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Monday, October 03, 2005

A Muppet Playing Guitar?

Until she herself
Became the deadliest poison
As she grew older
Until she herself
Became just as fatal
As her garden

You may note the drastic changes here. First I would like to point out the background, it’s not dark blue. Instead it’s black which accentuates the tan and other colors. Then I changed the color of the title pad to a heavenly dark green (which looks nothing like the Packer‘s green). HTML’s colors are determined by a specific three digit number and after 3 hours of boredom trying numbers 1-389, I felt that this dark green was worthy. Then the “my profile” pad is now a completely bad-ass blue color. After I found my dark green I spent another hour with numbers 389-500 and when I hit this blue color I thought, “whoa” and left it there. It’s now at the 13 month mark that this blog doesn’t have that cookie-cutter template image that blogger provides and is now more customized to me.

Note to self: Hmmm perhaps I should try reading books or sending out the resume instead of typing three digit numbers into a code that I have no clue about.

Very drastic changes, I know, but nothing else should change unless I really fuck up the HTML, which is surprising since I now have a scar on my cranium from scratching my head due to so much accidental erasing and pasting.

Oh well

Crap List

1. Minnesota Football

Opponents 74 Minnesota 24


I’m talking about the Golden Gophers and Vikings. Both these teams came into their road games with a tidal wave of excitement and anticipation for a season full of hopeful success. Instead they both laid two big eggs.


Gophers: Coming off of a nice win against #11 ranked Purdue last week it seemed like this would be an exciting year of football in another down year for Big Ten football. I suppose when you have a crappy quarterback, no run defense, and an arrogant prick like Glen Mason coaching your team that one shouldn’t fall for this team year after year. EVERY GOD DAMN YEAR when we play the first competitive Big Ten team we fall on our ass and give that stupid fucking excuse (which I’ll get to later) about why we lost and the coach will never *NEVER* take credit for a loss.


Vikings: I suppose the Vikings didn’t really come into the game with a ton of expectations knowing that Tice is an idiot and that our defense was somewhat banged up, but they pretty much go shut out again. Yeah they scored ten points, but garbage time is not worth any points. They also had a bit of an excuse too, but there’s no excuse to field an offensive line up that has given up 16 sacks in two games. 16 sacks to Daunte Culpepper who has had linemen bounce off of him on more than one occasion.

2. The excuses
If the Vikings would have won, it would’ve been due to the superb play by the defense and probably the running game. If they were to lose-and they did-it would be due to the banged up defense. It was already etched in stone, and never mind the 11 penalties and our lack of decent linebackers, our defense was just too banged up.

Then the famous excuse for the gophers after every major loss is: 1. “Well how can they possibly compete without an open air, on campus stadium? [2.]How can one possibly recruit decent players when it‘s the Metrodome that they play at?” Which is somewhat true, but it’s not like they’re going to have such a stadium magically appear next week or next year. Then the recruiting excuse is even more vomit worthy because it give Glen Mason an excuse every year for not being able to recruit top 40 talent to a university that excels in a number of departments. I loved this excuse by Sid Hartman, who cleans every owners dick here in the Twin Cities: “(paraphrasing)The Gophers would be more successful if they had better advertising.” Sid, you’re 87 years old and you don’t know shit.
I swear, I should’ve sucker punched Mason when I had the chance.

3. The Australian Pink Floyd
A cover band charging $40 a ticket? What?
I know they do a great job and they sell out their shows, but they’re still a cover band. They’re no different than some prodigy that walks into Guitar Center and blows up the solo to Comfortably Numb on the newest Stat.
If the cover band is charging this much… How much would the REAL band charge if they were to ever tour again? $150? $200?
Good god dam lord!

I’m going to try and start remembering my dreams a little for my own personal benefit. Here’s what I dreamt about last Saturday night…

[Saturday nights dream]: I was sitting front row at a Van Halen (Hagar circa 1992) when they all came out on the stage ready to play some music. They all grabbed their instruments except Eddie Van Halen and his brother Alex who refused based on some little spat. I then climbed onstage (without any problem) and grabbed the guitar and did my best to fill in as the song starts. I forget which song it was, but I remember the song starting with 18,000 screaming fans. As the song progressed, the music was playing which exposed the band as a total syncing job and I was trying my hardest to perform the two-handed tapping, but it was no better than a Muppet playing guitar. At the end of the song the whole band was looking at me, totally concentrated on the guitar that everyone bailed on the song a long time ago. I look at the crowd and they’re all gone due to the bullshit lip syncing bit. The rest of the band started bitching and left the stage from the back and then I woke up

Tomorrow I talk baseball.

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