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Tuesday, November 29, 2005

A Football Apology

You reached for the secret too soon, you cried for the moon.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Threatened by shadows at night, and exposed in the light.
Shine on you crazy diamond.


There is one man that can walk the streets of Minneapolis and serve crow to everyone. This man is also allowed to point and yell at everyone calling them a bunch of “assfaces for being such stupid fucking negative nancy bitches” as he may or may not call those people. His job has been scrutinized publicly for basically 2 years with continuous calls of “meathead”, “dumbass”, and “stupid god damn idiot, put that challenge flag back in your fucking pocket”.

Yes this is Mike Tice I am talking about. I have been a major opponent of him being a head coach. The teams have traditionally started strong but have continued to lose on the road, against really crappy teams, and he says really stupid things. I criticize the hell out of him when he loses.

Now that he’s winning it’s only fair that I acknowledge such a feat. Actually it’s damn right amazing that he’s found a way to win four in a row and be in the playoff hunt.

Think of it, five weeks ago our MVP quarterback tore every ligament in his leg, the franchise embarrassed every fan that owns and wears team merchandise in public, and every week the sports columnists (and local bloggers) were like ravaged dogs all fighting for a piece of bloody meat whenever the coach would show his face. Now we’re in the middle of a playoff hunt with a relatively easy schedule remaining.

Whenever I watch this team now I see something that I haven’t seen in almost a decade. Players are tackling! Players are breaking up passes on third and long! Wide out slants are now being defended against! The team actually has a defense!

With such a four game winning streak it is important to note that the team hasn’t played the best teams in the league, but they really aren’t the worst either. Lets examine.

Vs. Green Bay
The Packers always play the Vikings tough especially at the dome because --I hate to admit this--the dome is almost always filled with 40-50% packer fans.

@ New York Giants
We beat them without scoring and offensive touchdown and right after a week where they torched the Redskins and beat the Broncos.

Vs. Detroit
Well, Detroit sucks so…

@ Green Bay
It’s hard to beat the packers in Lambeau! That stupid Gado guy has rushed for a 100 yards in 2 out of the three games he’s played and both were against respectable defenses in Atlanta and Philadelphia.

During this four game streak the team has given up an average of 16 points, which is amazing for the Vikings.

And throughout his four year tenure as a head coach it should be pointed out that he had the cheapest owner in football--isn’t it great when your favorite football AND baseball team is owned by the cheapest owner in their respected sport--and that owner even held a garage sale to make a couple extra dollars.

I hope that if Tice had the financial support of the owner that the Vikings would’ve had much better assistant coaches in the past and this year when they had one guy for offensive line coach and offensive coordinator.

Despite all that it still seems likely that Tice will lose his job come January 3rd. The only way he keeps it is if the Vikings manage to make the playoffs, which still seems like an uphill battle knowing that the tie breaker is already lost against the Bucs and Falcons…and Panthers (if it should ever get that bad for them).

The Vikings were in the middle of arguably their darkest hour about a month ago and now this team has already solidified itself as the “not the worst Vikings team ever, record wise”, which is better than being the worst team ever.

So call me an assface if you will Mr. Tice because I respect you for it.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Walk The Line Review

I know how to play this game
one, two, three and I'm safe
count real slow to five
you couldn't keep me around if you tried


I am now completely addicted to the music of Johnny Cash.

The movie is awesome and Reese Witherspoon and ‘something’ Phoenix do a fantastic job portraying the lives of John and June Carter Cash. The story is remarkably similar to Ray Charles’ but Cash’s has more key figures and the creation of rock and country.

The best part of the movie is the music. I have always had the sentiment that country music is crap and since working at an AM country station, I have lifted that notion and started listening to a little country. The movie shows how the earliest country was quite similar to the controversial, new and fast music that Elvis and Jerry Lee Lewis discovered in the fifties. The movie also gives a great frame of reference for Cash’s music through the early years.

I already bought the soundtrack that contains most of the music actually sung by Phoenix and Witherspoon and they sound great! When I was little I would make fun of country by exaggerating a twangy woman doing country music and that is sort of what Reese Witherspoon sounds like in most of her songs. The thing is, she sounds great.
She looks better than ever in this movie too. I think it’s all due to her being a brunette instead of her obnoxious blond hair and previous movies. I mean every blond actress needs to make the jump into brunette hood. It’s worked for Faith Hill.

As for Phoenix’s songs, they’re a bit updated with the drums actually being audible as opposed to the actual 50‘s songs. I’m not sure what a hardcore Cash fan has to say about the new vocals but they have me hooked.

This movie has me by the nose. If producers were trying to direct this movie toward the suburbanite, mid-twenties demographic, I would definitely be a sheep. I have already bought “The Essential Johnny Cash” to which I have found that it is the censored version. Yeah, there’s nothing better than to listen to a great story and hear an ear piercing “BEEEEEEEP” tear through near the end.

It’s the best movie to come out since Cinderella Man.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Charity Cards

I keep a close watch on this heart of mine
I keep my eyes wide open all the time
I keep the ends out for the ties that bind
Because you're mine, I walk the line


Just thought you all would like to know that for the game yesterday, I/we got to sit next to one Dave Dahl, the meteorologist of channel 5.
Yeah that’s right, he sat like two feet away from me. In fact at one point when I was trying to watch the Bears/Bucs finale, he asked me,
“Did he really miss that field goal?” to which I replied with,
“yeah”.

Autographs, pfffff.

At least it was Dave Dahl and not Cyndi Brucato or ugh, Rod Simons, or anyone else that works at that god awful station.

Crap List

1. My Realitor
This guy just does not understand when to call me. The first call I received was on a Tuesday night @ 11:30pm.
11:30pm!?!
I was still up at the time (I am a night person) but I really don’t want to talk house at that time of night and not to mention, what the fuck are you thinking? If it were a buddy or someone that didn’t want to talk business then yes, call me at 11:30pm. Call me at 1am if you like. I don’t remember the last time I was asleep at 1am.
Then yesterday he calls me at 12:30pm which is worse than 11:30pm because yesterday was football day. Not only that but the Vikings are playing at that time. DON’T CALL ME DURING THE GAME! Wait until after or before or better yet, another day all together, but not during the Vikings game.
If you’re a realitor, go fuck yourself and wait until I call you.

2. That new Alanis song.
I was watching some videos the other day when I saw some, what looked like, meth’ed out British woman doing some techno pop stuff. She looked vaguely familiar so I continued watching. As it turns out, it was Alanis.
Hmmm

I must say that I have been a bit of an Alanis fan the past couple of years. I feel she was definitely improved since her god awful cackling and screeching from her first album. Under Rug Swept is probably one of my favorite albums around and her last attempt wasn’t terribly bad. Luckily she hasn’t completely gone in this direction because this was just a single from her latest greatest hits collection.

I guess at least it’s different than the same old stuff.

3. The person who helped themselves into my car.
I park in a garage attached to my apartment and apparently I left my car unlocked one day. I came the next morning to my glove box and center console completely ravaged through. There was nothing to worry about because I don’t keep anything of value in my car anymore since I have been broken into twice before, but it just feels disturbing when someone else helps themselves to my stuff.

Actually it almost feels gratifying to know that they wasted the time and effort to help themselves to Dio’s greatest hits and a Bryan Adams CD. Actually, why the hell would they take those CD’s? Now I gotta buy them again!

4. The card my newspaper carrier left me.
It was nothing bad in fact it was a Christmas card. Inside the Christmas card was an envelope with her address already hand written in the “Send to” area.

So what? Do I have to send her a fucking card now? Is she begging for a tip?
The card wasn’t even anything but the typical “sign you name and seal” type deal which I am a bit against. You see, if you simply buy a card, sign it, and seal it up you are basically signing away any sort of creativity you have. Anyone can do that. What you are saying by doing that is that you spent $2 on a card and took the time to sign you name somewhere on the inside.

Total thought: one half second (if that)
Total money wasted on a wasted gesture: about five bucks with the stress of “Oh I gotta by so-and-so a card” and the gas it took to stop at the card shop.

So this leaves me to “What would I do if I was the carrier” question. I’d send a copied note or story to everyone. If my story is bad at least they think “he took the time to create something and said ‘happy holidays’ in the process. Then they would be like, “Wow, that was very nice of so-and-so! Merry Christmas” and bam, five bucks.

Also, I don’t “do” Christmas cards because I don’t have time to write a personal note to everyone I know and I don’t want to spend $20 on postage for a stupid, typical card. That’s why I send a nice email to everyone because I enjoy writing it and I believe the thought is there and it‘s free.

Then there’s the issue of tipping your newspaper carrier. I already tipped her when I signed up and I figured that that would be it. Now this silent “begging” is totally rubbing me the wrong way. Especially being a weekend subscriber.

I live in an apartment complex which is warm and convenient and has a long hallway with all our doorsteps. Basically all one has to do is grab a wagon or cart and drop the papers in front of our door. Why is that tipable?
Why is that worth extra money?

Don’t get me wrong, I am all for tipping of waitresses and maids in motels, but I don’t understand this one. I also think about all the time she took --well not writing her name in the cards, but addressing all those envelopes that went inside the card. I don’t know if that deserves money but that’s gotta suck though.

Tomorrow I sing my praises for 'Walk The Line'.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Holiday Picks

And I think about him, now and then,
Every time I try and every time I win,
And if I ever have a son, I think I'm gonna name him
Bill or George! Anything but Sue! I still hate that name!


I must say that I am pretty disappointed in my apatite. At first I filled my plate full of ham, turkey, corn, and of course mashed potos and gravy. I devoured that went right for some more potos and gravy. I ate and then the unthinkable, I was full. I hit my belly and walked to the bathroom to scream at my body but it was a no-go. I only had enough room for one slice of pumpkin pie.

There was one more scoop of mashed potos left and before we saran wrapped that little bitch my Mom looked at me like, “Please finish this ridiculous scoop of potatoes that you left.” and I just bowed my head in shame.

Picks

Uh… I kinda forgot about those Thanksgiving games so… forget about them. They never happened.

Baltimore @ Cincinnati
I bet the Bengals are pissed after losing that shoot-out to the Colts.
Bengals 35 Ravens 13

St. Louis @ Houston
Bleh…
Rams 21 Texans 17

Carolina @ Buffalo
Bills suck ass. Get a real quarterback in there.
Panthers 27 Bills 17

San Francisco @ Tennessee
*sigh*
Titans 24 49ers 20

New England @ Kansas City
The Chiefs play damn well at home. It’s about time the Patriots lose again.
Chiefs 24 Patriots 20

Chicago @ Tampa Bay
Since the Bears beat the Panthers, everyone’s awe switched from the Panthers to the Bears right after that win.
Bears 20 Bucs 13

San Diego @ Washington
Redskins officially suck now.
Chargers 31 Redskins 17

Miami @ Oakland
I’m done picking the fucking Dolphins.
Raiders 28 Dolphins 17

Jacksonville @ Arizona
Denny sucks.
Jaguars 24 Cards 10

NY Giants @ Seattle
Now if the Seahawks lose the NFC will completely be fucked up.
Seattle 27 Giants 23

Green Bay @ Philadelphia
Bwahahahahaha the Packers suck
Eagles 21 Packers 20

New Orleans @ NY Jets
Oh my sweet lord, what a crapper this is.
Saints 24 Jets 13

Pittsburgh @ Indianapolis
I gotta go with the Colts here because it seems like the Colts are going to want to prove a point. I really want these guys to go 16-0 just to stick it too those old assholes from the ‘72 Miami team. Assholes
Colts 23 Steelers 20

Cleveland @ Minnesota
Could it be? Could it be that the Vikings win and sport a 6-5 record???? CAN IT HAPPEN? Just the thought gives me a great big smile. I think they pull it out though.
Vikings 27 Browns 24

I finally filled in the table from last week and here’s the one from this week. Damn Hannes.



Week 12
EricHannesAliecat46,XYBoof
Baltimore @ Cincinnati
Ravens
Bengals

Bengals
Bengals
St. Louis @ Houston
Texans
Rams

Rams
Rams
Carolina @ Buffalo
Bills
Panthers

Panthers
Panthers
San Francisco @ Tennessee
Titans
49ers

49ers
Titans
New England @ Kansas City
Chiefs
Patriots

Patriots
Chiefs
Chicago @ Tampa Bay
Bears
Bucs

Bucs
Bears
San Diego @ Washington
Chargers
Chargers

Chargers
Chargers
Miami @ Oakland
Dolphins
Raiders

Raiders
Raiders
Jacksonville @ Arizona
Cards
Jaguars

Jaguars
Jaguars
NY Giants @ Seattle
Giants
Giants

Seahawks
Seahawks
Green Bay @ Philadelphia
Packers
Packers

Eagles
Eagles
New Orleans @ NY Jets
Saints
Saints

Jets
Saints
Pittsburgh @ Indianapolis
Colts
Colts

Steelers
Colts
Cleveland @ Minnesota
Browns
Vikings

Vikings
VIKINGS
Last Week(6-8)(8-6)(0-14)(8-6)(6-8)
Overall(85-73)(96-62)(36-94)(72-86)(90-68)

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

What a Great Coach!

I'm a steamroller baby
I'd like to roll all over you
Hey I'm a steamroller for your love
Like nothing better than to just roll all over you

This is the latest article by Sid Hartman (the worst columnist and biggest ass kisser around).



http://www.startribune.com/stories/507/5738440.html

Mason: Gophers simply unprepared

The U coach said Saturday's humbling defeat at Iowa came as a result of everyone doing a poor job of what they were supposed to do.
Page:12

Gophers football coach Glen Mason didn't make any excuses Sunday when he talked about Saturday's 52-28 loss to Iowa. [Boof: I bet he does.]

Mason didn't want to take any credit away from the Hawkeyes, but at the same time he said, "I'm just telling you we did a poor job of coaching, we did a poor job of playing, we did a poor job of getting the team ready, and everybody's got a piece in that. [Boof: Oh everybody does? Sounds like the head coach sat on his ass, but he wont take credit for that. Ether way, it sounds like a great game plan!]

"I wish I could come up with a definitive answer for everybody out there to make them feel better, but you can't because it's unexplainable." [Boof: How about... all we do is run because our quarterback is terrible and everyone who we play knows that.]

A year ago, when Iowa beat Minnesota 29-27 at the Metrodome, the Gophers outrushed Iowa 337-6. [Boof: yeah...but we lost]

Saturday, the Gophers managed 15 yards on their first 11 rushing plays and on their next seven tries they picked up only 29 more. They did not reach 100 yards rushing until it was garbage time. [Boof: Groundbreaking journalism at its' finest. At least he's being somewhat objective.]

A year ago, the Hawkeyes had a veteran front four that couldn't stop the Gophers. Saturday, two freshmen and two sophomores took the Gophers' running game away.

Mason said the Gophers faced the same type of defense from Iowa's front seven Saturday that they faced in the 2004 game against the Hawkeyes. This time, the Gophers didn't execute. [Boof: So the Hawkeyes had the same defense as last year with younger guys and we still "weren't prepared"? That's asinine!]

"I'm sure they were challenged, but it's not like they developed a new scheme," Mason said. "They didn't do much that they hadn't done in previous years, or that we didn't anticipate and get ready for. But there's no magic, no doubt they played the run. [Boof: Now THAT'S fantastic coaching!]

"Initially, every pass we threw seemed to be wide open; now we either dropped it or didn't throw a good pass, but that's the case when you overplay the run, but that's what we're about."

Glad for another chance

Mason is happy a bowl game is in the Gophers' future, because it will give the team an opportunity to prove it is much better than it showed in its final regular-season game. [Boof: Oh please. Instead of going to a good bowl the Gophers are going to the gunts-a-plenty dot com bowl.]

"I know the way we played against Iowa is not indicative of the Gopher football team," he said. "You're only as good as your last game. I told the players right after the game, we played poorly, that's the bad news, the good news is we'll get to play again, and we'll get to try to prove ourselves again and try to right what we didn't do against Iowa. [Boof: Had the Gophers not won over Maplewood Middle school back in August, that Iowa whooping would've been thier last game]

"That's all you can do. Sure you look back and you try to figure out the big question. ... I can't give you a definitive answer why we played so poorly, and I'm going to spend all my time on how we're going to play better." [Boof: Well that maybe the problem. Had you looked to the past perhaps you could figure out that the Hawkeye's defense would have the same schemes as last year. Oh but no, you are the best the U of M can ever have. pfff]

The schedule won't get any easier next year, with a game at California and the same conference opponents. They will play a weak Kent State team in Canton, Ohio, and thus have fewer home games than any other team in the Big Ten. [Boof: I think they're playing Beaver Lake elementary school JV too and that isn't in the dome.]

But the critics can think anything they want. Mason is not just a good football coach, but a great one. He has made Minnesota competitive. [Boof: Competitive against Lakeland dental academy perhaps. Yeah the guy turned the Gophers football program from absolute horrible to mediocre, what a great coach!]

*********************************

Sid really needs to retire. His love for Glen Mason is just god damn crazy. A "great" coach? If only he had one clue.

Monday, November 21, 2005

THRICE TIMES IN A ROW!!!!!

Bring the boys back home.
Bring the boys back home.
Don't leave the children on their own, no, no.
Bring the boys back home.


(AP Photo/Andy Manis)

The Minnesota Vikings took that Lambeau mytique and wiped thier ass with it. That's THREE times in a row the Vikes have beat the stupid Packers!!!!!!!

NOW THEY'RE 5-5!!!!

I never gave up on this team.... well not to the point were I would flat out say,
"I'm going to completely give up on this team." because I never said that exact sentence.

Crap Yeah!

In my paisley shirt,
I look a jerk,
and my turquoise wasitcoat is quite outta sight.
But oh, oh, my haircut looks so bad....
Vegetable man! Where are you?


Ladies and gentlemen,
Scott Stapp’s newest album cover,


















That’s just too god damn funny.

















Crap List

1. Work Related
I work with this person who is in charge of approving items. This person is not my boss nor is he anyone of authority, but they like to think they are. To protect this persons identity, I’ll call this person Fuckface. Fuckface has no clue about anything. When needing an answer on something, he’ll never get back you. I’ll have people wanting this certain product on one end and I have to tell them to wait, so it is a lose-lose situation because we all know the shit runs downhill.

Whenever I have to deal with this person almost all of Fuckface’s ideas have been completely, fucking stupid. My role is in charge of directing the labor so I will naturally throw in my two cents. So I’ll add,
“Ah you know, that is nonsense. It just doesn’t work like that.” and Fuckface will disregard me because I don’t have the type of training that they have. So when reality comes true and it “just doesn’t work out” Fuckface will send me a nasty email which says something like,
“Why would something like that happen?” and CC it to all the top guns.

Now my initial response is to hit “reply” and type,

SUCK

MY

BALLS

But you really cannot get away with that in an office setting. So I reply and give him the answer along with the previous emails of me warning him of such actions and Fuckface will deny everything.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a really nice guy at work. I’ll smile and greet everyone and I understand how someone will make mistakes and have a sub par ideal, but it’s when they don’t care or bother to ask the people that install that product is what gets me.

2. “Sahara”
There’s a ton in this movie that I could yell about but one thing in particular really irks me. The antagonist developed a state of the art nuclear dumping facility and he supposedly uses solar power to heat something or other. The guy build a pretty smart creation except that the nuclear waste is contaminating the groundwater and will lead to world destruction (or so the movie leads you to believe). When pointed out about the pollution he’s creating he responds with,

“Uh, no it’s not.”

HE LITERALLY SAID THAT!!!!! No corruption, no dignity, or no lust over anything. He’s just flat-out stupid.

That is part of the reason why no one goes to movies anymore. It’s because they’re written by a bunch of stupid Fuck faces!!!!

3. “We want Stephon Marbury!”
This is being said by way too many Minnesota sports fans lately. Now I haven’t followed the NBA in a couple years because it’s barely even a sport, but what I do know is that no one should ever want Marbury on their team. Especially not Minnesotans.

The guy is the biggest loser in all of sports. Every team this man has played on has went from good to bad just as he steps foot in the locker room. He tried so hard to play in New York and he’s fucking that whole situation up because he only cares about his own stats.

I remember when the Timberwolves actually had a great thing with Marbury, Garnett, and Gugliotta and how the team was soooooooo young. Then Stephon demands a trade because “it’s too cold here.” (yeah like New York is a big damn sauna) and how the city is not big enough for him AND Garnett. And how he forced the Wolves to trade him out-right for Terrell Brandon…ugh*.

*I believe it was a Marbury-for-Cassell-for-Brandon deal. What a trifecta trade from hell that was!

Friday, November 18, 2005

It's Friday Already!

When you call my name it's like a little prayer
I'm down on my knees, I wanna take you there
In the midnight hour I can feel your power
Just like a prayer you know I'll take you there


If you take a humble white guy who’s won one big game in his life and take a fifth string running back who shakes everyone’s hands after a touchdown, you have a what is called a Wisco orgy. Everyone who I have talked to from Wisconsin this week has been spooging over Samkon Gado.

“oh what a great story”
“What a team player”

Oh shut up! The way I see it, he’s just part of a long line of players that will probably tear an ACL. I don’t mean to be mean but didn’t Ahman Green and his backup, Najeh Davenport, and Javon Walker all have season ending injuries? All had injuries and I’ll just say it was with an ACL because that’s what it always is.

That said, it’s Packer week once again and this time it’s on Monday night. What disappoints me even more is that Culpepper wont be the starting quarterback so the packer fans can leave saying,
“Well at least we don’t have a N**** as a quarterback.”


*smiles* it just doesn’t get anymore dignified than that.

Picks

Philadelphia @ NY Giants
Not that I’m complaining, but why does the number one fox crew always broadcast this game? What is so sexy about this matchup? Oh and can we forget about mentioning about that former Eagles receiver for one god damn minute?
Giants 27 Eagles 13

Arizona @ St. Louis
Hahaha Denny Green really turned that Cardinals team around didn’t he. Bulger should have a good 600 yard passing game.
Rams 41 Cardinals 18

New Orleans @ New England
The Pats gotta be pissed for playing such mediocre football. They’ll whip ‘em good.
Patriots 33 Saints 10

Oakland @ Washington
I really like this game: Moss Vs. Moss. The game is at Washington, so they should whoop it up.
Redskins 27 Raiders 17

Pittsburgh @ Baltimore
*yawn*
Steelers 17 Ravens 10

Jacksonville @ Tennessee
Jags shut the crap out of the Titans
Jaguars 24 Titans 6

Tampa Bay @ Atlanta
Now that Tampa has Simms as their quarterback, they suck.
Falcons 20 Bucs 10

Carolina @ Chicago
Thank you Carolina defense! The only factor that allowed me to win the last couple weeks. I won by 3 points with Carolina scoring 18 points for me! Oh that was sweet, SWEET!
Carolina has to win again this week. They have to.
Panthers 21 Bears 3

Miami @ Cleveland
Great moments in fantasy fooseball history: Knowing that Santana Moss was going to play the tremendous Bucs defense I actually done the unthinkable, I benched Moss for Chris Chambers. Moss would’ve scored me 7 points. Chambers scored me 18.
It should also be known that I benched Portis for Tatum Bell and that was a bad decision.
Anyways…
Dolphins 20 Browns 17

Detroit @ Dallas
Ah the battle between the Thanksgiving whores before Thanksgiving.
Cowboys 27 Lions20

Seattle @ San Francisco
Okay Shone Alexander can stop scoring touchdowns at anytime now…
Alexander 31 49ers 13

Buffalo @ San Diego
*shudders* I don’t like this one too much.
Chargers 35 Bills 10

NY Jets @ Denver
This one sucks too….
Broncos 41 Jets 3

Indianapolis @ Cincinnati
Ah yes, the game of the week! The Colts are about due to lose any week now and I think the Bengals may be the best team to do the trick. I’m going to bet that Carson Palmer carves out the Colts defense.
Bengals 28 Colts 27

Kansas City @ Houston
Yuck
Chiefs 33 Texans 17

Minnesota @ Green Bay
Well the Packers did beat Atlanta on the road… Then again the Vikings beat the Giants on the road too.
Everyone expects Jesus to throw 4 touchdowns to Gado for this game. I’m thinking…
Bwahahahahhahah oh it’s too good.
Heh…. Hehehehehehehehehheeh bwehehehehehehehehehehehehehhehe
It’s gotta happen WAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
That’s right….

DARREN SHARPER: 5INTERCEPTIONS!!!!!
That would be awesome as all damn hell!

Packers 24 Vikings 10
Prove me wrong guys, prove me wrong

Table to come later…



EricHannesAliecat46,XYBoof
Philadelphia @ NY Giants
Eagles GiantsGiants Giants Giants
Arizona @ St. Louis
Cards Rams
Rams Rams
New Orleans @ New England
Saints Patriots
Patriots Patriots
Oakland @ Washington
Raiders Redskins
Redskins Redskins
Pittsburgh @ Baltimore
Steelers Steelers
Steelers Steelers
Jacksonville@ Tennessee
Jaguars Jags
Jaguars Jaguars
Tampa Bay @ Atlanta
BucsFalcons
Bucs Falcons
Carolina @ Chicago
Panthers Panthers
Panthers Panthers
Miami @ Cleveland
Dolphins Dolphins
Browns Dolphins
Detroit @ Dallas
Lions Cowboys
Cowboys Cowboys
Seattle @ San Francisco
Seahawks Seahawks
Seahawks Seahawks
Buffalo @ San Diego
Bills Chargers
Chargers Chargers
NY Jets @ Denver
Jets Broncos
Broncos Broncos
Indianapolis @ CincinnatiColts Colts
Bengals Bengals
Kansas City @ Houston
Chiefs Chiefs
Chiefs Chiefs
Minnesota @ Green Bay
Vikings Vikings
Packers Packers
Last Week9-5
9-5

10-4
8-6
Overall(79-65)(88-56)(1-0)(64-80)(84-60)

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Bits O Quick

How long is she gonna be around
And how long do we have to watch her dumb it down
Cause when its cheap it fades fast
And how long does she think its gonna last?


-It hasn’t been announced yet but team Frank M. (my fantasy football team) has turned things around a bit. Frank has gone 4-1 in the last five weeks and now I have the respectable record of 4-6 which looks a hell of a lot better than 0-5 and shit loads better than 0-8-1 or is it now 0-9-1?(bwahahahahaha)

-It was even more special this last weekend when I destroyed Raymond’s team, The Cosbys, with a 4th quarter field goal by David Akers. Raymond’s team was tied for first coming into the weekend and me coming from the dumps, it was very exciting! It was hard not to act like a complete jackass, so I didn’t even try to repress such actions.

-Speaking of respectable records, the Vikings are 4-5. ?????? How the hell did that happen?

-Wednesday is chicken day at the local grocery store and I’m a regular for their exquisite chicken. I noticed the flyers by the counter advertising their Thanksgiving dinner offer.
Turkey, Cranberry Sauce, Mashed Po’s, gravy…..pumpkin pie, and apple pie for $85. The dinner searves 8-10 but I figured that if my family really pissed me off for some weird reason, this would be a fantastic plan B.

I would take some plastic and spread it around my apartment, get a mega huge TV tray (actually I would take a card table from home or work and use that as my giganto tv tray) and then I would go to town on all that. Actually, I would probably tell them to pitch out a couple things and just give me more poto’s (’potos’ what a great nickname for potatoes) and gravy because that’s what usually work on every thanks giving.

Dreams: just make (preferably buy) a crap load of mashed potatoes and throw them all in the “clean” bathtub. Dump some gravy over that shit and before doing so, make sure you use the bathtub stopper so no precious gravy goes down the drain.

THEN, anything you eat could be dipped in your bathtub full of mashed potatoes and gravy. Also, if you would have guests that night, imagine the pleasant surprise as they use the bathroom to find a bathtub full of mashed potatoes and gravy? I know I would be excited!

-Pumpkin pie and Apple pie are two GREAT pies. I think a half pumpkin, half apple pie would just kick ass at Thanksgiving. OOOOOOOH can you imagine an apple pie made with those Honeycrisp apples?!? God damn I’m so hungry now.

-We’ve never made green bean casserole at thanksgiving and that’s always a bit of a surpize to others. Not me though, green bean casserole is alright but as far as I’m concerned it takes away from precious gravy time. I mean I like Pringles too but there’s a time and a place.

-Would orange pie be any good?

No…, no it wouldn’t.

-Those little hostess apple pie pockets are a disgrace to apple pie.

-Whatever happened to those tan colored M&M’s? I always kinda liked those because it was such an ugly color for candy and I really admired M&M’s to flick off the candy industry and have a shit tan color.

-bwahahahahahah Pom Pom is dressed as Walter Sobchak.

Here was my dream on Tuesday night/Wednesday morning

I was sitting in my apartment watching TV one night when I had a knock at my door. I answered it and it was my neighbor.
“What are you doing in my apartment” said the neighbor
“The hell are you talking about this is my apartment. See that’s my TV over there.” and when I looked back, my TV was there but half the furniture was missing and replaced by someone else’s.

“What the crap?!?” I blurted out. So I slept on the couch that night and when I woke up (yes, I was dreaming about me sleeping for a period of time and then me waking up) I was all confused, but my TV was still there.

What does that tell you?

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

What Snow?

One of these days I’m going to cut you into little pieces

Last night/morning I was stuck at work until 4am and my bright idea was to write down my loopy thoughts as I stare at the clock. I wrote, I looped out, and I worked. The result was about four comments of me craving Cheese Nips and wondering when the snow was going to fall.

I figured posting nothing would be 10x better than those awful ramblings (not that the “thought out” ones are that much better).

On Sunday night the top story on the news was this 4-8 inch “snow storm” that was going to hit the Twin Cities on Monday night. Everyone at work and at the gym was like,
“Oh man, get out your shovels because we’re going to get our first taste of snow tonight.” or
“Tomorrow’s morning commute will be a bitch because of all that snow that will hit.”. The weathermen were going crazy here and, like I said, they were advertising such a storm over 24 hours from when it would hit.

10pm- rain

Midnight-rain

2am-rain

4am-more rain

Then I came home and thought, ‘When I wake up at noon, everything will be white and glorious!’.
Woke up at noon, nothing. No snow, no sleet, not even one damn flake. Original snowfall prediction=4-8inchs. Actual snowfall=Not a god damn thing.

I was all set to put on my snow pants and boots to go sledding and have some hot chocolate, but NEEEOOOOOOOOO!!! We’ll not that I would’ve gone sledding or anything (I think my mom sold the old ski sled anyways) but I’d like to have the option at least.

Basically I just want revenge. I would like the FCC to throw a flag and punish the weathermen and news directors for over hyping something that was totally false. If we only had 1 inch of snow I would’ve said, ‘Well, they did say it was going to snow.’ and I wouldn’t even have any animosity toward anyone.

BUT NO SNOW?!?

If I were in charge of the FCC I would hand out penalties for the stations for wasting all that time on nothing. I would force then to show dead air for one hour just to teach a lesson or to no be so overly dramatic over nothing.

To me if it’s going to rain or snow, go the full nine and dump it on. Then I don’t have to waste my time on these piddily little 4inch things that come along.

Baaah

(Update: Okay, we finally got some snow)

Sunday, November 13, 2005

A "Higher" Entry

Drifting, drifting, drifting along.
I rid myself of worries, and the worries were gone.
I only run when I want to and I sleep like a dog.
I'm just drifting, drifting along.


Well I’ll be god damned.

The Vikings still didn’t score an offensive touchdown, they were dominated in total yards, playing outdoors, in the Meadowlands, against one of the best NFC teams and they managed to win.
THAT WAS CRAZY!!!! How the hell did they beat the Giants?!??!!

I’m still stunned!

Crap List

1. Notre Dame’s “higher” education
I can’t stand watching the Fighting Irish for a number of reasons, but the number one reason is for their shameless Jesus toting commercials. Every college commercial will feature the campus, notable areas of achievement, and a couple professors. Not Notre Dame, they have someone praying with a candle for admittance into the university.

I think I’m going to puke.

THEN, they show the tag line “A Higher Education” and they tilt the camera up to the blue sky as if Jesus was smiling right back at you.

(blink:blink)

So….apparently one is more “godly” or is more heaven bound if they shell out the cash to attend Notre Dame? It’s probably the center point as why so many people have a hatred for the university. What really makes me sick are the people that will fall for such a ridiculous and shallow advertisement.

If Notre Dame’s going to use that “card” I have a better idea,

Have a typical University-type advertisement showing all the aspects of college life except use Jesus as the new freshmen. That’s right, have the stereotypical Jesus walking around campus complete with sandals and backpack--heck, even throw in a pair of thick glasses while your at it. Throw in some Creed or Scott Stapp behind everything too.

Show the campus life with Jesus walking to class with a HUGE smile on his face and donning a Rudy-esque lettermen’s’ jacket. Then show Jesus sitting in class raising his hand to the world renown physics’ professor. Then show a Notre Dame football game where Jesus is the mascot and he’s doing the pushups to the Irish’s score. Finally, show Jesus walking out of the tunnel of Notre Dame stadium throwing his sweaty towel to a young kid along with some gold ticket that says “Admit one- Heaven”.

The End.

At least it wouldn’t be subtle.

2. The Housing market
I just don’t like it. I really don’t like anything associated with buying a house: mortgage companies, realtors, and almost all advice given to you by people who are thirty years older.

I collected a couple cards by more realtors and every mug shot looks so corny. Talking to realtors (at least the ones I have spoken with) seem so transparent. At least with buying a car there are ways to find objective information.

3. That “story” on the front page of Saturday’s Pioneer Press.
This ranks right up (or down) there with me announcing a missing coin purse when I worked at the Marshall radio station. On the front page of the Pioneer Press was a story about people loosing their money in a pop machine.

(blink:blink)
And the Pioneer Press “Watch Dog” was there to investigate said pop machine.

OH. MY. GOD.

Here’s an excerpt:

"I put two or three dollars in it sometimes, and nothing comes out," complained Leon Mastel, a junior at Harding.


On behalf of all post graduates who are living check-to-check,
WHY DO YOU CONTINUE TO USE THE FUCT UP MACHINE?!?!?!?!?!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There is a good ending to the “Watch dog” report because in the end, the vendors came and fixed the broken pop machine.

*head in hands*

Lately the local media has been rightfully criticized on how it creates and over hypes the news and the Pioneer Press has managed to do the opposite by presenting completely NON newsworthy type petty shit around the metro area. Isn’t there a mysterious blimp going around town or a crackdown on speeding on the freeways to attend to?

Hey Watch dog, Macaroni and Cheese gives me the shits, go and crack down on that one!

Friday, November 11, 2005

Gymless, No More

Once they met inside a dirty curtained room
And the rain fell down hard that day onto the tin roof
She said "I've seen you before, I've been looking for you
Better keep your heart close hunters are coming for you"

I think I have figured out my gym problem.
I do believe I’m going to say ‘fuck Maplewood community Center’ and say hello to their rival, North St. Paul community center.

Let me compare and contrast:


MaplewoodNSP
TrackYesYes
WeightsYesYes
Bball CourtsYesYes
PoolYesNo
Near Bike TrailYesYes
Distance5 miles4 miles
Cost$480$140


Hmmm….yeah I think the quest is over.

Picks

New England @ Miami
If I had been right on my picks when it came to the Patriots the last couple years they would be about 6-20 or something like that. Every time I would pick them to lose they would screw me over (except last week). This year the Dolphins have been taking the place of the Patriots. Therefore I’ll lose this game no matter what.
Dolphins 24 Patriots 20

Baltimore @ Jacksonville
Baltimore sucks Hannes’ ass
Jaguars 20 Ravens 6

Houston @ Indianapolis
Here’s should be a pretty good game. It should go right down to the wire and it will definitely come down to who has the ball last. Every yard will be hard fought and it will certainly come down to the defenses. Therefore,
Colts 45 Texans 13

Arizona @ Detroit
Next…
Cards 17 Lions 14

San Francisco @ Chicago
As much as I would like to pick the 49ers, I have to go with the bears…dammit
Bears 24 49ers 9

Kansas City @ Buffalo
I offered the guy in our league a can of pop for Larry Johnson and here was his response

***Tom: That sounds like a wonderful deal, but the more I think about it the can of pop will be gone shortly after I get it and then I won't have a running back or a can of pop for the rest of the season. Also you would probably come over to pay me, go down stairs and get a can of pop and bring it up to me, so that also makes me think it might not be worth it. I need a little more time to think it over though, so I will let you know by Friday if I decide to take you up on it. If you don't here from me the answer is N O !!!!!
Chiefs 27 Bills 17

Denver @ Oakland
This could be a really, really fun game. I’m thinking shootout or the Broncos destroy Oakland.
Broncos 31 Raiders 21

NY Jets @ Carolina
Everyone’s having a hard on about Carolina since they destroyed Chris Sims and the Bucs. If only the Bucs had drafted Major Applewhite…
Panthers 35 Jets 10

Washington @ Tampa Bay
Ugh, this could be a really slow game. Defensive overload.
Redskins 13 Bucs 10

St. Louis @ Seattle
Seahawks win
Seahawks 34 Rams 17

Green Bay @ Atlanta
Oh geez….
Falcons 27 Packers 13

Cleveland @ Pittsburgh
Sunday nights game? Bleh
Steelers 20 Browns 17

Dallas @ Philadelphia
Have you heard of the Terrell Owens story? IT’S PRETTY MUCH BEEN ON ESPN 24-7 FOR THE LAST TEN DAYS!!!!! Christ! The guy is done for the year and he’s a smart ass, dumb ass, and a loud ass. End of story!
Cowboys 24 Eagles 20

Minnesota @ NY Giants
This doesn’t have the makings of an ugly game, this WILL be an ugly game. This game will be a complete massacre and if there would be any game that would get Tice fired in the middle of the year, this is it. The Giants shut out a pretty decent Redskins team at the Meadowlands and the Vikings have not scored a meaningful* touchdown all year. Yucky, yucky, yucky!
Giants 41 Vikings 0

*meaningful touchdown = anything not scored in garbage time

Last week I got all but two picks right…So did Hannes *sigh*, so no ground gained.
Looking at this week's picks, we only selected one game differently. arrrggh!



Week 10
EricHannesAliecat46,XYBoof
New England @ Miami
Dolphins
Patriots

Patriots
Dolphins
Baltimore @ Jacksonville
Jaguars
Jaguars

Jaguars
Jaguars
Houston @ Indianapolis
Colts
Colts

Colts
Colts
Arizona @ Detroit
Lions
Cardinals

Lions
Cardinals
San Francisco @ Chicago
Bears
Bears

49ers
Bears
Kansas City @ Buffalo
Bills
Chiefs

Chiefs
Chiefs
Denver @ Oakland
Raiders
Broncos

Broncos
Broncos
NY Jets @ Carolina
Panthers
Panthers

Panthers
Panthers
Washington @ Tampa Bay
Bucs
Redskins

Bucs
Redskins
St. Louis @ Seattle
Seahawks
Seahawks

Seahawks
Seahawks
Green Bay @ Atlanta
Falcons
Falcons

Falcons
Falcons
Cleveland @ Pittsburgh
Steelers
Steelers

Steelers
Steelers
Dallas @ Philadelphia
Eagles
Cowboys

Cowboys
Cowboys
Minnesota @ NY Giants
Giants
Giants

Giants
Giants
Last Week(9-5)(12-2)(0-14)(11-3)(12-2)
Overall(70-60)(79-51)(36-94)(54-76)(76-54)

Thursday, November 10, 2005

I'm Gymless

She was a black-haired beauty with big dark eyes
And points all her own sitting way up high
Way up firm and high

Is it wrong to join a gym just for the ogling?

Recently my mother snitched me out on another year membership at the community center and now I’m gymless. Ten years ago when the community center was built my dad bought a family membership for dirt cheap. Every year since he’s simply just renewed the membership by checking a box when the renewal slip came in despite me and my brother being well into our 20’s now.

This year when the renewal slip came in the mail, my Mom told them a little too much information. It was just enough information that I arrived to the gym yesterday morning to,

Boof, sliding his card in the reader…
Woman: I’m sorry sir, it says your membership has been cancelled.
Boof: Well, I never cancelled it.
Woman: let me make a call…

Woman: Molly said that your mom came in yesterday and said that you don’t live at home anymore and that you would buy your own from now on.
Boof frowns and makes a fist: Oh she said that huh?

Family membership (for up to 6 members of the family): $420 (one flat fee for everyone)
A potential membership for me: $480

So I would be paying more than my dad, mom, and brother combined and I think they have been to the gym about 6 times in the last six years. I usually go three times a week!

Like hell I’m going to pay that much though. The community center has a ton of benefits; close, gateway trail, and a huge basketball court but a bunch of old people go there and now they‘re making me pay money (thanks mom).

Of course me leaving means that ‘the betty’ will be gone. forever However, I am banking on the notion that the higher priced, huge ass gym in Woodbury will have a higher proportion of hotties than the community center ever had.

Then again, it is $50 a month to get all *ALL* the amenities, towel service, and a potential plethora of hotties. I think it could be worth it.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Mmmm Furburgers

Heaven holds a sense of wonder
And I wanted to believe
that I'd get caught up
when the rage in me subsides

October 23, around 2am

A mostly sober Raymond Jennings, half drunken Hog, and a completely drunken Boof head into White Castle to trim the edge off of the snuff we had at the German bar.

Hog: Dude, I’m gonna get me some burgers
Boof: Fuck yeah man. I’M GONNA GEMME SOME FFFFFUCKIN CHEEESEBURGERS MAN!!!!

Raymond then steps up to the counter where, instead of the typical pissed off teenager or tired middle aged student, there was a little, gray haired sweet old lady. Boof stands right next to Raymond to hear what he’s going to order

Lady: Can I help you?

Boof: OOOH, OOOOH CHEESEBURGERS! GET CHEESEBURGERS!!

Raymond: Get your own. I’ll take a crave case of hamburgers.

[I must interject the ‘Harold and Kumar’ line: “yeah I’m craving burgers too, Furburgers”. I was too drunk to whip out such and ingenious line at the time]


Boof looking to Hog: CHEESEBURGERS!!! LET’S GET SOME CHEESEBURGERS!!!!


Lady apprehensively: Can I help you?

Boof: DAMMIT MANNN! GET SOME CHEESEBURGERS!!! THEY’RE SO FFFFFFUCKING GOOD!!!

Hog: I’ll take a sack of ten…

Lady: Would you like those with cheese?

At that moment Hog, Boof, and the sweet old lady all looked at each other, studying each other’s expressions. Time stood still for five seconds.

Hog: No thanks--
Boof: FAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCK!!!!!!!!

The old lady seemed exceptionally frightened by the man demanding cheeseburgers. Soon enough the Boofbeast was gone
*****

One of the worst things about the days after being drunk is the slow process of remembering everything that happened on that night. For instance I was driving home from work when I remembered shouting out,
“SHOCKER!!!!” about twenty times for-who knows why. Then there was that sweet old lady, I completely forgot all about her until last weekend.

Friday night after work I was sitting at home watching HBO when the ole stomach was growling. I didn’t have any *ANY* food in my apartment and I obviously needed to drive out to eat something.

That’s when I had the urge.

I’ve been mending a scab that had finally just turned into an ugly looking scar from my White Castle conquest during the Superbowl halftime show when I ate 24.5 white castles in less than twenty minutes. I had never had any since (except when I was drunk but that doesn’t count).
I figured it was time.

So I went at 2:30am where the typical after-bar crowd was sitting and I walked over to the counter where I instantly recognized the sweet old woman and she seemingly noticed me.

Awkwardness alert!

I was really hungry so I figured, ‘fuck it’ and ordered. I’m sure she was expecting a bobbing head with helpless cartoon “X’s” over my eyes and yelling. I knew this so I tried to be as polite as I could.

Lady: Can I help you?
Boof: yeah ah, I’d like a sack of ten
Lady: Cheeseburgers right?
Boof nervously looking around: Bingo.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

A Moment in Time

Standing in the dock at Southampton,
Trying to get to Holland or France.
The man in the mac said, "You've got to turn back".
You know they didn't even give us a chance.
Christ you know it ain't easy

Monday morning, 9am
The radio turns on and I slowly roll over to my other side as I listen to the morning opinions on the Vikings and any other news that is note worthy for the first half hour of a program.

"Now this is a story. It is reported that two Carolina Panther cheerleaders were arrested in Miami for battery after the two were having sex in the night club’s bathroom."

My eyes popped wide open and I quickly rolled over (carefully) to listen to some more of the story.

Actually that’s all you have to know, two NFL cheerleaders having sex together.

(blink:blink….BOING)

Forget the troops for the time being or any Monday morning quarterback discussions, this was going to dominated all news that had any part of a male demographic.

This news solidifies the hopes, dreams, daydreams, and (more importantly) our imaginations that we‘ve had for years . Never before have we (men) ever though such a scenario would ever play out.

It did though
This wasn’t just a bunch of fakey cheerleaders in some porno flick and this wasn’t Cinema’s ‘Tampa Bay Breastaneers'. This was real NFL cheerleaders! And they had sex with each other!

Simply amazing. I honestly couldn’t think straight--er… clearly today.

These two cheerleaders, although they have been terminated by the Panthers, just fucked themselves into a winning lottery ticket. Can you imagine the demand for such a simulated remake of the event?

Just to recap: Two NFL cheerleaders had sex with each other.

Outstanding!

Sunday, November 06, 2005

The Thing About that TGI Fridays Commercial

gave her love away
put it in my pocket when it should've been framed
oh, it lost its shine
gotta get this out of my head
out of my brain
how could it end,
end like this?

Great moments in blackjack history


After throwing down twenty dollars at the five dollar blackjack table (and losing all four chips in six hands) Boof, the conservative gambler, decides to spend more money and thus, risking losing precious Doritos money.

With only two-five dollar chips left on the table a pair of 8’s were dropped and the dealer showing a “6”. One always splits aces and 8’s and I did. First card laid down after splitting was another 8, so with my last chip I split another set of 8’s. I was expecting to leave the casino broken down and mentally beaten by “the system”. Luckily the dealer busted (as anticipated) and not only was I back in the game, but I was up ten bucks too!

Next hand: black jack

Next hand: same. Exact. Scenerio as above (right down to the cards). Same result

Next hand: dealer black jack (god dammit)

Next hand: black jack

Next hand: Again, splitting two 8’s and the third coming right away. This time I won two of the three hands.

It happens that fast and within an hour this conservative gambler left after winning $40.

Well, it was WAY more dramatic to me anyways.

Crap List

1. People who talk cards
It must be impossible because there is no way to convey the drama or the sweating that is involved with a gambler with a tight ass. Like anyone really cares about how I split 8’s three times in a row (unless you were really on the edge of your seat and screamed, “OH MY GOD, THE DEALER BUSTED! BOOF IS STILL ALIVE!!!!” because that’s what I was thinking). It was actually a thing of magic because supposedly the table was not having any luck. That is, until I arrived.
Like a damn blackjack champion, I hit on everything that needed hitting, I stayed whenever the time called, I also didn’t kill myself by staying one hand too long just to fill my urge to grab another five bucks.

No, I came, I won, I left. It’s the perfect blackjack scheme. Get it, win, and get out.

2. That TGI Fridays commercial
I’m talking about the one where the guy is at the bar and then finds out his wife is there too. Then they both find out the grandmother is there with the kids. I find this completely fucked up because it’s not like they are exactly glad to see each other. Let me describe what I’m talking about.

Father: A man who screwed up in life. He found the job at the refinery at 17, dropped out of high school, and knocked up Peggy Sue in the local Burger King dumpster. Now ten years later, he’s still stuck with Peggy and with their two kids. He works long, 70 hour weeks only to come home to Peggy who screams and nags at him for working so long. Little does she know that 70 hours a week doesn’t even cover all their bills. Despite that, she doesn’t even provide him any meals when he comes come after a long day at the refinery.
His kids have already stopped respecting him and have grown toward his mother in law. Family life sucks.
Peggy Sue: She doesn’t make her husband any food because he hits her. Not in the typical bitch slap across the face but with a fly-swatter for at least twenty minutes. That’s just gross knowing all the flies and other bugs that have been killed with such an instrument. She tries to take care of the kids as much as she can, but with all the child abuse laws enforced, there’s nothing she can do.

The father needs to go to the local bar, TGI Fridays (yeah, I know that’s pretty weak) just to get away from his shithole in life.

The mother needs some time out with her girl friends just so she doesn’t go insane/

And the mother in law is just plain clueless. The kids were the ones that decided (and drove) to TGI Fridays.

The father then sees the mother laughing with her girlfriends. Their eyes meet and shock instantly jolts their heart because now they are together again and in public. The father comes over to awkwardly greet his wife (who he beats up with a fly-swatter) and they then find out that their kids are present with the in law.

The dysfunctional family is now in public and mommy and daddy are now drunk with nothing to hold them back.

This is not a TGI Fridays commercial, this is a fucked up family in a small Wisconsin town…with a TGI Fridays.

3. Those Tostitos commercials
The one where four people are gathered around a bag of chips and the one guys spends 2 minutes describing the chip. Then the woman says,
“Can we finally eat them? Hahaha”

What kind of a scenario is that where people are sitting at a table with a bag of chips? And why does he have to stop talking in order for the others to dig in?

That commercial makes no sense at all.

Friday, November 04, 2005

Since We're Talking About Burritos...

We make all of our sons the same
Every one will suffer the fire we've made
They all explode just the same
And there's no going back on the plans we've made


I must admit I think I may have been stumbling into geniuscity when I thought of a burrito made out of a Totinoes party pizza. For some odd reason the idea of taking those ultra cheap “pizzas” and throwing a bunch of crap inside may end up being delicious.

Lets see what I can do.
Iron Chef Boof style

The Magical Boof Burrito (PATENT PENDING)

1-party pizza (any kind)
A bunch of REAL sausage
Seasoning salt
1-can of gravy (or barbeque sauce)
1-bag of Colby jack shredded cheese (or whatever cheese you like)
Black pepper
1-grilled bratwaurst
1-Sunday newspaper (for the mess)


Then just throw all that onto the baked pizza and roll the pizza around it. Actually you could throw whatever you want on top of the pizza and you could have a fantastic disaster.

No doubt it would leave a mark and it would have you screaming on the thunder bucket, but god damn, it kinda sounds good.

Because I am such an innovator in demexicanizing Mexican food, I’m in the process of coming up with an ice cream burrito.

Picks

Carolina @ Tampa Bay
What the fuck? Tampa loses to the 49ers 15-10? I guess Chris Simms sucks ass. In that case Carolina goes off on them
Panthers 31 Bucs 10

Houston @ Jacksonville
Jacksonville’s defense alone will win this game.
Jags 24 Texans 6

Cincinnati @ Baltimore
What a wild card the Ravens are. They’ll lose to the damn Browns but then put up a competitive game against the Steelers.
Bengals 24 Ravens 13

Atlanta @ Miami
My upset special of the week. I have faith in the dolphins and none in Michael Vick.
Dolphins 21 Falcons 17

San Diego @ NY Jets
Jets don’t have a prayer.
Chargers 48 Jets 20

Tennessee @ Cleveland
Damn, perhaps the AFC south and the NFC north should pool their resources.
Titans 31 Browns 24

Oakland @ Kansas City
Oooooh this could be fun.
Chiefs 38 Raiders 28

Seattle @ Arizona
Chone Alexander runs over everyone.
Chone 35 Cards 7

Chicago @ New Orleans
Bears have won three in a row and SOMEONE has to lead the North.
Bears 20 Saints 6

NY Giants @ San Francisco
It pains me to say this but Eli should have an absolute monster day in this one. It wont even be funny.
Giants 42 49ers 9

Pittsburgh @ Green Bay
May as well be the badgers in Lambeau.
Steelers 27 Packers 21

Philadelphia @ Washington
I think the Eagles are overrated and I think the Skins will come out pissed off that they were shut out last week.
Redskins 27 Eagles 17

Indianapolis @ New England
Patriots just keep getting lucky and so does MNF. Not a bad matchup for a change.
Colts 30 Patriots 22

Detroit @ Minnesota
Arrrgh. Brad Johnson Vs. Joey Harrington. Yuck. If anything the Vikings have actually been competitive at home. I can’t take it anymore. I’m calling it. A VIKINGS WIN!!!!
Vikings 18 Lions 17

Last week Ron kicked all our asses in picks.



Week 8
EricHannesAliecat46,XYBoof
Carolina @ Tampa Bay
Panthers
Panthers

Panthers
Panthers
Houston @ Jacksonville
Texans
Jaguars

Jaguars
Jaguars
Cincinnati @ Baltimore
Ravens
Bengals

Ravens
Bengals
Atlanta @ Miami
Falcons
Falcons

Falcons
Dolphins
San Diego @ NY Jets
Chargers
Chargers

Chargers
Chargers
Tennessee @ Cleveland
Titans
Titans

Titans
Titans
Oakland @ Kansas City
Chiefs
Raiders

Chiefs
Chiefs
Seattle @ Arizona
Cards
Seahawks

Seahawks
Seakawks
Chicago @ New Orleans
Bears
Bears

Bears
Bears
NY Giants @ San Francisco
Giants
Giants

Giants
Giants
Pittsburgh @ Green Bay
Packers
Steelers

Steelers
Steelers
Philadelphia @ Washington
Redskins
Redskins

Redskins
Redskins
Indianapolis @ New England
Colts
Colts

Patriots
Colts
Detroit @ Minnesota
Vikings
Vikings

Vikings
VIKINGS!
Last Week(9-5)(9-5)(0-14)(10-4)(8-6)
Overall(61-55)(67-49)(36-80)(43-73)(64-52)