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Friday, July 22, 2005

Watch, 'The Day After Tomorrow' With Me.

Is it getting better?
Or do you feel the same?
Will it make it easier on you now?
You got someone to blame


It has to be the worst movie ever. It has to be!

I came home from work and I noticed it was available for HBO on demand and I had to watch a little bit for my own amusement and to see if I was just in a weird mood when I first seen it.

Hey, I could’ve missed something.

So I’m going to attempt to dissect this movie chronologically, crap-by-crap and point out all the scenes that make no sense and lack any sort of thought.

If you have Comcast cable with HBO on demand, lets watch it together.

First off for the characters, go here for who plays what.

0:03 it’s the middle of freaking Antarctica and these guys have their full face exposed while working outside. Yeah fuckin right!

0:04 Why the fuck does he care about his samples if they’re lying down nicely on top of a huge ice shelf? Get a copter and grab that crap later.

0:06 Get away from that ever expanding huge crack! Are those scientists that fucking stupid?

0:07 this vice president has no clue. Who would nominate this guy? He doesn’t even listen and he didn’t even hear about the huge ice shelf that broke off? WTF?

0:08 It’s snowing in New Dehli, wouldn’t that be a clue that the weather is fucked up?

0:12 Quaid has been in Antarctica for (I assume more than a weekend) and he just receives a couple letters for mail.

0:14 When Quaid is driving his kid home from school, that car isn’t even moving! Quaid’s not even driving because he doesn’t even look at the road!

0:15 Why does Quaid yell ‘Sam’ after he shuts the door?

0:19 so 3 buoys in different areas show a temperature drop and the numerous other buoys don’t show any change in temp? Not even one fucking degree?

0:20 What the hell kind of wolves does the NYC zoo keep that they can break thick wire fencing?

0:24 I love how no one from the Meteorological society is reporting shit. You’d think that a weatherman may get a little interested in some of the shit that has already begun to happen.

0:25 Stations don’t just send out tornado warnings, it’s the fucking National weather service!

0:27 Why in the world would a helicopter go flying around 4 twisters in Los Angeles for?

0:28 All these people in LA are fucking stupid for watching these tornados that are less than a mile away.

0:29 Ok why do these tornados strike LA to begin with? It’s never explained except for the whole “the weather’s fucked up’ reason

0:30 APPARENTLY NOAA DOES NOT HAVE ACCESS TO SATALLITE IMAGING!!!! GOOD LORD!!!!!

0:35 These scientists are calling Quaid obsessive when he’s been working 24 hours trying to tackle the question ‘why the world is falling to shit‘. That’s not obsessive, that’s global interest.

0:37 I like how the VP comes out of a doorway without any sort of a entourage.

0:39 Where the fuck are those copters in Britain heading towards? Why are they even about? They have no visibility!

0:41 Apparently if it’s so cold to freeze a fuel line instantly and the human hand can easily touch metal without the skin sticking or numbing or anything.

0:42 when referring to the huge cold system over Scotland,
“That looks just like a hurricane!
“yes, only hurricanes don’t form over land”

Wow, these scientists are smart!

0:43 When it starts flooding in NYC then there are other problems to worry about besides cabs and shit.

0:45 Officials check back at the zoo when they find that the wolves escaped. The giant bear is still there though.

0:47 These stupid business guys expects to ride the bus when there is four feet of water flooding NYC??? Is he, everyone that stupid?

0:47 The cop trying to understand the French people stuck in the car: I’m sure they want to get out. I don’t know.

0:48 despite all the flooding, it seems that people just realize to get higher once the huge fucking title wave happens.

0:49 All that title wave of water hitting NYC=many buildings being destroyed and water doesn’t move that damn slow!

0:50 Sam sees the huge title wave of water 2 blocks down and he still has time to run 60 feet to save Laura, grab her, and run back inside the library.

0:53 The projections of the storm that Quaid gives shows that the world is fucked! So why the hell does he care about anything? Start screwing around and light off some fireworks or something.

0:54 Laura is just a huge slut, she doesn’t know who she likes

0:56 SAM WANTS TO USE A PAY PHONE???!!!! Despite NYC being flooded with 20 feet of water?

0:56 THE PHONE WORKS?

0:58 finding the phone in the water and getting hypothermia was a stupid fucking idea when everyone is using cell phones elsewhere. Oh but these kid geniuses would know that right?

:59 Quaid has walked to NY from Philadelphia before? What?

1:00 Laura claims she paid attention in health class but she fails to cover Sam’s wet head where 75% of your body heat is lost. This movie would make more sense if Laura and Sam were retarded.

1:02 A ship finds it’s way wandering around INSIDE NYC? AROUND THOSE BUILDINGS? I MEAN REALLY!

1:03 The VP: “What do you suggest we do to stop this ice age?”
Quaid: “Move South” BWAHAHAHAHAHAH these people are geniuses!
And the reply to ‘move south’: “That is not funny!”

1:06 So now that the President knows that Washington D.C. is screwed, so he’s just going to hang around for awhile I guess.

1:09 Why the fuck does the cop in the library care so much about what anyone is doing? The world is fucked!

1:09 There’s people walking around outside the library in NYC(on THE ICE) and that motivates the others inside the library to get out of the library and go….somewhere.

Let’s expand more on the ice in NYC
-This means that it’s so cold that an entire ocean can freeze in about an hour and people are outside walking around
-All the buildings in NYC would probably buckle with all ice
-the library (and all the other buildings) are surrounded by windows that probably can’t insulate that much cold weather.

Basically if it’s that cold to freeze an ocean-it’s TOO FUCKING COLD FOR LIFE!!!!!!

1:10 Why does Sam care so much about the people that are leaving the library? It’s survival of the fittest at this point. He should be saying “GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE OR I’LL CUT YOU!”

1:14 Sam (the fucking genius) figures he’s going to burn books instead of the numerous wooden chairs, wooden bookshelves, and wooden tables in order to keep warm. Books should be the last items to burn!

1:15 on: SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST, WHO CARES ABOUT ANYTHING AT THIS POINT! Apparently everyone else cares about everyone else though.

1:18 Quaid is going to walk from Philly to NY in the biggest blizzard known to man. That’s about 40 miles!

1:21 Quaid just stuck an ice pick on an actual sheet of glass that is not only cold, but holding three people‘s weight…And IT DOESN’T BREAK!!!!

1:23 So now without their sled of supplies they somehow still have a tent to sleep in. And inside this tent (lined with nylon) it’s warm enough to take off any winter coats.

1:28 With the snow piling up and the city evacuated, THE PRESIDENT IS THE LAST PERSON TO LEAVE DC!!!???????? YOU CAN’T BE SERIOUS!!!! THAT’S THE STUPIDEST FUCKING SHIT EVER!!!!

1:30 HAHAHAHAH Laura is sick and she doesn’t tell everyone about her gaping wound on her leg!? Sounds like she slept through health class!

1:33 So the guys board the ship looking for penicillin to help Laura when the fake wolves happen to be looking for food(?). One of the guys has the bright idea of finding food since they are on the ship. Sam responds with, “We don’t have time” . What the fuck do you mean you don’t have time?

1:36 Those wolves would’ve probably killed each other if they’re all that crazy.

1:37 again, Sam is touching metal with his bare hands and nothing. Haha.

1:39 The severe cold weather is now breaking window on the Empire State Building. When this happens, it’s so cold that you’re dead! It’s also so cold that the director of this film actually had two brain cells rubbing against each other.

1:40 I love how everyone is running away from ice as if it makes any difference. I also love how shutting the door stops the room in the library from being fucked.

1:43 So Quaid is on this trek to find his son (Sam) and then what? He lives happily ever after?

1:44 Again, they’re in the fucking tent with half of the crap they have on outside the tent. This is ridiculous!

1:48: Quaid’s assistant DOES NOT KNOW how to read a GPS because the stinkin screen that is showing when he makes his assessment shows what and how many satellites are working, not where they are.

1:50 Why the hell is everyone so happy that Sam found his father? All their own family is dead! They should be jealous!

1:51 I like how the new President is just sticking his thumb up his ass while the US is done for.

Speaking of which, the US doesn’t exist anymore because it’s all iced up. There is no military, government, or any citizens left. AT THIS POINT WE ARE MEXICO’S BITCH! WHO EXACTLY IS THE PRESIDENT ADDRESSING WHEN HE’S ON THE WEATHER CHANNEL? WHERE IS THE WEATHER CHANNEL BASING THEIR BROADCAST FROM? WHY IS MEXICO’S WEATHER TYPICAL MEXICAN WEATHER?

This whole movie is complete shit! Nothing makes any sense

Final recap: A kid couldn’t develop this movie because a kid isn’t this dumb. The director fails to empathize with the times. This movie is garbage.

2 comments:

Hannes said...

Young Padawan, much anger you have.

Boof said...

It's just SOOO stupid though!

Why would a movie like this garner so much hype?

How could someone take and interesting idea (global warming) and add a bunch of completely nonsensical shit and call it a movie?

The science is remedial, but they even get that crap wrong!

I'll say this, this movie is worse than Armegeddon AND deep impact combined! At least with those movies there's a small glimmer of thought.

Everyone praise DAT for it's special effects. Who cares if the movie sucks?! If special effects does it for anyone go out on the street and listen to Pink Floyd on the headphones while lighting some firecrackers!

With this movie they pretty much wasted $125 million and two hours of everyone's lives because all they care about is outlandish crap.

Ok... If i continue blogger will cut me off at some point. Plus, I gotta give this a rest. I could write a novel about what a piece of shit this movie is.

BAH!