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Wednesday, July 06, 2005

The More You Know

I've sat and watched the woodpiles
grow through the summer
now I'm sitting, smelling summer burn through the fall
Winter's coming on, days getting dreary
and I'm thinking this is the season
that I leave you all

On Sunday I came home to bring back the ‘chup that I stole from the day before. Also, I wanted to let my parents know that I didn’t have a massive heroin overdose from the day before.

I came in the kitchen and chatted with my Dad as he was watching some race on tv until he was noticeably annoyed by my blathering. I then walked into the living room where my Mom was resting comfortably in front of Lifetime programming or one of the womanly channels.

So I bugged the crap out of her for awhile until I actually sat back and took in what she was watching. It was some documentary about a wedding that takes you from the engagement to the reception.

I started viewing the end of the program when the reception was being held and I finally caught glimpse of the bride.
*shudders* whoa not even all the flowers in the world could make this woman even close to good looking. She was just a flatout ugly lady!

I then blindly stood up and loudly exclaimed,
“THAT, is one ugly bride!”

And it felt like the barometric pressure needle just buried.

Now lord knows I don’t know a thing about women and I despise weddings, but I found out rather quickly that I touched a nerve.

My Dad actually heard my statement and proceeded to ‘mute’ his race and hide the smirk on his face.

When I sat back down, my Mom’s eyes were fixed on mine and she was out for blood.
Her steely eyes were studying my actions as if she was trying to figure out if I was trying to riel her up or see if she was still awake.
Her assessment found that I was serious.

“You better watch what you say!” she sternly told me. I was completely dumbfounded.
Was this a show about a family member I didn’t know about? Why does she care so much about this particular bride?

No, she wasn’t related. I couldn’t find any particular link.

“What? Look at her, she’s fugly!”
“Fugly?” replied my Mom.
“Well yeah, really ugly”

She was still looking at me as if I just wreaked her sewing machine.
“Someday buster, someday”

Then it hit me, never talk about how ugly a bride is when there is another female in the room. Apparently weddings are a big no-no when criticizing the looks of the bride.

I had no idea but now I know.


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