for and not worth chronicling.
‘Look at me, I’m posing like an owl at my uncle’s wedding!’

The badass look, or ’I’m tough’ look’ is just stupid. It’s just a stupid, subtle pose that apparently, is supposed to make them look ‘hotter’ or ‘cooler’ when the gesture is not needed.

I’ve even seen the badass look performed in family photos which is just pathetic.
‘Look at me I’m a badass at my cousin’s first communion!’

ARGHHH SMILE DAMNIT, SMILE!!!

2. People who talk about--but don’t know shit--about baseball
With the MLB trade deadline coming in it’s final stretch everyone from radio hosts to below average fans feel the need to chime in on what needs to be done with their team of choice.
In terms of the Twins I’ve heard these statements

-Twins should trade whatever they can to get a good, big bat like Thome

-Wouldn’t Griffy look good in the outfield? We should get him

-Why can’t the Twins just spend a little money for once?

Those three statements/questions are completely stupid if you know anything about the Twins and baseball. From the top:

“Twins should trade whatever they can to get a good, big bat like Thome”
For one Thome is being paid way too much for the Twins to acquire this guy. He’s getting paid like $13 million. That’s like 25% of the current payroll, so he better be good
Two, he sucks! He’s batting 220 with an OPS of .712, near the lowest of his career.
Three he’s old (34 just like Boone)
Four, he’s injured, so stop with the stupid shit

-Wouldn’t Griffy look good in the outfield? We should get him.
It would take a great deal of Twins prospect and starters to acquire Griffey, I’m assuming. Such a move would be expensive, screw us over for the next couple years, and be nonsensical because we have too many outfielders as it is.

-Why can’t the Twins just spend a little money for once?

As much as I hate rationalizing a multi billionaire, we’ve seen it too many times to know that it just wont happen. Not to mention that is irrational and just not in the Twins place to buy such a player. The last thing we need to do is act like the Mets and buy the best 34 year old player available (not Boone since he was cheap).

Such a move could screw us royaly

3. Sparkling water beverages
Bleh! I tried one at work thinking it would merely be flavored water but I soon found out it was clear diarrhea. I couldn’t even finish the bottle I bought because it was so nasty!
It was like liquid ‘The Day After Tomorrow’ and drinking it!

Until tomorrow, have a graham cracker for me!

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