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Sunday, July 17, 2005

Temporary (Now Done)

Be careful with the die
when you're surrounded by others
with boxcars in their eyes.
Never count your winnings at hour 23
of a 24-hour drive.

I was sporting a huge headache, watching Dances with Wolves, and trying to type up this crap list. Today I don’t have the headache so I not only finished this entry BUT I EDITED IT TOO!!!! So now instead of an entry with bad grammer, I created an entry with mediocre grammar.


I’ve been completely addicted to baseball in the last couple weeks. Saturday was the first game I have seen in the Metrodome in about a month. Although I have seen 3 games in a seven day period.

It’s seems that the more baseball I watch, the more I get annoyed.

Crap List

1. When pitchers take a loss for a 2-1 game
This is complete bullshit. Just because your team is incapable of scoring 2 measly runs doesn’t mean the pitcher should take the loss. They should just make up a stat called ‘got screwed by own team’ (GSBOT). The Twins starters would be leading the league in that stat.
It’s even more pathetic when the starter throws a complete game and takes the loss like what happened to Brad Radke last week.

This has all happened to the Twins in the last 3 weeks because our offense is lucky to score 4 runs in a game.

Take last Saturday’s game. The Twins gave up four runs. Johan Santana, the Twins starter, only gave up 1 ER because our infield couldn’t play up to the level of a cardboard box. Santana managed to secure the win although his team could’ve easily given him the no-decision.

If I were a starting pitcher who just pitched a 1-0 complete game loss, I would probably cleat everyone to the point where they’d sport bruises like my beloved Samantha.

So when you see a 20 game winner this year, credit his team that can score more than 1 stupid run.

2. Stupid fans.
**Remember this if you attend another baseball game**
If you sit in the front row, make sure you know the tricks of the trade.
Like so:
1. If you are sitting in FOUL territory only reach for the ball if the home team is batting.
If Steve Bartman taught us ANYTHING it’s to pay attention to where you are sitting.
2. If you are sitting in the home run porch, at least give your team’s fielder a chance to catch the ball.
This guy in Boston was sitting next to Pesky’s pole and stuck his hands in the way of a possible Trot Nixon catch. I also saw something like this at the Metrodome in centerfield. Hunter was going back for the ball and could’ve made a spectacular homerun saving catch, but this stupid fan HAS to have the ball so-no catch. Everyone in the dome was booing these fans who were so happy to catch the ball that they didn’t even know what happened.

Even if you catch that ball you should throw it back. Don’t get me started on that topic.

Ballparks should hand out pamphlets or sections should have their own ‘section marshall’ to tell fans when it’s alright and not unacceptable. I could be that person!

3. Giants 10,000 win
I think I may be the only person to even care about this but last Thursday the San Francisco Giants won their 10,000 win in franchise history….and they get this little blurb on the game recap.


In a sport where numbers mean so much you’d think that 10,000 wins would blow some minds. You’d think that 10,000 wins would garner a huge celebration and giving people another excuse to have sex.

At least I would think.

No, no one cares. No one could give 2 shits about TEN THOUSAND WINS!
If I had a dollar for every win I would have $10,000! That’s a lot of money!

4. Michelle Vie
Nothing against her personally or even against her playing golf. Actually I would love for her to beat all these stupid old guy golfers because then they’d have been beaten by a--hold on…let’s do a little test.

Look at this picture and tell me how old she looks. Notice the height, the face, how she looks compared to everyone else.

I’d say about 19,20 maybe 21 something like that because she looks like if she would flex those arm she would have some serious pythons!

SHE’S 15!!!!! As in 1989 or 1990 she was born. That’s brain scrambling material right there.

Not only that but--and I say this taking three steps back--she’s a nice looking little girl----BLAHWAHAHWEAHAHA *wipes off barf from lips* gigi-sombleh-ble,ble-BLAHAAHPBLAHBLAHBLAHWEIGH BLAHA….

Ok I’ll end it on this note.

Imagine your favorite adult contemporary band playing at a hippy fest. That’s what I’ll talk about tomorrow, WITH PICTURES!!!.

1 comment:

Eric Wormann said...

I'm slowly learning that ESPN is to Sports as MTV is to Music.