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Friday, September 30, 2005

Cheesy picks

Don't need a helmet, got a hard hard head.
Don't need a raincoat, I'm already wet.
Don't need a bandage, there's too much blood.
After a while seems to roll right off.

Yeah pretty cheesy I know but what the hell…

1.What is your full name? Ahhh…. My middle name is Reed
2. What color pants are you wearing? I got some old washed out jeans on. Time to buy some more.
3. What are you listening to right now? Fleetwood Mac
4. What was the last thing you ate? Chef Boyardee Lasagna
5. Do you wish on stars? Ahhhh… sure, why not?
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Sky blue
7. How is the weather right now? Pretty calm and cool
8. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Scott
9. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Well-putting me on the spot here-yeah sure. haha
10. How old are you today? 25
11. Favorite drink? Straight whiskey or Coke
12. Favorite sport? I love baseball but I lust for football
13. Hair color? Ahhh you mean on my eyebrows and ass? Dark brown
14. Do you wear contacts? Hehe not after Oct 11
15. Siblings? Yeah I got a younger brother
16. Favorite month? April because it’s when the days get warmer and baseball starts
17. Favorite food? Deep dish pizza
18. What was the last movie you saw? Die Hard 2
19. Favorite day of the year? The Friday after Thanksgiving
20. What do you do to vent anger? Run, walk around a lake, blog (oh god)
21. What was your favorite toy as a child? It begins and ends with Trans-fucking-formers.
22. Summer or winter? Summer because it doesn’t look dead outside
23. Hugs or kisses? I’m not very affectionate. If someone gave me a hug I would be slightly stunned. If someone gave me a kiss I would probably explode of confusion.
24. Chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate… I guess
25. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? They can do whatever the fuck they want.
26. Who is most likely to respond? ????
27. Who is least likely to respond? Some guy who reads this blog from Wyoming.
28. When was the last time you cried? When the Twins were nearly no-hit a couple days ago at home by a pitcher who had an ERA of 7.40 who plays for the Royals. That was horrible. Honestly though, it was probably when my Grandpa passed.
29. What is under your bed? Instructions on how to make my bed.
30. Who is the friend you have had the longest? Mike since first grade.
31. What did you do last night? Watched Die Hard 2 and ate some Doritos.
32. Plain, buttered or salted popcorn? Plain and slightly salted
33. Favorite car? Anything shiny and has good gas mileage
34. Favorite flower? Ahhh (BONK) I like-I don’t know- tulips?
35. Number of keys house and cars? 5
36. Favorite day of the week? Friday because the weekend is right there
38. How many states have you lived in? 2
39. How many cities have you lived in? 5 St. Paul, Minneapolis, Rapid City, Marshall, Roseville

Anyways… I totally rocked at picks last week by going 11-3. Ha, these other bloggers are SO out of their element. I mean pffff bwahahahahhaha

Picks

Houston @ Cincinnati
It’s hard not to get a huge hard-on for the Bengals. They have a damn good defense, great offense with two excellent receivers. Cincinnati is going to tear it up this year.
Bengals 31 Texans 17

Indianapolis @ Tennessee
You have to think that one of these days Manning is going to ‘get it back’ and go ape shit on some poor team. He may do it this game.
Colts 24 Titans 16

Seattle @ Washington
I hate playing my two Redskin players because that’s probably the biggest reason why I suck this year at fantasy football. That and my two Titan players. Ugh
Redskins 28 Seahawks 21

Detroit @ Tampa Bay
I don’t know man. Detroit seems to change every week. Tampa’s really good though.
Bucs 28 Lions 20

Denver @ Jacksonville
I still like Jacksonville’s defense
Jaguars 20 Broncos 13

San Diego @ New England
This is a game I REALLY, Really wanna watch but of course stupid NFL rules give the Twin Cities the damn Lions/Bucs game.
Chargers 27 Patriots 17

Buffalo @ New Orleans
Should be interesting just for the setting. I bet they show Red McCombs having a huge hard on about such a spectacle in the Alamodome.
Saints 31 Bills 24

St. Louis @ NY Giants
God, I hate Eli Manning
Giants 35 Rams 31

NY Jets @ Baltimore
I gotta go with the Ravens again
Ravens 20 Jets 10

Philadelphia @ Kansas City
Eagles are going to be mediocre for awhile without McNabb (even though he’s supposed to be playing this weekend).
Chiefs 35 Eagles 24

Dallas @ Oakland
I give it another couple weeks before Collins gets bashed by fans and Moss.
Cowboys 27 Raiders 21

San Francisco @ Arizona
It’s being played in Mexico City… wow *clap,…clap*
49ers 35 Cardinals 27

Green Bay @ Carolina
This is the Monday night game? No wonder ABC’s ratings suck. They don’t know how to schedule good games.
Panthers 24 Packers 6

Minnesota @ Atlanta

Last time these two met Vick ran all over the Vikes. Vikes have a banged up defense and no linebackers. I hate to say it but I think the Falcons will run all over the Vikes. It wont be pretty.
Falcons 34 Vikings 16

Prove me wrong guys, prove me wrong.

Check out my domination below!



Week 4
EricHannesAliecat46,XYBoof
Houston @ Cincinnati
TexansBengalsBengals
BengalsBengals
Indianapolis @ Tennessee
TitansColtsTitansColtsColts
Seattle @ Washington
Redskins
RedskinsSeahawks
Redskins
Redskins
Detroit @ Tampa Bay
BucsBucsLionsBucsBucs
Denver @ Jacksonville
DenverJaguarsBroncos
JaguarsJaguars
San Diego @ New England
PatriotsPatriotsPatriotsPatriotsChargers
Buffalo @ New Orleans
BillsBillsBills
BillsSaints
St. Louis @ NY Giants
RamsGiantsRams
RamsGiants
NY Jets @ Baltimore
RavensRavensRavens
RavensRavens
Philadelphia @ Kansas City
EaglesChiefsEagles
ChiefsChiefs
Dallas @ OaklandCowboysRaiders
Cowboys
RaidersCowboys
San Francisco @ Arizona
Cardinals49ers49ers
49ers49ers
Carolina @ Green Bay
PanthersPanthersPanthers
PanthersPanthers
Minnesota @ Atlanta
FalconsFalconsVikings
FalconsFalcons
Last Week(6-8)(9-5)(9-5)(0-14)(11-3)
Overall(21-25)(24-22)(23-23)(5-41)(24-22)

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Really quick bits

We are swimming with the snakes
At the bottom of the well
So silent and peaceful in the darkness where we fell

-I cannot begin to tell you how much of a meathead Mike Tice is. Although I can’t say he’s doing a terrible job this year (I didn’t watch the 2nd game) I can tell you he’s saying all the wrong things.
At the press conference he spoke about how all the fans who will “rip” him probably couldn’t afford the price of admission, which somewhat slights fans like myself.
Not to mention the owner (whom didn’t hire Tice) is desperately trying to get a new stadium passed and I’m sure he doesn’t want his head coach disregarding Viking fans who are not rich.

So later this week he apologizes. Cool, we all say stupid things, no problem.
Then yesterday he comes on the radio and says that some of the fans are mullet heads (which some are). Granted it’s funny, but you’re the head coach who just criticized a portion of the fans last Sunday.
Alright whatever, later he talk about how the Twin Cities media is so negative and is worse than the New York media in terms of such negativity.

(blink:blink)

The Twin cities media is more negative than the New York media.

Help me out here Eric, that’s gotta be a load of shit.

-I love those new Milwaukee’s Best Light commercials. It makes me think of all the times I should get bonked for all the non manly things that I do.

-Today I got the Patty Griffin live CD (BONK)

-The Dove bar I ate said that I should take a hot bubble bath tonight. (BONK)

-The new video game I got sucks because I’m too uncoordinated to figure it out (BONK)

-It’s so cold that my nipples are popping out (BONK)

-People are bitching about the visitor’s locker room at Iowa’s football stadium. The visitor’s locker room is painted pink with foofy little rugs and little flowers everywhere. I guess there are some professors that are offended by the idea because it “demeans women”.
God damn, people really gotta get a grip. They sell pink Daunte Culpepper jerseys for god’s sake.

-I have been caught being too selfless in the last month. Both times I have unconsciously apologized for taking up their time and after the fifth apology the other person will practically punch me in the face for apologizing so much.
Such potential punching leads me to the question, How does one practice being selfish?

-God damn Cleveland Indians, they had the Division pretty much handed to them on a silver platter and they go and fuck it up. Damn they had the chance to blow out the overrated White Sox but NOOOO.

-that’s all I got.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Oh Hells Yeah

Smoke is in the air
From your little cigarettte
You tell me to throw the fight
Go and place your little bet

Never before have I been so excited to pay so much money.

I consider myself to be very liberal spending in terms of petty cash, conservative with denominations over $70, and ultra conservative with anything over $300. Every check and every time I have given my card for something over $300 has left me with a nauseous feeling that only Wendy’s can help stop.

That nauseous ness lasts for about a week before I can finally live with myself. Hell, even in those broke times when my folks helped me out with school I still felt sick writing that $3500 check to the school.

Well, I take that back, when I bought my TV I didn’t feel that way.

Last Wednesday, hopefully, will be the last time I will ever wear contacts again. Therefore, I am giddy as my Dad in ‘The pit’ at any NASCAR race.

Just the thought takes my breath away. All those day the contacts would irritate the eyes, the days they wouldn’t go in, all that saline solution, the 2 year law, and not having to worry about losing them-gone!
Like I mentioned earlier, I would be able to go to bed and see 20/20, wake up at 4am to grab some water (still see 20/20), and wake up the next afternoon and not have to fumble for glasses.

I could spend another birthday at Gasthaus next month, drink a couple boots, and wake up in the street and NOT have to wonder where the hell my glasses went (one less thing to worry about).

I could wake up and play football in seconds.
I could sleep without having to strategically place glasses anywhere.
I could actually see better after this surgery.
I could clearly tell that my little Chinese poster is just that and not a huge centipede.

That’s incredible! It’s like going to the State fair and having a $10 voucher for Cheese curds.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

A Tinder Side of Boof

Oh let's go, let's strike a light
We're gonna blow like dynamite
I don't care if it takes all night
Gonna set this town alive, come on

I wanna burn down a really big barn.

I don’t know what brought on such a fantasy but I think it would be the coolest ever to torch the crap out of a barn with a two huge barn doors on the sides and a couple openings on top.

First, I would probably take a crappy car and run through it-Dukes of Hazard style just so I can see those boards fly off my hood and yell “YEEE HAAAWWWWWW“. Then I would make a two-bit torch and torch one side of the barn and then torch the other side to see which side wins. As the barn is on fire I would probably run through it a couple times just so I can have that adrenalin running through my veins. After all, how many times can you say that you ran multiple times through a burning barn?

I mean it doesn’t have to be about hate or politics or defiance- I just want to burn a giant tinderbox in the middle of a field while listening to some hard rock.

I’m sorry I’m not really a pyromaniac, but I think it would just be the shit to burn down such a dealy-o. Forget pallets, screw sticks and tree limbs, the hell with Christmas trees, I think a barn would do just fine.

I also think that physically burning a bridge would be fun too. For symbolic and metaphorical reasons.

For instance this conversation would be awesome,
Someone: So what did you do last night?
Boof: You know that bridge over Dum creek?
Someone: yeah?
Boof: I burned it nice and good!

Fucking A man, that would rock hard!

Monday, September 26, 2005

A Green NY Yankees Cap?

hot on your trail blood is red
get on your high horse out of here
if they catch me i am dead
get on your high horse out of here

Alright the Vikes finally won a game… and I’m still losing in fantasy football. I’ll take that every week for the rest of the NFL season. Best of all, we didn’t have to hear Curt Menifee (or whatever) and his sidekick, ass slick, pretend to know anything about football. I’d prefer to hear a couple people who think they know football instead of guys who talk about…nothing.

Crap List

1. The country’s fascination with celebrities
Really, why do people care? Every god damn station has it’s own celebrity clip show where they throw a lot of nothing at us. Why do we care about Gweneth and Coldplay’s weak singer? Who actually cares about what Vince Vaughn thinks if it’s not funny?

AND WHY THE HELL IS BRITNEY’S PREGNANT ASS ON EVERY GOD DAMN MAGAZINE!!!! I would love to walk into a gas station, watch myself enter the gas station on the security monitor just inside, grab a sandwich, and peruse the porn without having to see her fat and ugly ass drenched in makeup on every publication known to man. It would be easy enough to simply turn the magazines around or to just focus on the porno mags, but even the porno mags have a naked preggers Britney on the front.

2. A letter to my new neighbor
Dear Neighbor,
I would like to be the first to congratulate you on your new apartment. We definitely have a great place here with our balcony and clean carpet. I believe we met briefly the other week when we were both in the process of getting in and out of the apartment. I do have a couple “disagreements”, if you will, about you being my neighbor.

1. When I met you the other week, I noticed your baggy “Capri”-like pants that expose your skinny white-ass, toothpic legs and your oversized green New York Yankees cap turned 90 degrees to your right. I cannot begin to tell you how many things are wrong with that cap of yours. I mean if there was ever a cap that says “I’m a total dumbass” that is it because there are a number of things wrong with just the existance of such a cap.
Whatever though, I’m not going to split hairs here because I know I own some questionable material as well so touche.

2. I cannot begin to help myself but to think that the new ‘93 rusted Civic in our lot (yes, the one with the humongous spoiler that was obviously installed by an amateur) is owned by you. I have also noticed this whenever you arrive or leave because it sounds like a god damn boss hoss. I understand that you have limited means for money and that those limited means got you a Civic with 230,000 miles on it, but some cars should certainly not be pimped. For instance a ’93 Civic would be cool or adequate if it were, say, 1994 and not 2005.


3. I can’t also help but to notice that you enjoy music. I think that is great and I totally agree that music is the drug and is the soundtrack of our lives yadda yadda yadda. Pink Floyd rulz.

I also understand the need to “feel” the music, but when feeling your music results in my wall rattling with *boom-ba-boom-boom, ba-ba-boom* (which sounds like muffled fat guys farting) over and over for two god damn hours I think it may be a little much. When I got my stereo hooked up I turned off the bass because there’s no need for the people to the right of me, left of me, below me, or above me to hear what kind of beats my music has.
A word of advice, turn the bass knob all the way to the left and try pumping up the treble. Treble is fun! I like hearing the symbols.

I am truly sorry to come off like this, but please be considerate of your neighbors. I would like to have the typical neighbor relationship where I can come to your place and borrow a cup of sugar and you could come to mine and borrow…frozen pizza or barbeque sauce.
So there’s my thoughts, I have nothing to hide from you. I will also end this letter with a warning, if nothing else and you continue to wear that god awful, ridiculous cap, I will rip it up, burn it (if such an evil, bizarre item should burn), and beat the living shit out of you with the plastic brim for: A. thinking of purchasing such a cap, B. Actually buying such a cap, and C. wearing such a cap [editor’s note: official rant to come later] because the manufacture does not make those hats for fashion, they make green New York Yankees caps to identify all the dumb asses in the world.

Regardless, you’re pretty fly for a white guy.
Have a great day!

3. U2 and my jealousy
I really wanted to see them last Friday, but there’s no way I was going to pay the $80 or whatever it was to see them. Part of my thing with concerts is that I go to see a different aspect in the artist. I want to hear the different take to their songs and partake in the intimate setting, but I’ve been burned way too many times shelling out $50 for a concert I was lukewarm in attending.
There have been way too many concerts that I have attended because “this may be the last time they tour” bullshit they make you want to think. For instance Fleetwood Mac may have been cool in the 70’s but now, when they charge $70 per ticket and they’re old as fuck, they just seem to be a really good Fleetwood Mac cover band.
But god damn, I really want to see U2 though. I’m sure they put on a good show, but $80, on a Friday night (call off of work), at the Target Center? Target Center being the 2nd worst place to see a concert (next to *shudders* Metrodome).
I think I’ll keep my money.

Tomorrow I talk about… I have a couple ideas actually so we’ll see

Thursday, September 22, 2005

That's it?

Oh swing me way down south
Sing me something brave from your mouth
And I'll bring you pearls of water on my hips
And the love in my lips
All the love in my lips


What the FUCK happened last Sunday/Monday?

I go out camping for a weekend and come back to complete dogshit in the form of NFL box scores.

After the four of us hiked out of camp on Monday morning we stopped at the local deli to eat some breakfast. In great anticipation I open up the sports section and look for the Vikings score.

37-8 with Culpepper throwing 5 (count ‘em) 5 interceptions.

What. The. Fuck? I could live with a 10 point loss or even a low scoring affair but 37-0 (because garbage points are just that, garbage) to the Bengals?

Next I checked my fantasy team, “Frank M”
Before I talk about my fantasy team I want to throw out this stat,

Mean score last week: 62.5

So, for my own therapeutic benefit, I will go player-by-player on how my team performed last week.

QB Trent Green: I consider Green to be a top 5 QB in terms of stats. Last week he had about 230yds passing and….that’s it. Not a bad week but a little disappointing since he didn’t throw a TD, but I can live with 9 points.

RB Willis McGahee: My number 1 draft pick and my best player. Definitely a starter every week and I figure I can expect about 12 points from him on a weekly basis. He ran for a whopping 34 yards this week for 3 points. Yuck

RB Clinton Portis: Another “must start” in my league. I consider him to be a top 20 back at least and he’s had two years of 1500 yards, and last year he ran for 1,300 yards and it was a “bad” year. Portis ran for 52 yards and 20 more receiving. 7 points… bleh

Here’s where it gets fun

WR Reggie Wayne: Manning’s number two guy, which means he’s the best reciever that would ever play for the Giants. Always a “must starter”. 3 catches-19 yards. 1 stinking point

WR Chris Chambers: Very talented WR out of Miami with a new QB throwing to him. They run him on an end around once a game and I figured he would be the best option at WR. I expected him to hit at least 8 points. 3 catches-21 yards. 2 points TWO FLIPPIN POINTS!

TE Heap got me 5 points, which is decent for a TE

K Akers: not only did the Eagles NOT go for field goals, but Akers gets injured and I miss out on one precious point. 5XP for 5 god damn points.

Total points for week 2 (counting opponent’s Eagles defense): 23
Let me point out that stat above: Mean score 62.5 and I score 23. Usually one’s fantasy football score should be higher than their age especially if you’re only 25 years old in a yardage/touchdown league.

Huhuh bwahaha BWHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
Yuk

Picks

Cincinnati @ Chicago
Well the Bengals looked like Superbowl contenders against the Vikings last week, but hell, anyone who throws 5 interceptions can make the opponents look like champs. I still kinda like Cincy though.
Bengals 17 Bears 14

Atlanta @ Buffalo
Buffalo will end the year 8-8 by winning every other week. This is their week to win.
Bills 23 Falcons 20

Cleveland @ Indianapolis
Paging Reggie Wayne: You better start scoring points or I’ll seriously fuck you up…somehow.
Colts 31 Browns 14

Tampa Bay @ Green Bay
Packers suck ass.
Bucs 34 Packers 12

Jacksonville @ NY Jets
Woah, the Jaguars allowed only 10 points to the colts. Holy God damn!
Jaguars 27 Jets 6

Oakland @ Philadelphia
The hype-bowl. There will probably always be two DB’s protecting the goalline.
Eagles 21 Raiders 17

Tennessee @ St. Louis
I hope to Christ that Tennessee beats the crap out of the Rams
Rams 34 Titans 17

Carolina @ Miami
I don’t know, I don’t care either
Dolphins 20 Panthers 10

Arizona @ Seattle
Do they have to play this?
Seahawks 24 Cardinals 20

Dallas @ San Francisco
Cowboys should beat the crap out of the 49ers, but there seems to be a half dozen surprises every week.
Cowboys 27 49ers 16

New England @ Pittsburgh
Wow, what a game this is. Could it be that the Patriots lose two in a row? Could the Steelers actually lose at home? Wow, something’s gotta give.
Steelers 28 Patriots 27

NY Giants @ San Diego
I hope the Giants lose every game for the rest of the season. I know it’s been in the works for awhile, but imagine if the Giants get into the playoffs by one game? Nine home games are you kidding me? Couldn’t they just play at a high school in Oregon or something? At least make the site nuetral!
Chargers 23 Giants 20

Kansas City @ Denver
Chiefs seem to be unstoppable. Denver sucks. Trent Green please throw a TD for once.
Chiefs 35 Broncos 17

New Orleans @ Minnesota
Hmmm… let’s see here…. Saints and Vikings….hmmm

PLEASEGODPLEASEGODPLEASEGOD LET THE VIKINGS WIN
PLEASEGODPLEASEGODPLEASEDOG DON’T LET THEM MAKE ANOTHER FOOL OUT OF THEMSELVES.

Vikings 31 Saints 13


Week 2EricHannesAliecat46,XYBoof
Cincinnati @ Chicago
BearsBengalsBengals-Bengals
Atlanta @ Buffalo
BillsBillsBills-Bills
Cleveland @ Indianapolis
Colts
ColtsColts-
Colts
Tampa Bay @ Green Bay
PackersBucsBucs-Bucs
Jacksonville @ NY Jets
JetsJaguarsJaguars-Jaguars
Oakland @ Philadelphia
EaglesEaglesEagles-Eagles
Tennessee @ St. Louis
RamsRams-Titans-Rams
Carolina @ Miami
PanthersPanthersDolphins-Dolphins
Arizona @ Seattle
CardsSeahawksSeahawks-Seahawks
Dallas @ San Francisco
49ersCowboys49ers-Cowboys
New England @ PittsburghPatriotsPatriots
Steelers
-Steelers
NY Giants @ San Diego
GiantsGiantsChargers-Chargers
Kansas City @ Denver
BroncosChiefsChiefs-Chiefs
New Orleans @ Minnesota
VikingsSaintsVikings-VIKINGS!
Last Week(10-6)(7-9)(6-10)(0-16)(5-11)
Overall(15-17)(15-17)(14-18)(5-27)(13-19)


Bah humbug

Superior Hiking Trip Part II: The Search for Cheetos and Porn

I know this love is passing time
passing through like liquid
I am drunk in my desire...



When we last left you we were in Day 2 at about the 4 mile mark. We were supposed to hike 9.9 miles for the day, but.... that wasn't going to happen.

This was at the 5.5 mile mark at "Section 13" which is a hotspot for bitchy rock climbers. We told these climbers that we were filming a documentary on rock climbing and that we forgot the camera.

More section 13

Times like these call for a "Creed pose". KEEN YOUUU TAKEHUH MEEEA HIIIIIIIIIIGHER (diddily-ditty-do) TOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAH PLAAAAAAAACEHUH WIIIITHHUH...

Then we saw this guy hiding next to a tree.

At Section 13 it was about 5pm and some of us were dead tired. There was a campsite here and we utilized it. We had some other campers that thought the same thing.

So the next day we had 10.1 miles planned...

So we went to a garage sale instead. There were four little kids managing this garage sale with a bunch of kiddy stuff and construction equipment. I'm pretty sure their parents pissed off these kids and left for Vegas which allowed the kids to hold a garage sale sponsored in part by spite.

I was a firm believer in that sponsor so I bought a halogen light for $5 and Teal bought a come-along for $4. The kids also threw in a pair of work gloves for free. We bought that stuff and ran before daddy came home.

We stopped at Temperance State Park to catch the views. It was beautiful. This little cove had tons of fish and people were catching something about ever 5 minutes.


Very Beautiful.

This little cove was very shallow in some areas that you could see the giant salmon. There were a lot of "ooohs" and "aaaahs". The more fish we saw, the more Teal grew curious. He then had the idea to stop at the local gas station and buy some makeshift fishing supplies and a day license.

It was also decided by Teal and H (who lived with me for two years, so he should know) that if I was to ever "loot" a store that I would run out with a big bag of Cheetos and porn.
I really can't argue with that except that it would be Doritos, milk, and porn...as weird as that sounds. Anyway this is me dreaming of all the Doritos and porn in the world.

So we left Temperance and allowed Teal to shop for fishing supplies.

Okay, here we have two kinds of fishermen: the real fisherman and a "ghetto" fisherman. Notice that the real fisherman has a pole. Okay now notice Teal, without a pole, merely holding onto fishing line and hoping for the best. Finally notice the real fisherman looking at Teal like WTF are you doing?
For the record Teal did get two bites, but each bite took a hook. After two bites, the dream was over.

H and Lisa were watching this whole thing play out. H went exploring and Lisa decided to take a nap on the rocks.

That's when I had the chance to bash the crap out of Lisa with my water bottle right there on the rock...at Temperance State Park.

We then found a campsite about a half a mile from the nearby trailhead. Everyone say hi to Lisa!

This was our campsite. It's amazing that they don't charge for such beautiful sites.


The stream near the campsite.


They even had a latrine built at this place. Except that it was in clear view of the Superior Hiking Trail. If you could imagine a family walking the trail, taking note of all the trees and wildlife when little Billy points and says,
"Look daddy, that guy is taking a shit!"

We all slept under this tarp for the night. At around 4:30am it started pouring out so we all had to pile in under this thing.

On Monday we left camp and decided to spend some time in Duluth. This is the famous Duluth lift bridge.

And finally here is a sponsored bench in Duluth. That got me thinking, with me being such an "assman" I think if there was a bench in rememberance to me, it would be the ultimate grave. Just think of all the asses that would touch my bench! Me, being immortalized by an assprop.
That's awesome!

Fin

Tomorrow, I bitch about football.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Superior Hiking Trip Part 1: The Journey Begins

It's an idea, someday
in my tears, my dreams
don't you want to see her proof?
Life that comes of no harm
you and I, you and I and dominoes, the day goes by...

It’s been awhile eh?

I haven’t been backpacking in over two years and I haven’t camped out in a long time either, so I, like three others, was itching to capture some outdoor goodness up north. The weekend worked out, the moon was full, the fall colors were beginning to change, and the weather seemed to be just right for a backpacking trip.

Cast of characters

Lisa: I went to school with her at the College of Natural Resources at the U of M. She hadn’t ever backpacked before and was up for the challenge.

H: You may know from numerous comments from random posts. I used to live with H at the hizzy in Minneapolis for two years. This was also his first backpacking trip.

Teal: I know from the university YMCA’s Environmental BackPacking club (EBP). Teal was leading the first trip I ever went on with this club and is an experienced outdoorsman.

Setting: The Superior Hiking Trail which runs from Two Harbors, MN to just south of the Canadian border is about 200 miles of trial that follows Lake Superiors rocky shore. The trail is also regarded as one of the best hiking trails in the country and now I know why.


When we arrived to the SHT trail head we hiked into Tettegouche State Park to catch some waterfalls. This is a picture of High Falls which is the highest (?) falls in the state of Minnesota.

Top of High Falls

This was the cable bridge over High Falls. It's a very bouncy bridge and I'm sure a lot of cameras have been dropped as a result.

H then stared at High Falls and noticed the cool looking rocks on the right side of the water. At that moment he had the uncontrollable urge to participate in some rock climbing. This is H approaching those rocks. Don't do it H!

Lisa and myself just sat on a rock and watched the falls and H frollicking around the rocks. I believe I said to Lisa, "huhuhuh, watch H fall into the water. huhuhuh" Then I told a short story about a friends picture. We both were very focused on either my story or the majestic falls that we...

...missed H falling into the water. It was only until we saw him pounding his dripping fist into the rock when we noticed he fell in. I would've totally had a great picture if my camera was around. For the record we arrived less than one hour and someone already got soaking wet, on a sunny day no less.

Then we stopped at Two Step Falls just down stream. Again, beautimus.

We started our trek without Teal who was stuck at a business meeting that went into overtime. That and the typical cabin traffic that happens ever Friday afternoon. Therefore Lisa, H, and myself started hiking into camp. We only had 2.3 miles into our first campsite. Little did we know that 2.3 miles can take some time when it's uphill!

During the hike we did have some excellent views of Lake Superior. What was strange was that there was barely any wind and the lake was extremely calm.

This is Johnson Lake. Look how still this lake it! Sorry for the goofy angle.

The moon rising over Lake Superior. Hello new desktop wallpaper.

So we continued on this bitch of a trail. We finally arrived at camp at dusk where we had some foil dinners on a fire fueled by wet wood. The moon shone brightly overhead and we were starting to wonder if Teal was going to make it or not. Finally at around 9:30pm we heard some rustling and seen a headlamp and teal made the 2.3 mile trek in the moonlight. He said he probably scared off some deer and a bear in the process.

We slept under the bright moon and began a nine mile trek on Saturday morning. The trail started off pretty straight and decent. Then the uphill and downhill shit came into effect.

As a result of such uphill hiking, we get to see views like this on top of the "Sawmill Dome". I never thought there would be such a view in "flatlanders country".

pretty colors

This is a blurry view of this fat ass porcupine that quickly scampered up the tree once we approached.

and we continued on...

and on....

This hike was really getting tiring and slow due to all the sudden uphill/downhill shit. Imagine carrying a 50lbs. pack and trying to climb up or down these steep stone stairs with slanted stones, missing stones, and huge amounts of erosion. It's ankle breaking shit!

Very pretty stuff though.

Then I stepped in a ton of mud filling water bottles. DOH!

The exciting twist to the story tomorrow!



Friday, September 16, 2005

Week 2

I got stuff to do, so this is going to be a lightning round.

Baltimore at Tennessee
Ravens 24 Titans 10

Buffalo at Tampa Bay
Bills 15 Bucs 13

Detroit at Chicago
NFC central suck fest.
Lions 28 Bears 17

Jacksonville at Indianapolis
Colts by a lot, Jaguars: total doesn't matter

New England at Carolina
I've picked the Patriots to lose the last 7 times in a row. I'm finally going with them
Pats 27 Panthers 24

Pittsburgh at Houston
Steelers 21 Texans 14

San Francisco at Philadelphia
hmmm... we'll I have no idea. San Fran, what the hey!
49ers 31 Eagles 24

Atlanta at Seattle
Stupid Mike Vick.
Falcons 31 Seahawks 25

St. Louis at Arizona
Good think I'm camping this weekend otherwise I would vomit at the site of this game.
Rams 20 Cardinals 17

Cleveland at Green Bay
*shakes head* I suppose...
Packers 27 Browns 17

Miami at N.Y. Jets
I really like the Dolphins for some reason
Dolphins 24 Jets 13

San Diego at Denver
Denver sucks
Chargers 38 Broncos 20

Kansas City at Oakland
Raiders suck with or without Moss
Chiefs 35 Raiders 10

N.Y. Giants at New Orleans
What magic these Saints have. I hope the people in the stands root for this team.
Saints 27 Giants 21

Washington at Dallas
Cowboys 30 Redskins 13

Minnesota @ Cincinnati
I have to go with the Bengals. Hold on, hold on. I'm not jumping off the bandwagon, but that game last week was very Sarah Jessica Parker-esque. That offensive like sucks. Also, I have developed a bit of a secret crush with the Bengals. I'm just going through a phase.
Bengals 21 Vikings 7

Prove me wrong guys, prove me wrong.

Last week we all sucked. Eric and Ron sucked the most though bwahahah.



Week 2EricHannesAliecat46,XYBoof
Baltimore@ TennesseeTitansRavensTitansTBARavens
Buffalo @ Tampa BayBillsBucsBillsTBABills
Detroit @ ChicagoBearsLionsLionsTBALions
Jacksonvile @ IndianapolisColtsColtsColtsTBAColts
New England @ CarolinaPatriotsPatriotsPatriotsTBAPatriots
Pittsburgh @ HoustonTexansSteelersSteelersTBASteelers
San Francisco @ Philadelphia49ersEaglesEaglesTBA49ers
Atlanta @ SeattleSeahawksFalconsFalconsTBAFalcons
St. Louis @ ArizonaRamsRamsRamsTBARams
Cleveland @ Green BayPackersPackersPackersTBAPackers
Miami @ NY JetsJetsJetsJetsTBADolphins
San Diego @ DenverBroncosChargersChargersTBAChargers
Kansas City @ OaklandRaidersRaidersRaidersTBAChiefs
NY Giants @ New OrleansGiantsSaintsSaintsTBASaints
Washington @ DallasRedskinsCowboysCowboysTBACowboys
Minnesota @ CincinnatiBengalsBengalsVIKINGS!TBABengals
Last Week(5-11)(8-8)(8-8)(5-11)(8-8)
Overall(5-11)(8-8)(8-8)(5-11)(8-8)

Thursday, September 15, 2005

This Actually Ticks Me Off

I shoulda known better maybe
Woulda seen right through ya
I needed you like a disease

You’ve GOT to be kidding me.

Did they just nix the idea of “Crispy” M&M’s? I know on the website they have them listed but between the 3 grocery stores I have looked, nothing. Nothing even resembling a blue M&M’s wrapper. (Tangent: grape bubblegum seems to have vanished too)

There’s regular, peanut, peanut butter, and some almond shit but no Crispy bags anywhere.
ANYWHERE!

Did they have to make some cuts at M&m corporation and some fucknut looking at a spreadsheet figured that no one eats crispy M&m’s and cut out the whole “crispy” department? I hope to christ someone at the local distribution center just “forgot” to order some as sometimes we are only human.

I mean it better be the latter because the phrase,
“Let’s get rid of the Crispy M&M’s.” sounds as wrong as
“I hope my entire family get’s crabs.”

Really, it sounds that bad. At least for me.

This is twice though. I figure God or “the great spirit” or whatever is sitting somewhere thinking,
“let’s just get rid of annoying addictions that Boof has. I had great joy taking White Cheddar Chez Nips out of circulation and watching him squirm. Now I can do the same with Crispy M&M’s.”

I mean while backpacking, crispy M&M’s are about as good as money. Every single, little crispy M&M goes so far. Every little witty, bitty crispy is a touch of heaven. It’s like a gentile sea at night with the full moon shining ever so forcefully over the horizon. Until a fuckin hurricane suddenly hits and the ass of some M&M executive burns itself through the atmosphere and decides to take a colossal dump on the moon.

What kind of a sick fucking bastard takes away Crispy M&M’s? Did those stupid, retarded “big ass” M&M’s take Crispy’s place? Better not because I’ll damn well write a pissed off letter with plenty of swear words.

God dammit!

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Just Ramblings

Head at your feet. Fool to your crown.
Fist on my plate. Swallowed it down.
Enmity gauged. United by fear.
Tried to endure what I could not forgive.

Just once I wish I could run into Brad Radke at a baseball field. Just once so I could tee off on one of his pitches. I would love nothing more than for this scenario,

Radke studies the catcher’s signals from the mound carefully nods his head as he has selected his pitch. Boof patiently waits with the bat cocked for the upcoming pitch. He knows nothing about how to hit a curveball, knuckle, or changeup, so he figures he’ll just swing like mad at the first pitch that comes. Radke takes a step back to begin his windup, turns his head toward the catcher, and fires away a 93mph fast ball. Boof starts swinging right when his arm starts forward as the ball explodes from his palm. Boof struggles to see this dart pass by the infield grass that proceeds the batter’s box but can just catch the ball with his depth perception. The ball and bat seemed to be timed just right.
CRACK!
Oh did that feel good as the ball seemed to naturally bounce off the bat and was sailing toward deep left field. Everyone stops and stares in awe at this ball sailing, sailing until it drops innocently over the fence.

That’s what I think about every god damn night right before I fall asleep. Seriously, every night.

It’s not so much the homerun as it is the “CRACK” because I can only imagine how good such a feeling could be. To be able to knock the shit out of a ball at 90mph has to be an incredible feeling!

I mean I know I can hit the crap out of the ball with someone pitching at 60mph but I’ve never had anyone pitch to me that can do more than that.

When I grow up…and I’m filthy rich I’m going to buy a pitcher’s contract and have him pitch to me for a good half hour a day. I’ll make my own make shift ball park with pane glass windows along the left field wall and try to break them all. I will also have some infield targets for line drives, so I can bash away at whoever is on my craplist for that day.

Then I would have a flagpole inside my baseball park somewhere because that’s cool. I would also have a dirt track that leads to the pitchers mound from the batters box like Arizona and Detroit have.

I would have the biggest inner tube ever hanging out in centerfield, so I could pretend that I win $50,000 every time I happen to hit a ball that goes through it.

Hmmm grass of course. Ooooh I would have the dimensions so that the foul pole would be something ridiculous like 296 or something to have that “Pesky pole” thing in play.

Hmmm after all that, I would never be able to sleep again.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Boof's Happy Place

A confidence man but why so beleagued?
He's not a leader he's a Texas leaguer.
Swinging for the fence. Got lucky with a strike.
Drilling for fear makes the job simple.
Born on third. Thinks he got a triple.


Last Saturday I participated in my company’s golf annual golf outing. I figured it was free golf with a free ‘starter kit’ and some contests along the way including longest putt and--the one I was going for--longest drive. The “scramble” started at 7am and involved people who I didn’t even know. I didn’t know who the big shots were, who the peons were, nor the good golfers were.

I arrived at 7am with a 48 hour shadow, bloodshot eyes (after working til midnight the night before), and the baggiest/dorkiest clothes around. I walked up to the check-in desk where a guy and a clipboard sit.
“Can I help you?”
“Yeah I’m here to golf, that’s me” as I point to the clipboard with my name.
“oh, well good luck.”

Like I said it was a “scramble” which means all four people on your team hit the ball and your team uses the best ball. Basically you could have three crappy golfers and one big shot, and the big shot will carry his/her team to victory. My team consisted of my coworker B, some guy and his good looking daughter. B is a crotchety old man who isn't afraid of saying anything on the outside, but is a one of the best guys around on the inside. Therefore, I was happy to do this scramble thing.

I used to go golfing a lot more than I do now. Back in the day I would go golfing maybe three-four times a month whereas now I’ve played about three rounds in the last 5 years. So I wasn’t at the top of my game but I didn’t care, it was free golf and they were going to feed me and that’s all it takes to make me happy.

We started and I was smacking the holy hell out of the ball. Everything nice, long, and straight. My team used about 90% of my shots and “The old dude” asked if it really was only the 2nd time I golfed this summer. It was and everything was going right. We were flirting with 1 under for most of the day.

Throughout the round I would approach the daughter and shoot the breeze a little, catch a little common ground if you will. Every time I would approach her, the old dude would walk over with this frown-like scowl and I would proceed to take my shot. This happened about three times and although I was only talking to her, the old dude seemed to be on the verge of saying something until I finally stopped. It wasn’t like I slapped her ass or anything, just simple conversations.

Then came the hole with the longest drive. As my team was waiting for the foursome in front of us, we saw where the longest drive hit. It was about 280 yards down the center of the fairway and we all looked in awe. I step up to the tee box, swing, and hit this long slicing drive that went about ten yards into the rough on the right. It wasn’t anything worth looking at and I was somewhat irritated with the sliced result. B and I drove up to our shots when he pointed at my ball, it wasn’t as bad of a shot as first determined and it was 2 yards past the longest drive.

I totally out drove that son of a bitch! The thing was, because my ball was in the rough, it didn’t count based on the rules already established.
BAAAAAAH CRAP!

The last hole was about 307 par 4. We had the wind at our back and I used B’s big god damn driver. The thing was HUGE about 50% bigger than my driver and it was light as hell! I teed off and hit the ball not necessarily that great but it was straight and going and going…and going until if finally hit about five yards in front of the green. The foursome ahead of us was on the green and everyone’s heads turned to the mysterious golf ball that somehow landed ten yards away.

That drive was like 300 god damn yards!

The guys on the green looked at B and said,
“THAT, was one hell of a drive! How the hell did you manage that?” B looked at the guys and said,
“It wasn’t me fellas, this kid did that.” and the surprised look on their faces when they looked at this bum was priceless. They thought it was joke, but I was the one laughing!

It was fun as hell.

Our team finished with two over par and we lost to this other team that somehow had three freakin PGA type golfers who finished -4. Bastards

Oh and this conversation with B sums up who that “Old Dude”.

Boof: That guy’s daughter is pretty hot.
B: Oh I know. I’ve seen you’ve been looking at her
Boof: How can I not?! She’s gorgeous. Who is this guy anyway?
B looks at me: He’s only the fucking owner of our company.
Boof: Ah…shit!

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Week 1 Picks (fixed!)

I changed by not changing at all.
Small town predicts my fate.
Perhaps that's what no one wants to see.


Baseball is the beautiful woman who’s always there when you need her. In times of trouble you can always have a kind ear to talk to with baseball. Football is like that dark, sexy biker chick that comes and gives you wild sex parties and trashes your whole house. Baseball is love, football is lust.

The 2005 season is totally up in the air because if the past five years have proven anything it’s that every year is unpredictable. Of the 32 teams there’s going to be some team that comes out of nowhere that finds a way to win 12 games. There’s also the teams that always seem to find a way to win when it matters. Then there’s the ultimate disappointment combined with the team with a tremendous fast start.

No matter what happens, it’s always fun to watch guys kill themselves in a team effort.

General predictions

-Randy Moss will have a shit-fit toward Kerry Collins. He will, trust me.

And that’s all I have. I really have no damn clue as to what will happen this season. Predicting the NFL is like trying figure out women, it cannot be done.

Anyways here’s my Vikings prediction.
I think Daunte Culpepper will finally show the naysayer that they are indeed complete racists by carving out the NFC North with pinpoint accuracy and his lack of deflecting defensive linemen. Nate Burleson will be a 1200 yard receiver with Travis Taylor and Marcus Robinson having three good weeks a piece. The running game will be worse than last year with the suspect offensive line and lack of any good power running backs (except Moe Williams, but they’ll never run him 25 times in a game).
Speaking of offensive line, the line will be the barometer of the season. If the Vikings can find a way to have just an average line, we’ll be a legit 11-12 win team. If the line sucks up a storm, we’ll be another 8-8 team.

The defense is supposed to be a whole hell of a lot better with fatass Pat Williams and Fred Smoot. Basically a little girl with a butterfly net is better than whatever kind of crappy defense we had last year. Also we have Darren Sharper who has a really cool last name (how can a name like ‘Sharper’ have any bad connotations to it?)
I have to remain objective so I’ll say that if the Vikings DON’T win the division Mike Tice should have his ass kicked out the door. The offense and defense is there all we need is Tice to fuck with it now.

Picks

Chicago @ Washington
I don't know. Do you guys know? I pick Washington because… I have Clinton Portis on my team.
Redskins 20 Bears 13

Cincinnati @ Cleveland
I’m thinking of a Drew Carey opening with “CLEVELAND SUCKS! CLEVELAND SUCKS!” and they totally do
Bengals 31 Browns 10

Denver @ Miami
I honestly think that Miami is a better team with two potentially good running backs and Gus Frerrote. I think these two teams could change uniforms and it would be close to identical too. I think that would be sweet!
Dolphins 24 Broncos 6

Houston @ Buffalo
I like the Texans this year. Young offensive talent and an emerging defense. Then Buffalo has _______ as a quarterback. Buffalo is at home so they win based on that.
Bills 17 Texans 13

New Orleans @ Carolina
Teams usually find ways to unite for their city and fan during times of crisis. I think (and I’ll be careful with this) that the Saints will become the ‘America’s team’ for 2005. They’re like NFL refugees. Uh, they’ll lose this game though.
Panthers 1,000 Saints 9

NY Jets @ Kansas City
I don’t know a thing about the Jets. I couldn’t tell you how good or bad they’ll be. Same goes for the Chiefs. I don’t follow these teams because I don’t care.
Chiefs 28 Jets 23

Seattle @ Jacksonville
I remember that Seattle was “The Sexiest Pick of 2004” everyone picked the Seahawks to go 16-0. This year they didn’t even lose that many people (except Koren Robinson) and are ignored. I guess they fell on a rake and are not sexy anymore.
Seahawks 24 Jaguars 13

Tennessee @ Pittsburgh
I would like to think that the Steelers will win this game even with a rookie starting in their backfield. Ben Rothlesberger has to really suck this year because he’s way to damn cocky. Tennessee needs to change their ugly jerseys and wear something that little kids can sleep into. ???? I don’t know either.
Steelers 20 Titans 14

Arizona @ NY Giants
I hope Eli Manning never wins another game. I think him and Ben Rothlesberger should both be verbally abused by their parents… and possibly Peyton.
Giants 13 Cards 10

Dallas @ San Diego
I think every fantasy owner in the world came into their draft with Julius Jones being their sleeper pick. Everyone was like, “I’m so gonna steal that dude in the 2nd round.” which would’ve worked wonders if it was Torry Holt or something.
Chargers 23 Cowboys 17

Green Bay @ Detroit
I would like to think that the Packers will lose. I really do. It’s just that stupid Brett fucking Favre is always there to mess up my predictions. Unfortunately go with the Packers based on my grandmas 90th birthday today (she’s a big Packers fan).

St. Louis @ San Francisco
Play every god damn Ram player you have on your team. Take the Ram’s mailman if he’s still available because the 49ers will lose. By a lot.
Rams 38 49ers 13

Indianapolis @ Baltimore
No way do I go against the colts. Hello ‘98 Vikes.
Colts 27 Ravens 13

Philadelphia @ Atlanta
This year I can safely bash away at Mike Vick because I think last year he got lucky being so healthy all the time. Kordell Stewart was also a fast, tricky quarterback and he ended up having a hall of fame career and I ended up getting a Kordell Stewart jersey.

Tampa Bay @ Minnesota
If the vikes don’t’ win this game the fans will probably burn Mike Tice on a stake. He shouldn’t lose this game though. I repeat HE SHOULN’T LOSE THIS GAME!
Vikes 27 Bucs 17

Here’s what everyone else crappy pics are….Ah… just pretend there’s some real damn good content in the four inches of nothing space between here and the grid. For my benefit anyway. (Edit: baaah, more like a thousand, million inches. It's down there somewhere.)

EricHannesAliecat46,XYBoof
Denver @ MiamiBroncosBroncosBroncosBroncosDolphins
Tennessee @ PittsburghTitansSteelersSteelersSteelersSteelers
Chicago @ WashingtonRedskinsRedskinsBearsBearsRedskins
New Orleans @ CarolinaPanthersPanthersSaintsPanthersPanthers
Seattle @ JacksonvilleSeahawksJaguarsSeahawksJaguarsSeahawks
Houston @ BuffaloBillsBillsTexansTexansBills
Cincinnati @ ClevelandBrownsBengalsBengalsBengalsBengals
Tampa Bay @ MinnesotaVikingsVikingsVikingsVikingsVIKINGS!
NY Jets @ Kansas CityJetsChiefsChiefsChiefsChiefs
Green Bay @ DetroitPackersPackersPackersPackersPackers
Dallas @ San DiegoChargersChargersCowboysChargersChargers
St Louis @ San FranciscoRamsRams49ersRamsRams
Arizona @ NY GiantsCardinalsCardinalsGiantsCardinalsGiants
Indianapolis @ BaltimoreColtsColtsRavensRavensColts
Philadelphia @ AtlantaFalconsEaglesEaglesFalconsEagles
Last Weeksuckedhorribleworthlessbad weekDoritos
Overall(1-0)(1-0)(1-0)(0-1)(0-1)