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Friday, August 26, 2005

A Dilemma

I was drowned, I was washed up and left for dead.
I fell down to my feet and I saw they bled.
I frowned at the crumbs of a crust of bread.

The topic of Andy Milonakis is completely blowing my mind with constant debate.

I can’t find any clear, rational opinions toward this person because for every good point there is a “…but” that counters those good points. For every bad point there is also a “…but”.

And Milonakis’ show on MTV (sorry, I do still flip to MTV once in awhile) is the new flavor of the month, the new “fresh” show that the Tom Green Show once was, the shocking show that “Jackass” was once. It’s the Andy Milonakis show featuring him, little Andy Milonakis.

It’s inevitable that this show will be nothing in two years, but I have to admit that it’s a bit funny. It’s funny because I perceive this preadolescent boy walking the streets of New York bugging people in a shockingly sweet, childlike fun kinda way. When he asks a local stranger,
“Mr! Mr, can I have your autograph?” I get a little smirk because of how bold and unpredictable this “kid” is.

He’s not a kid. In fact he’s older than I am and he’s almost 30.


Reason being is that he is a victim of a growth hormone dysfunction that has obviously reduced his growth pattern.


So, in my opinion, his shtick is to play the ‘smart aleky’ kid in New York City when he’s actually approaching 30 due to a disability.
And now I’m walking a thin, thin line.

Disability aside (Ok, I just fell off the line) I think that blows a little credibility away. If it was a normal 29 year old the skits would look a little annoying and pathetic but because it looks like a kid the skits work.

Then again, how the fucks sake can I honestly criticize someone gaining money and popularity with such a disability. Especially when one of my good friends is disabled.


I think this stems from my belief that people with disabilities, diseases, and other misfortunes have access to a world of jokes that us fortunate people cannot have. That’s right, jealousy.

Take the drummer for Def Leppard, Rick Allen. He’s got to be one of the funniest musicians ever. He constantly makes running jokes about his lack of a left arm and it even goes further with the domestic abuse with his (former?) wife. (Tangent: I mean really, the guy beat her up with one arm!? She’s got to be either A. really slow or B. a huge wuss. Like couldn’t she use BOTH her hands and arms to hold his ONE arm? *fell off the thin line and still falling*). Possible examples of Allen‘s one-liners,

“You’d think I’d get a little respect from my colleagues being a one-armed drummer and all.” and
“I offered them my help but what the fuck do I know--I’m just a one-armed drummer.”

This is one I would use,
“I remember one time I was so hungry for a doughnut that I would give my left arm, and I did”

I remember when I strained my lower abdomen playing football. The pain was excruciating and I struggled with pain as I hobbled through my buddies kitchen spewing out jokes,

“I guess now I can now legally park I the handicapped spots now”
“Maybe I can get some money from Ronald McDonald for this.”

Now that my abdomen is better and I am completely healthy, I really have to search and thus, be creative, if I was to break out a joke.

As for Andy Milonakis, I’m going to try to ignore him so I don’t go to hell.
That is, if I was Catholic anyway.

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