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Sunday, November 06, 2005

The Thing About that TGI Fridays Commercial

gave her love away
put it in my pocket when it should've been framed
oh, it lost its shine
gotta get this out of my head
out of my brain
how could it end,
end like this?

Great moments in blackjack history

After throwing down twenty dollars at the five dollar blackjack table (and losing all four chips in six hands) Boof, the conservative gambler, decides to spend more money and thus, risking losing precious Doritos money.

With only two-five dollar chips left on the table a pair of 8’s were dropped and the dealer showing a “6”. One always splits aces and 8’s and I did. First card laid down after splitting was another 8, so with my last chip I split another set of 8’s. I was expecting to leave the casino broken down and mentally beaten by “the system”. Luckily the dealer busted (as anticipated) and not only was I back in the game, but I was up ten bucks too!

Next hand: black jack

Next hand: same. Exact. Scenerio as above (right down to the cards). Same result

Next hand: dealer black jack (god dammit)

Next hand: black jack

Next hand: Again, splitting two 8’s and the third coming right away. This time I won two of the three hands.

It happens that fast and within an hour this conservative gambler left after winning $40.

Well, it was WAY more dramatic to me anyways.

Crap List

1. People who talk cards
It must be impossible because there is no way to convey the drama or the sweating that is involved with a gambler with a tight ass. Like anyone really cares about how I split 8’s three times in a row (unless you were really on the edge of your seat and screamed, “OH MY GOD, THE DEALER BUSTED! BOOF IS STILL ALIVE!!!!” because that’s what I was thinking). It was actually a thing of magic because supposedly the table was not having any luck. That is, until I arrived.
Like a damn blackjack champion, I hit on everything that needed hitting, I stayed whenever the time called, I also didn’t kill myself by staying one hand too long just to fill my urge to grab another five bucks.

No, I came, I won, I left. It’s the perfect blackjack scheme. Get it, win, and get out.

2. That TGI Fridays commercial
I’m talking about the one where the guy is at the bar and then finds out his wife is there too. Then they both find out the grandmother is there with the kids. I find this completely fucked up because it’s not like they are exactly glad to see each other. Let me describe what I’m talking about.

Father: A man who screwed up in life. He found the job at the refinery at 17, dropped out of high school, and knocked up Peggy Sue in the local Burger King dumpster. Now ten years later, he’s still stuck with Peggy and with their two kids. He works long, 70 hour weeks only to come home to Peggy who screams and nags at him for working so long. Little does she know that 70 hours a week doesn’t even cover all their bills. Despite that, she doesn’t even provide him any meals when he comes come after a long day at the refinery.
His kids have already stopped respecting him and have grown toward his mother in law. Family life sucks.
Peggy Sue: She doesn’t make her husband any food because he hits her. Not in the typical bitch slap across the face but with a fly-swatter for at least twenty minutes. That’s just gross knowing all the flies and other bugs that have been killed with such an instrument. She tries to take care of the kids as much as she can, but with all the child abuse laws enforced, there’s nothing she can do.

The father needs to go to the local bar, TGI Fridays (yeah, I know that’s pretty weak) just to get away from his shithole in life.

The mother needs some time out with her girl friends just so she doesn’t go insane/

And the mother in law is just plain clueless. The kids were the ones that decided (and drove) to TGI Fridays.

The father then sees the mother laughing with her girlfriends. Their eyes meet and shock instantly jolts their heart because now they are together again and in public. The father comes over to awkwardly greet his wife (who he beats up with a fly-swatter) and they then find out that their kids are present with the in law.

The dysfunctional family is now in public and mommy and daddy are now drunk with nothing to hold them back.

This is not a TGI Fridays commercial, this is a fucked up family in a small Wisconsin town…with a TGI Fridays.

3. Those Tostitos commercials
The one where four people are gathered around a bag of chips and the one guys spends 2 minutes describing the chip. Then the woman says,
“Can we finally eat them? Hahaha”

What kind of a scenario is that where people are sitting at a table with a bag of chips? And why does he have to stop talking in order for the others to dig in?

That commercial makes no sense at all.

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