Search This Blog

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Alone...? bwahahaha

November skies,
heart is sinking.
No telling where they’re leading
these grey November skies.

I actually think my teachers skipped or didn’t have time to teach me and my class about units of measurement. Thank god for the internet because if it wasn’t for the internet superhighway I’d have to buy a measuring glass or worse, call my mom.


Crap List

1. Phone calls from my parents
When the cell rings I see my parents number on my phone I try not to answer it because they have rarely ever called me with important or exciting information.

Me: Hello?
Mom: Tommmmeeeeeee?
Me rolling eyes and looking around making sure no one is watching: Hi Mom
Mom: Tommy, we have something for you.
Me: *sigh* Yeah? And what’s that?
Mom: Well first, do you know what happened to the channel changer for the living room?
Me: arrgh, Mom I don’t live at home anymore and I’m working. Please tell me what I got?
Mom: You sure you didn’t take it with you last time you were here?
Me: NO, WHY WOULD I TAKE THE CHANNEL CHANG-*clears throat* I don’t have it! Tell me what I got!
Mom: Well okaaaay, it says ‘5.4% APR-

BAAAAAAH!!! You’d think that they would be able to determine junk mail from anything else. That or just set it down and put it in a box titled “Tom’s stuff” and let it be for a couple days.

Emails are worse because I have already received three emails with the body being ‘Tommy, did you get this?’

No one's ever called me 'Tommy' since I moved out either. I'm not a 'Tommy' either.

2. This next conversation.
Someone who I haven’t seen in a long time: So who are you living with? Do you have any roommates?
Me: Nope, just me in my apartment.
Someone: Alone huh? Hehe well how’s that working for you?

Just fine thank you and might I add, go to hell.

Actually next time someone reacts like that I’ll respond with,
“Oh it’s sooooooo lonely all the time. I have nooooo one to talk to and I beg people to come out and talk to me all the tiiiiiiime. OH it’s soooooooooo horrible!”

When they respond to me living alone they make it sound so bad as if I live in an old deserted cabin out in Wisconsin where I get drunk and shoot things in my backyard.

I LOVE *LOVE* living alone. I love coming home and things are just where I left them.
I love coming home and the place doesn’t smell like smoke.
I love coming home and not having that moment of truth before you open the front door and think,
‘God I hope my roommate’s not here.’ and…there he is laying on the couch and his fat ass is watching Law and Order. Not to mention that I don't need roommates to constantly point and laugh at the fact that I eat and enjoy gas station sandwiches.

I actually can’t understand how people could be so gregarious (gregarious, a word I use quite often) and panic the moment they’re alone. I know a bunch of people that whine and cry after an hour of being alone!

Not me. If I have the money to afford a decent one bedroom apartment, I’m going to gladly pay for that luxury because I am a man. A man who built the Eiffel Tower of metal and brawn.

3. Preseason football
Biggest fraud ever. The referees are training, the coaches are in training, the players are training, and even the cheerleaders are practicing their routines. The fans, however, pay full price for one quarter of their team’s starters to try a little and then bench themselves.

What’s worse is that every year I get caught up it. I haven’t seen the Vikings since January and I always feel compelled to watch or listen to the first quarter and believe that I am watching true Vikings football. Preseason football is complete crap and it should die or sell tickets at half off.


Aliecat said...

I loooove living alone one around to steal my beer.

h said...

points and laughs at you eating gas station sandwiches...
i knew that post was meant for me.

Boof said...

Deli Express = Heaven