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Thursday, December 08, 2005

Quick as Luis Castillo, Bits

but for seven years
you were loved
I laid golden orchid crowns around your feet


-I swear if I was to ever see the overstock.com woman (also in that bullshit Lexus commercial), I would probably shit every major organ. If she wasn’t hot enough in the overstock commercials, she’s almost more beautiful in the Lexus commercial. She’s so hot that I look at her fake husband in that Lexus commercial and I automatically want to break his fucking face for: A) having a wife that would buy him a Lexus (I’m gonna call ‘bullshit’ on that alone) and B) landing a woman that looks like that.

I can only imagine her being a college student and walking into a bar wearing something that guys would notice. Within two seconds about 3 guys would be humping her leg, 7 more moving toward her area, half the males at the bar looking at her cleavage, and the other half looking at her ass, and all the women hating her so much that they give a collective scowl.

Only the overstock.com woman can turn a bar upside down. In my imagination anyways.

-Is there really any point to college football rankings at this point of the season? Especially for 1st and 2nd place?
Mack Brown, head coach of Texas, recently voted USC as the number one team and that was front page news for ESPN (the national sports whore).

If I was Mack Brown I would probably do the same thing just to hide any notions that I was a pompous asshole because what harm would it do? The BCS has already been established.

-I’m gonna buy a vacuum cleaner just so I don’t have to go home and steal my parent's. It’s rather amazing because I walk in all happy to see everyone and then no more than ten minutes later I’ll storm out of the house wanting to never come back even though I have successfully stolen their vacuum cleaner.

-speaking of home, my parents were talking to me about why their computer acts all stupid.

“Well it is almost ten years old and you do use dial up which is painfully slow”

And everything I tried telling them --and it wasn’t a bunch of jargon…actually to them it probably was-- they would give me this blank stare and say something like,
“I’m not going to pay another $3000 for computer!” which is funny but I was in the same position about a year ago when I found out that a typical computer comes with 40 gigs (and not 4), so I’ll give them the benefit. I told them about wireless and the light bulb flicked on above my dad’s head,
“following NASCAR on tv and with the internet…hmmm”.

When he does that shit, he always usually follows through as do I.


-My Ipod actually has more space than my old computer! My Ipod holds 4 gigs.

-David Gilmour is coming out with a new album. His first in 22 years as a matter of fact.
GOOD. GOD.

And….

He’s touring

Judging by his age and the fact that he’s only going to be touring the states for about 30-40 days, he’s not coming to the Twin Cities. He will, however, hit Chicago and Chicago is the Mecca of pizza (in my view anyways). Therefore, I’m almost subconsciously planning a road trip to Chicago.
I also estimate he’ll play some super small theatre and tickets will be at least $100...

I DON’T CARE! DAVID GILMOUR IN CONCERT IS WORTH IT! It’s the pizza, however, that’s really pulling the trigger for me.

-What the hell happened to 4-cheese Doritos? Amongst the huge Doritos area at the grocery store they have tons of the regular, a bunch of the ranch, “spicier nacho”, taco Doritos (?), and not even a trace of the four cheese stuff.
Somewhere in some huge warehouse sits pallet and pallets of 4-cheese Doritos and white cheddar cheese nips. This is my ‘fountain of youth’ and I will find it.
Oh yes, I will.

3 comments:

BiggPappa said...

Well, when one of the four varieties of cheese was "Olestra," that was kind of the nail in the coffin for four-cheese doritos. The shame.

Boof said...

anal leakage at it's best!

Eric Wormann said...

The overstock picture isn't working. Just a tripod logo. FIND ANOTHER ONE IMMEDIATELY.