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Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Mmmm Furburgers

Heaven holds a sense of wonder
And I wanted to believe
that I'd get caught up
when the rage in me subsides

October 23, around 2am

A mostly sober Raymond Jennings, half drunken Hog, and a completely drunken Boof head into White Castle to trim the edge off of the snuff we had at the German bar.

Hog: Dude, I’m gonna get me some burgers
Boof: Fuck yeah man. I’M GONNA GEMME SOME FFFFFUCKIN CHEEESEBURGERS MAN!!!!

Raymond then steps up to the counter where, instead of the typical pissed off teenager or tired middle aged student, there was a little, gray haired sweet old lady. Boof stands right next to Raymond to hear what he’s going to order

Lady: Can I help you?

Boof: OOOH, OOOOH CHEESEBURGERS! GET CHEESEBURGERS!!

Raymond: Get your own. I’ll take a crave case of hamburgers.

[I must interject the ‘Harold and Kumar’ line: “yeah I’m craving burgers too, Furburgers”. I was too drunk to whip out such and ingenious line at the time]


Boof looking to Hog: CHEESEBURGERS!!! LET’S GET SOME CHEESEBURGERS!!!!


Lady apprehensively: Can I help you?

Boof: DAMMIT MANNN! GET SOME CHEESEBURGERS!!! THEY’RE SO FFFFFFUCKING GOOD!!!

Hog: I’ll take a sack of ten…

Lady: Would you like those with cheese?

At that moment Hog, Boof, and the sweet old lady all looked at each other, studying each other’s expressions. Time stood still for five seconds.

Hog: No thanks--
Boof: FAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCK!!!!!!!!

The old lady seemed exceptionally frightened by the man demanding cheeseburgers. Soon enough the Boofbeast was gone
*****

One of the worst things about the days after being drunk is the slow process of remembering everything that happened on that night. For instance I was driving home from work when I remembered shouting out,
“SHOCKER!!!!” about twenty times for-who knows why. Then there was that sweet old lady, I completely forgot all about her until last weekend.

Friday night after work I was sitting at home watching HBO when the ole stomach was growling. I didn’t have any *ANY* food in my apartment and I obviously needed to drive out to eat something.

That’s when I had the urge.

I’ve been mending a scab that had finally just turned into an ugly looking scar from my White Castle conquest during the Superbowl halftime show when I ate 24.5 white castles in less than twenty minutes. I had never had any since (except when I was drunk but that doesn’t count).
I figured it was time.

So I went at 2:30am where the typical after-bar crowd was sitting and I walked over to the counter where I instantly recognized the sweet old woman and she seemingly noticed me.

Awkwardness alert!

I was really hungry so I figured, ‘fuck it’ and ordered. I’m sure she was expecting a bobbing head with helpless cartoon “X’s” over my eyes and yelling. I knew this so I tried to be as polite as I could.

Lady: Can I help you?
Boof: yeah ah, I’d like a sack of ten
Lady: Cheeseburgers right?
Boof nervously looking around: Bingo.

1 comment:

Hog said...

Are you kidding me, she actually remembered that night?
Now I feel bad, we probably scarred that little old lady for life.