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Monday, November 21, 2005

Crap Yeah!

In my paisley shirt,
I look a jerk,
and my turquoise wasitcoat is quite outta sight.
But oh, oh, my haircut looks so bad....
Vegetable man! Where are you?

Ladies and gentlemen,
Scott Stapp’s newest album cover,

That’s just too god damn funny.

Crap List

1. Work Related
I work with this person who is in charge of approving items. This person is not my boss nor is he anyone of authority, but they like to think they are. To protect this persons identity, I’ll call this person Fuckface. Fuckface has no clue about anything. When needing an answer on something, he’ll never get back you. I’ll have people wanting this certain product on one end and I have to tell them to wait, so it is a lose-lose situation because we all know the shit runs downhill.

Whenever I have to deal with this person almost all of Fuckface’s ideas have been completely, fucking stupid. My role is in charge of directing the labor so I will naturally throw in my two cents. So I’ll add,
“Ah you know, that is nonsense. It just doesn’t work like that.” and Fuckface will disregard me because I don’t have the type of training that they have. So when reality comes true and it “just doesn’t work out” Fuckface will send me a nasty email which says something like,
“Why would something like that happen?” and CC it to all the top guns.

Now my initial response is to hit “reply” and type,




But you really cannot get away with that in an office setting. So I reply and give him the answer along with the previous emails of me warning him of such actions and Fuckface will deny everything.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a really nice guy at work. I’ll smile and greet everyone and I understand how someone will make mistakes and have a sub par ideal, but it’s when they don’t care or bother to ask the people that install that product is what gets me.

2. “Sahara”
There’s a ton in this movie that I could yell about but one thing in particular really irks me. The antagonist developed a state of the art nuclear dumping facility and he supposedly uses solar power to heat something or other. The guy build a pretty smart creation except that the nuclear waste is contaminating the groundwater and will lead to world destruction (or so the movie leads you to believe). When pointed out about the pollution he’s creating he responds with,

“Uh, no it’s not.”

HE LITERALLY SAID THAT!!!!! No corruption, no dignity, or no lust over anything. He’s just flat-out stupid.

That is part of the reason why no one goes to movies anymore. It’s because they’re written by a bunch of stupid Fuck faces!!!!

3. “We want Stephon Marbury!”
This is being said by way too many Minnesota sports fans lately. Now I haven’t followed the NBA in a couple years because it’s barely even a sport, but what I do know is that no one should ever want Marbury on their team. Especially not Minnesotans.

The guy is the biggest loser in all of sports. Every team this man has played on has went from good to bad just as he steps foot in the locker room. He tried so hard to play in New York and he’s fucking that whole situation up because he only cares about his own stats.

I remember when the Timberwolves actually had a great thing with Marbury, Garnett, and Gugliotta and how the team was soooooooo young. Then Stephon demands a trade because “it’s too cold here.” (yeah like New York is a big damn sauna) and how the city is not big enough for him AND Garnett. And how he forced the Wolves to trade him out-right for Terrell Brandon…ugh*.

*I believe it was a Marbury-for-Cassell-for-Brandon deal. What a trifecta trade from hell that was!

1 comment:

BiggPappa said...

That picture is classic; I hope that your photographer gets a Pulitzer Prize or something for his or her work. Absolutely fantastic. And I can't wait to hear your Creed Cover Band -- I heard a rumor that you're opening at First Ave's 7th St Entry for Pearl Jam at a secret show in a few weeks, is there any truth to this rumor?