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Tuesday, January 31, 2006

until next time.

I'm being swamped with some crazy awesome things.

hopefully I can shed some light.

Tackling the Tough Issues

For's the only life
That I've ever known
And love is only one fine star away
Even though the living
Is sometimes laced with lies
It's alright...

I have been continuously frustrated the last couple months over the common debate of Pro Choice vs. Pro Life. I guess it’s come to a pinnacle with Roe V Wade being the HUGE issue over the appointment over a Supreme Court Justice because it seems that the center issue is abortion and the reversal of Roe V. Wade.

Now comes the debate.

When it comes to most debates, I can understand and see both sides and the opposing view. In this debate, I just cannot see it and understand it so bare with me if you disagree.

I am completely pro choice if nothing more than for a mother (or couple) to have more choices in case an accident happens. It’s simply the freedom of having an abortion or not.

Pro Lifers believe that it’s a complete moral issue and that it’s the act of killing a human after conception.

Here’s my misunderstanding, if it’s a moral issue then shouldn’t it stick to the families with specific morals? I know my family has completely different morals from other families and in no way do I expect others to follow my own personal morals, so why legislate it? Morals are basically ethics with religion involved and last time I checked, there are many different religions in the US, so why legislate it?

I just cannot see how someone who is against abortion to try to force their beliefs on others? If you’re pro life and you get knocked up, DON’T HAVE AN ABORTION! Why is it more complicated than that? But no, it is more complicated because some people are so afraid that Miss Whore will just use abortion as a form of birth control. If that’s the case, WHO THE FUCK CARES? It’s Miss Whore’s life if she wants to screw up her body by having 6 abortions, that’s her right. Let her become sterile for all I care.

Apparently it seems that Miss Whore should have the kids as a form of punishment (punishment, is that how we value life?) and Miss Whore should then raise a kid she never even wanted because other people have certain morals. That makes little sense to me.

It’s also a sin to have an abortion. Well then don’t commit a sin. In fact, if that’s the route you’re going to go, what about the whole ‘wait until marriage thing’? Then to go farther on down, what ever happened to the ‘don’t even fucking think about divorce’ thing? It seems that society sins enough and to rank sins is a little fucking ridiculous.

And then the idea that killing an embryo is murder. What the hell is that about? Do you talk to the embryo? Do you value it’s opinion on domestic trade? My point is that there is no mind, no brain, and no feelings so what’s the problem?

I just don’t understand why people want to remove the choice of abortion simply because it breaks their own personal rules of a higher power and their own morality.

Then we have the classic rebuttals,

Well, what if you were aborted? Ah, what kind of a stupid fucking question is that? What if I decided to eat a turkey sammich instead of a ham sammich?

So you want to legislate murder? Well, I don’t consider it murder and I don’t believe in the government to legislate people to moral prison in having a kid they don’t want.

I do have to admit that it kinda scares the crap out of me that it seems that the only important issue when appointing a Supreme Court Justice is their view on abortion and overturning Roe Vs. Wade.

I don’t know, sorry to offend anyone. I just am troubled by this topic.

Monday, January 30, 2006

Time to Crap

I hope you got this message. Oh, your not home.
I could be there in ten minutes, or so.
Oh, I got my things.
We'll make it up as we go along.
Oh, with you I could never be alone.

Before I get started with my organized bitching, I would like to invite yall to my friend’s “Myspace” band page. Feel free to listen and enquire about…things.

Crap List

1. People who leave their caps on during the national anthem
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those crazy psychos that believes you should blindly ally with the president or else you’re “one of them”, but just take off your fucking cap please. There’s always those guys that will not even think about taking off their cap because their bald or they have ugly hat hair or something. In that case they deserve ridicule because of how self conscience they are.
Really, this isn’t middle school anymore and I doubt some sick son of a bitch will point and say,
“Look, that guy is dreadfully bald.” or
“Someone with hat hair like that should be hung in front of city hall.”

I mean we all don’t live in North Dakota. Bwahaha

2. Poker shows at 3am
Why I feel compelled to watch professional poker players at 3am is beyond me but I’m hooked. I’m constantly doing the “put yourself in his place” thing and trying to figure out what sort of smart remark I would give Phil Hellmuth if he would say anything.
So I watch poker all of last week and finally test my skills on Saturday night. Yeah, that totally didn’t work to my advantage and I pulled a Peyton Manning and lost right away in both games.

3. Hollywood’s refusal to bring in decent writers.
There’s a reason that the movie industry is going down the toilets. No, mp3’s have nothing to do with it, nor do bootlegging and home theatre systems.
The reason all movies suck is because the writing is beyond atrocious and it’s as obvious as Sarah Jessica Parker winning the Horse of the Year trophy. There used to be good movies all the time and the summer blockbusters were very good.
Now they bring out the Pacifier, Legally blond 2, Kangaroo Jack, anything with Paul Walker, and complete mindless action films.
Who the hell is going to pay $9 a ticket to see this crap? Do the directors and producers ever ask themselves that? How many sequals have to come out before someone important realizes that the Fast and the Furious is complete crap and car shows are usually cheaper (and more realistic) than that stupid crap? These are movies that are costing over $60 million to make and yet they have NO realistic or interesting story behind them.

Miss Congeniality 2? By releasing this movie you are taking away all of the male demographic and any woman who doesn’t go out of their way to buy pink clothing.

4. Superbowl commercials
Same thing goes for Superbowl commercials, bad writing. There used to be a time where the commercials were bigger than the game. People would actually watch a program for the commercials! It was a sales department dream and somehow it ended.

Pepsi: Thank you Pepsi with coming out with the most lame commercials ever. It seems that you can identify a Pepsi commercial within the first second with the over use of the color blue and some catchy song from the 60’s. Pepsi has struggled for years to come up with a catchy slogan to try and catch up with Coke and it has suffered. Pepsi, no cute kid, superstar, or athlete drinking a Pepsi is going to ever be worth the $2M you spend unless you hire someone who knows a shit.

McDonalds: same goes to you too. With your dependency in trying to be cute it just doesn’t work. Everyone knows you sell death burgers. All you really need to do is have a close up of a double cheeseburger. No characters, not even any writing. Just a juicy double cheeseburger is all you need to show.

Mastercard: the “priceless” thing is giving every non-funny person an easy ‘how-to’ joke. I stopped laughing 5 years ago when I saw the second commercial. Please, give us something new. You’re a credit card company so we know it wont be cute but just give us something other than “priceless”.


And that’s all I can think of right now.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

1/26 Bits

Who was breaking away from the pack
Who was only a stranger at home
Who was ground down in the end
Who was found dead on the phone
Who was dragged down by the stone

-I had my interview the other day for that environmental voluntary position and everything seemingly went well. I had four members of the city council--and not the committee that I was applying for--interview me for a seat. After five minutes of answering some easy open ended questions, I made my way back home.

The announcement was going to be presented at the city council meeting later that night so I actually watched the announcement on tv and bam, got the job which is kinda cool.
I actually have a job (even though it’s voluntary) in what I went to school for.

-Kobe scores 81
People are saying that this is one of the best performances ever. Well….
While I agree that if you’ve got a hot hand, shoot the ball as much as possible and he definitely had the hot hand last night, it just seems a little boring and irritating to me to know that a defense is letting him do this. It’s also irritating to pay money and watch someone score 81 god damn points. At what point do you just throw your hands up and say,
“For the love of god, cover the man!” or “Lemme guess, Kobe shoots and scores. Yay (clap…clap).”

Without a doubt Wilt Chamberlain scoring 100 points in one game is a huge accomplishment but watching the game would have to be like someone watching me play Madden ‘95 where I would just try to see how high of a score I could rake up with Deion Sanders’ 15 speed, onside and grabbing the ball every time, and running the hook and ladder. Tangent: I had him down for like 20 TD and 1500 yards in many games. Some games were competitive (in that I would try to score 200 points before the clock ran out) but I wouldn’t exactly call it game breaking stuff.

Kobe wasn’t even playing NBA Jam that night.

I was watching a documentary on Titanic the other day and it got me thinking about all those Irish workers who worked so hard on the vessel. Just imagine being one of those Irishmen spending years of your life building what would become the biggest object made by the hands of man. So you spend a couple years going to the same dock working on the same structure until the ship is complete. You take a Saturday afternoon to take a hard look and what you worked so hard to create. You’ve been working endless 60 hour weeks sacrificing your health and body busting your ass for the White Star Line and now you have some proof that the past couple years haven’t been wasted. It’s definitely something to tell your grandchildren about.

Then a couple days later after the maiden voyage you find out that the entire structure is sitting at the bottom of the ocean.
Bwahaha It’s gotta be like building a house and then a Tornado comes and takes it away before the carpet is even installed.

-My Mom told me that one time when I was a kid I was playing at Lake Phalen Park (where my parents would take me and my bro to cool off) where I approached a large looking man walking along the lakeside. I darted in front of the guy and made him stop in his tracks. I then pointed at him and said,
“You’re faaaaaaaaat.” and then proceed with my running around and throwing sand.

Apparently that man was Louie Anderson.

I don’t know if that story is true or not because she’s also told me that my first word was “McDonalds” which may or may not be true.

-5.1 sound
You know you can actually take out the announcers audio track while watching a football game with 5.1 surround? All you need to do is unplug the center speaker and--WHAM! No more Joe Buck. I tried this last weekend and it’s fucking awesome. Without the announcers you can have a better feel for the atmosphere. You can hear the PA announcer, the actual fans, and even a bit of the audio from the camera that hovers above the huddle.

My gift to you…if you have 5.1.

-I’m at the point now where if there’s someone I know that I haven’t seen in over a year, I’ll just flat out ignore them. Late night I’m going shopping for some chips when I see a face from my boy scout days. This kid (now guy) was the biggest goody-goody ever and I fucking hated his dad with a passion (no, he didn’t rape me) but he was number one on my personal crap list for a good portion of my life. Anyway I see this guy at the checkout counter and he’s waiting for his girlfriend to get off of work. His girlfriend was having trouble at the counter and it took about 20 minutes to get everything situated. All I wanted was my god damn Fritos and not any bullshit small talk so I neglected him as much as I could. I noticed he gave me that look like,
“I think I know you…” but I wasn’t going to have any of that.
Funk dat.

-My blog has been linked to some crazy site that brings people to one of my archives from last April. I have no damn clue where these people are coming from. Someone told me that it was in reference to me saying “Big large poofy asses” or something. I guess that sounds about right.

-Someone was telling me that if Sarah Jessica Parker was in bed that, despite how emotional I get about her ugliness, I wouldn’t kick her out of bed.
Let me paint a picture,
I’m going through some killer REM sleep when I suddenly wake up and I notice someone across the bed from me. I put my arm around her ready to spoon when she turns around. That’s when my groggy eyes turn wide open and say,

“I’m never drinking again. EVER!”

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Brief Glory Road Review

I think about you all the time
But I don't need the same
It's lonely where you are
Come back down
And I won't tell 'em your name

I had another glorious night off and I decided to see what was showing at the local cinema. I usually don’t attend any movie theatres anymore because it’s over $8 to see what crap Hollywood has decided to go with. I heard some good things about Glory Road and I’ve watched college basketball for almost 20 years, so I decided to catch shell out the money.
Glory Road is about the Western Texas basketball team which is famous for being one of the first schools to recruit African American players. I’m interested with movies that have racial tension so I though it could be decent.

I guess it started out sour when I accidentally called it “Glory Hole” when purchasing my ticket. I left the ticket booth with the stupidest look ever and proceeded to the correct theatre.

The movie wasn’t that bad but if you’ve seen Remember the Titans and Miracle you’ve probably seen this movie already. There first 75% of the movie is slow, predictable, and less than what I thought. The end is pretty good.

Regardless if you’ve seen Remember the Titans and Miracle you still might want to see this movie if you dislike the Kentucky basketball team. Kentucky and their coach, Adolph Rupp act as the singular antagonist. I don’t hate Kentucky basketball I just can’t stand most of their fans (except Ashley Judd of course) and the fact that they win every damn year.

All in all I seriously didn’t think it was worth the $8 and it’s just another Hollywood disappointment. No doubt the game was one of the greatest college games ever but this movie didn’t portray it that well in my opinion.

Anyway I give it three out of five thumbs down.

Shopping With Daddy

You can relax on both sides of the tracks
And maniacs don't blow holes in bandsmen by remote control
And everyone has recourse to the law
And no-one kills the children anymore.

October 1999 SSU Casa Futura room 6

I was fumbling around on my computer with my door open when my freshman roommate Joe, stops by. Joe and I pretty much hated living together, but we were decent friends even after that crappy freshman year.

“What are you up to?” Joe asked
“I’m just surfin the net.” I said with a sigh
“Yeah, have you heard of Napster?”
“Nah what’s that?”

And that’s when Joe proceded to download the program and info needed for me to download napster. I didn’t know what it did or what he was doing. Joe was really *really* good at computers and everything having to do with them so I didn’t ask any questions.
As he was tapping away on the keyboard and saving things he would give me this walkthrough of what it would do.
“Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And this blah blah,blah, blah.” was how I would understand it coming from Joe.

Finally everything seemed done and sat there waiting at the computer,
“Alright, what song do you want?”
“Song?” I said.
“yeah I can get you any song you want in one minute in cd quality.”
“Ah….um….. Like a Prayer!” It was the first song that came to my head because I had never heard of such heavenly technology before.
“Ah what? No, I’m gonna give you some Limp Bizkit.” and that’s when he typed the name and pressed enter. Within a minute of high speed school network service, the song was being played over my computer and saved.

That’s when it hit. That’s when I figured I could find any song I wanted. The feeling was heavenly and I couldn’t wait to start downloading.
It was a lot like me being very little and going grocery shopping with my dad.

I remember being a wee toddler sitting in that seat thing by the shopping cart handle bars. Usually my Mom would take me grocery shopping but this time it was my dad for some reason. One main difference was my Mom would carefully stroll through all the aisles starting from the first and weave her way until she reached the end. My dad would haphazardly go from aisle 3 to 14 to 7 then back to 11 and 2 but that was okay because I loved spending time with my Dad.

It was at the produce section when my Dad taught me a valuable lesson. He reached out to grab a cherry and actually ate it in the store.
“Daddy, don’t you have to buy that? I asked curious.
“Naw, I need to taste the cherry to see if it’s good to buy.” he replied
“Can I have one?” and to his approval I leaned over and grabbed a cherry and stuck it in my mouth. I was then wondering what I should do with the pit and that’s when I saw my dad spit his on the grocery store floor. I then did the same. I grabbed another cherry, and another, and some more yet. Pretty soon the floor was full of pits.

The next time I went grocery shopping my my Mom, she stopped to buy cherries and I ate one. She slapped my hand and yelled at me,
“Naughty! That’s very naughty! You have to pay for that!”
“Daddy said I could and he had more than me!”
She had this distant stare and proceeded to move on to the grocery shopping.


Napster was my cherries (er it was my dad leaving the cart next to the cherries or wait…). It hit me hard and I downloaded, and downloaded, and grabbed damn near 500 songs until I reached the point where I downloaded everything that I thought of. 500 was a lot but it was a far cry from my roommates 2000 or so.
Oh it was great. I could have any album I wanted including bootlegs, outtakes, audio files of anything.

Since those great Napster days I haven’t downloaded anything because of the RIAA crackdowns, pay for such downloading, and Lars but I have found something similar and more legal.

It was last week when I signed up to join a Pink Floyd “Hub”. I logged on and it was very similar outlook to the old Napster. A “Hub” is a specialized network of buddies where you can trade “information”. In this case it’s bootlegs of Pink Floyd concerts and other acts. There’s no money involved and no ones taking any profits away from anyone, it’s just sharing.

Ummm……there’s like 300 concerts on this hub that I can download from any era.

It’s like me working at a cherry factory and getting all the bruised ones… or something

Monday, January 23, 2006

Painting Crap

You know you you can't stop it, so don't rock it
You know you got it
Hey, but are you gettin' it?
Ooh, really gettin' it?
Come get it from me

Man those s games yesterday kinda sucked.

Crap List

1. People who fall through the ice.
This has been one of the warmest summers ever. It hasn’t even dropped below 0 yet and we are coming out of the coldest stretch of the year. Since the beginning of Christmas temperatures have been above normal and whenever it drops below freezing, it’s something to make note of.
Despite all that people are still being idiots about ice fishing and nearly every day we’re hearing about someone being rescued out of some nearby lake. I have an idea, lets not save those people at all. Lets just hope that they packed a life preserver and will find a way out. It’s natural selection at its best.
Above all that, people will still drive vehicles on the ice way too early in the year. Not just Geos but half ton pickup trucks at that! Between the weather, numerous signs, and common sense there really is no excuse.

Here’s exactly what I would do if I were a sheriff.

Yeah that’s what I’d do!

2. Tree hugger!
So some guy will be dumping oil in a nearby lake or simply throwing trash on the ground. You walk up to him and tell him,
“Hey, please pick that up. There’s a trash can over there.” He then retaliates with,
“Pff whatever. You stupid tree hugger!”

Now I don’t consider myself to be an “environmentalist” at all because I believe they are the crazy people that climb trees and live in them and don the dreadlocks. Nothing wrong with those people but they may interpret things a little differently.
What I’m talking about is the common sense issues when it comes to the environment. Like dumping couches on the side of the road or not checking your boat for mussels. That’s the kind of ignorance I’m talking about and when you confront them about it their retaliation is simply to yell “tree hugger” as if that justifies their extreme laziness.
That’s the argument they give: don’t do that--tree hugger. And you can’t even get them to think about anything.


Here’s another painting.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Let's Just Get the Hell Outta Here.

The TV, she talks to me.
Breaking news and building walls.
Selling me, what I don't need.
I didn't know soap made you taller.

So I’ll be watching a movie on my DVD player and now at any given moment the picture freezes, the remote is no fucking good, and the only thing I can do is unplug the damn thing. It happens to every DVD I throw in there and the player is only about 9 months old.

So I look on the AVS forum to see what the techies recommend as a decent up-converting DVD player. It was easy to find because everyone was gushing, panting, and overcome with pleasure to the Panasonic S77. The picture supposedly crystal, the sound phenomenal, HDMI output was exceptional, and the price was not overwhelming.

I saw this information and immediately started locking in on purchasing this great piece of equipment and simultaneously dreamt about discarding my current DVD player like it were some stupid stepchild.

The next morning I walked in the store, located the S77, and bought it without spending 15 minutes in the store. Everything was in order and back home I went.

Hooking up a DVD player is the ridiculously easy because it’s just a matter of plugging in a couple cables. It may get a little more difficult in hooking up optical digital and HDMI cables but that’s if you’re making excuses.

I got everything hooked up and I turned it on. The s77 lights up in the beautiful blue display and say “Welcome to DVD World” whatever that means but it certainly felt like I was going to a special cinematic place. I placed Kill Bill in the player and began watching this beautiful picture and the audio was great.

Five minutes later the screen went black and some problem code came up. “gaaaaaawwwwwd DAMMIT!!!!” I yelled as I started pumping my fists. Apparently my Toshiba television didn’t care for my new Panasonic DVD player and started pouting at each other. I yelled and yelled at the corner of my room but nothing would make these two pieces of equipment get along. I used the S-video that night to test out the DVD player but S-video…just isn’t good enough. I mean S-video?! ugh

So I took the beloved s77 back and got something not as good but it works, so I guess It’ll have to do. I’m going to miss going to “DVD World” and seeing all those pretty blue colors but I had to do what I had to do. As for the old DVD step-child, I plan on dropping it off a really, really big building.


Last week… sucked really bad and I went 1-3. But let me explain myself.

Washington/Seattle: That game came down to field position and Hasselback got lucky on a couple of those throws. Not to mention that there were a TON of holding calls that were not called. I don’t know if there was one holding call all day.

New England/Denver: Yeah I got this all wrong. I didn’t watch it but I’m gonna blame it on the liberal media somehow, someway.

Pittsburgh/Indianapolis: Peyton Manning has been compared to Daunte Culpepper in these parts for his incompetence in the playoffs. It’s quite an interesting debate because the arguments are very similar for both sides. Conservative media on this one.

Caralina/Chicago: I’m awesome.

Carolina @ Seattle
I still think Seattle is soft but I also don’t think Carolina is all that good either. Yeah Steve Smith took off against Chicago but it was against Chicago. They had a good defense in the regular season against the Lions and Packers but not against a playoff team.
Then Matt Hasselback, what a an asshole this guy is. A great asshole. I rememeber when he was playing the Packers in the playoffs a couple years ago. When the game went into overtime and he had to call the toss he says,
“Heads, we’re gonna win!” over the PA system at Lambeau. Because I hate the packers, I thought that statement was both arrogant and awesome at the same time. He still has that arrogance but I appreciate it because I know if he happens to beat Carolina on Sunday that either Denver or Pittsburgh will crush him and the Seahawks. In fact I wouldn’t mind him cocking off in Ford Field in front of a billion people. It will be something to watch for. Cock it all away Matt Hasselback
Seahawks 24 Panthers 21

Pittsburgh @ Denver
This is pretty much the Superbowl as far as I’m concerned. Both fan bases are completely crazy and both teams are fucking awesome. But how the hell does one go against the Steelers? They beat Cincinnati on the road (granted, they ended Palmer’s career on his first snap) and they beat the almighty Colts in Indianapolis. That’s one hell of a track record.
Then for Denver they are an unbelievable underdog according to the media. Last week Denver didn’t win, the Patriots just simply lost the game instead according to the media. In fact there are still a ton of god damn idiots that believe that the Colts and Patriots are still the two best teams in football.


Steelers will get the ball with the lead with 5 minutes to go in the 3rd quarter and still somehow manage to eat the rest of the 3rd and 4th quarters up.

Steelers 20 Broncos 18

As for the fantasy team, Frank M is on their last legs. I’m playing an opponent that actually has a kicker, quarterback, and a decent WR. All I’m left with is a couple defenses and a couple crappy, bottom of the barrel, athletes.

Basically I’m coming into the games this weekend thinking that I’m the ‘80 USA team going against the powerful and hated Soviets.

Thursday, January 19, 2006


don't even think about getting inside
voices in my head. Ooh, voices
I got scratches all over my arms
one for each day since I fell apart

-Someone brought up the question, ‘which was the more devastating loss: Colts with their loss to Pittsburgh or the Vikings in 1999 against Atlanta.


Wuh? No doubt to any Colts fan that last Sunday’s loss was bad but lets not go overboard. That was the Colt’s first playoff game this year and they were playing the Steelers which are probably the best 6 seed ever.

The vikes in 1999, on the other hand…

***Warning to Vikes fans, this will hurt***

-Came into the game 16-1
-were (and still are) the highest scoring offense in history.
-Kicker never missed one field goal or extra point all year.
-lost their only game by three points in Tampa Bay.
-Just waxed Arizona in the Divisional round by twenty points (or something).
-Were favored to beat Atlanta by (was it 13 points)?
-were playing at home.

Not to mention the Vikings were ahead the entire game.

Hog could tell you better than anyone (since he was actually there) that the 1999 Vikings NFC Championship game was head above shoulders much worse.

-My subscription to Maxim is now up and I’m putting that in the category of stupid magazines. I used to get Rolling stone and that got old really fast. Then I got ESPN the magazine and that was… ugh. Then I got Entertainment through that stupid Best Buy free issues crap. You know, the deal where you get 6 free issues and then you forget to unsubscribe and they make you pay $30 or something.

Two years ago Maxim seemed really good then I started getting issues with Nikki Hilton on the cover and other ugly no-names. Not to mention that the articles were just completely stupid and geared toward dumb fraternity dudes. I want to go with a new mag but I don’t know what to subscribe to. I could go toward the “high class” porn with Playboy, but I don’t know. I’m actually thinking of getting a newsmagazine like Time or Newsweek but I don’t know the difference between the two.

-Is it wrong of me to ask for one extremely cold ass day? I mean I want something memorable like ten years ago when it was -30 and it simply hurt to go outside. I want something where you’re up at night and you hear the window creak and go, “bwahahaha damn, it’s like scary cold.”
I want the type of cold where weathermen go insane and governors say,
“Damn, we should probably cancel school around the state today.” Cold like when ski slopes actually have a "ski at your own risk" sign posted everywhere.

I just want it for a couple days is all. Enough to make me think that winter actually happened this year.

-Conversely, I want a couple days in the summer where it breaks the 100 degree mark. Just for shits and giggles.

-If it is going to repeatedly stay at 35-40 degrees then lets have a huge college basketball tournament or something. It feels like March madness type weather outside and I want to start rooting against Duke.

-It also feels like I should be heading to Vegas sometime soon.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Commissioner Boof

Did you see the frightened ones?
Did you hear the falling bombs?
The flames are all gone, but the pain lingers on.

I may have finally found something I can do that benefits with a Natural Resources degree. Next week I am interviewing for a seat on the local environmental commission. It’s strictly a voluntary position with the community where nine people sit high and mighty at the city hall chambers and vote “aye or nay” on a number of local issues. I’ve worked with a couple commissions around the Twin cities before and it’s definitely something that would make me appreciate my BS degree a little more.

Currently there are two seats open and three people have signed up to be interviewed. In one of the emails I received, they actually included the applications of all applicants (I have no idea if that was intended or not). One applicant seems to be an older woman who has an appreciation for the community and environment which is commendable. The other applicant is a kid about five years younger than me. He states in his application that he plans on going to school to pursue a degree in Natural Resources.

Bwahahahahhaha Now that means I have to be competent enough to explain that I actually have a degree in natural resources and have been around the block in terms of the issues. Basically to put it conservatively, I think I have a shot at this position.

If I get the nod I think at the first meeting I’ll look at the public access cameras and say something like,
“"I don't care what people are saying Uptown or wherever they are. This city will be chocolate at the end of the day," he said. "This city will be a majority African-American city. It's the way God wants it to be."
"How do you make chocolate? You take dark chocolate, you mix it with white milk, and it becomes a delicious drink. That is the chocolate I am talking about," he said. "New Orleans was a chocolate city before Katrina. It is going to be a chocolate city after. How is that divisive? It is white and black working together, coming together and making something special."
New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin

In a word, that would be epic!

When Nagin says that though, I keep thinking of a chocolate town where one could eat the Superdome and streetlights like in that one episode of the Simpsons. Actually the statement is great propaganda for chocolate. I wanna go and buy a Hershey bar right now. I wanna go to New Orleans and eat a crap load of chocolate.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Plugged Ears

there ain't much to the mystery
misery loves company
she just waves her hand and says whatever
well this ain't love this ain't love this ain't love at all

As of Sunday I could actually hear the clicking of my hands typing on my computer. Before that, all I could hear is my voice as if the volume were all the way up since my voice would seem to bounce off the fluid in my ear and then back to my throat. Then whenever I listen to the radio, all I need to do is open my mouth and I get this wind tunnel effect with the sound wanting to go through my mouth and into my ear.

Yeah it totally sucks especially when you constantly have to say “Wuh?” after everything said to you.

My other ear is now semi plugged (If I move my head back and to the side, I can actually move the fluid in a spot that doesn’t plug anything up. Of course it just moves back after awhile).

I remember when I had both ears plugged at the same time…

**diddylydoo diddlydoo diddlydoo****

Twas the Summer of ‘02 and I was hiking up in Sequoia National Park when I caught a cold and my ears were dreadfully infected. Oh it was bad because they were draining and it was sick and everything. I came back home and I could cover both ears with my hands and there was no difference, I may as well be wearing hearing protection because I couldn’t hear anything.

I was also starting out my semi-new job that week as well. Let me just say that it was very noticeable the people who are “soft” talkers and “loud” talkers because I couldn’t make out a sound from the soft talkers at all. I would get the stare and the moving lips but I couldn’t hear anything. I could hear me breathing like I was Darth Vader though. I had these new workers who would hardly talk when they’d speak and they had to almost shout in order for me to make out anything.

Then uh… I had ice cream

**back to reality**

What especially sucks is at night. The fluid will move from one end of my ear to the other and with it comes this weird suction sounding rumble.

Yeah it’s a bitch man. Fuckin A

Monday, January 16, 2006

Crappa Dappa Dingdong

You're in my mind all of the time
I know that's not enough
Well if the sky can crack there must be someway back
To love and only love

Lets get right down to it.

Crap List

1. That last review in that Pittsburgh/Indianapolis game.
Actually officiating as a whole on Sunday was fucking horrible but that Troy Palamaladingdong interception was a crock of horse shit! Late in the game Manning is starting to cry and force things to happen when he throws to a diving Troy paladkfjsoijfdu who: catches the ball, dives, gets up, and then fumbles. He did manage to recover the fumble but such a play gave the Steelers a victory.

The Colts review the play in grim desperation and somehow, someway the play is considered an incomplete pass. I believe it was something about a right knee being down if that means anything. It reminded me of watching the NBA playoffs of two years ago and how the Lakers (everyone bow down to the Lakers) never had one questionable call against them.

They showed the replay on CBS about 50 times and Phil Simms was about to read the list of credits after the ref was going to call the play as it stood. But no, they reversed the call because there was irreversible evidence on the review. The only possible solution is if someone from the booth was going crazy with a telestrator and drawing stick figures with another football because there was no such evidence.

None at all.

If that wasn’t enough, Pittsburgh lines up for a play and just about the entire Colts defense walks over the line of scrimmage with hands on hips until Rothlesbergergynskyopodopoulus snaps the ball. The play is immediately stopped.


You’d think there’d be a penalty somewhere, anywhere.

Take the flat out of your pants and call something! Illegal defense, illegal dry-humping, illegal use of the word “is”, or excessive swearing. ANY GOD DAMN THING AT ALL!!!

Don’t just call the play dead and have a re-do.

Then the non holding calls in those other games. Holy god…

2. Those turds at Tires Plus
Whenever I get my oil changed there’s always something wrong. Like clockwork they always call me up to the desk and explain to me what is wrong. I never have them fix anything because I know enough people to get 2nd, 3rd, and 4th opinions on the matter. I also don’t know much about automobiles but I do know enough about what most things are, what they do, and how they’re put in so I would say that I know more than those blind dopes running that Steelers/Colts game yesterday.

Manager: Yeah it seems that your serpentine belt has numerous stress fractures on it. I highly suggest you get that changed right away. We actually have one of those on hand and can install the belt.

(behind him is my car, all finished with oil change, simply waiting to be pulled out with a couple guys standing around it, waiting.)
Boof: Oh it’s a belt eh?
Manager: Oh not just a belt it’s the serpentine belt which….yadda yadda yadda.
Boof: If it’s a belt I’ll just put it on myself.
Manager: (sigh) well okay but it’s quite the deal. You gotta take out a bracket and uh everything.
Boof: Yeah I’m gonna do it elsewhere but thanks.

$175 to change a fucking belt! One seventy five!

I look at the belt with my dad and it’s not exactly in mint condition but it’s not worth sympathizing by a manager for either.

Those fucking turds there. At least I know I could get a job somewhere like that.

Boof: Ah sir, as it turns out your rotator threshold valve is badly damaged and your interlocking rear wheel differenencial topical cream applicator reservoir needs some more viscosity wheel fluid. We actually have all the parts here and can get the job done today if you’d like.

Customer: Ah no, I believe you were just making stuff up and I was watching you guys the whole time. You, for one, were just trying to jump through you arms the whole time and the others were playing hacky sack.

Boof: We’ll you see you’re going to pull right out that lot there and your Bonneville is simply going to implode as you signal for your left turn. Yes, you’re car will turn into a blackhole and you’ll die. Hey, it's science but okay, I can’t keep you here. I tried to help but whatever. Have a good day sir and don’t say that I warned you!

Yeah it would be a cake.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Wicked Picks

Button your lip. Don't let the shield slip.
Take a fresh grip on your bullet proof mask.
And if they try to break down your disguise with their questions
You can hide, hide, hide,

I got nothing so I’ll get right on to the weekend picks.

Last weekend I went 4-0 in my playoff picks and--short story shorter--I’m awesome.

This week I feel pretty confident I’ll do the same.

Washington @ Seattle
Ok here’s the deal with Seattle, they’re probably the most overrated #1 seed in the history of the NFL.

What are you talking about?
What about Shaun Alexander and how he dominated this year?
They were 8-0 at home!

Sure but HAVE YOU SEEN WHO THEY PLAYED THIS YEAR? They have played nobody
Here are the somewhat respectable teams,
Jacksonville (away): Lost 26-14
Atlanta (Home): Won 21-18
Washington (away): Lost 20-17
Dallas (Home): Won 13-10
NY Giants (Home): Won 24-21 OT This was the game where Feely missed like four field goals
Indianapolis (Home): Won 28-13 For the colts: the coach’s son committed suicide days before the game, Colts had nothing to play for whatsoever, and the players basically wanted to see what the city of Seattle was all about.

That’s if you even consider some of those teams to be quality.

What were the other teams they played you may ask?
Rams twice
Cards twice
49ers twice

Right there is 8 unbelievably easy games. For any average team, those should all be wins.

Then throw in,
Philly (with everyone injured)
Green Bay (who they managed to lose to because the game meant nothing)

Now imagine any halfway decent running back with a decent offensive line. Yeah that’s probably 1400 yards with just those sorry ass teams.

That would be an automatic playoff berth with 10 wins.

This is a schedule that is eerily close to the Gophers non conference schedule. I can’t believe no one has seen this yet. At least the Redskins (just picking a team) have played more quality teams in Dallas, Giants, Chicago, Denver, KC, Tampa Bay, San Diego… ect

My point is Seattle has had an unbelievably cupcake schedule and whenever they have played anyone halfway decent they’ve really struggled by winning by a field goal.

The record of all their opponents this year was 110-146 an average of 6.8 wins per team (and that’s including Indianapolis).

I don’t exactly understand why it would be an upset if Washington wins but I’m picking them. Seattle doesn’t impress me scoring 41 on the 49ers.

Redskins 24 Seahawks 13

New England @ Denver
It’s so hard to pick against the Patriots. Tom Brady has never lost a post season game and is currently 10-0? Forget Elway, Marino, Favre, Unitas, or Starr, that is unbelievable. 3 superbowl wins, 10 victories, and he’s only been the starter for five years?
Good lord.

Meanwhile Denver has Jake Plummer… wow.

I gotta pick the Patriots
Patriots 31 Broncos 23

Pittsburgh @ Indianapolis
Then there’s Rothlesdjsoijewjiweberger who has a record of 23-3 as a starter which is pretty cool. Last time Manning kept shouting and changing crap just before he would take the snap (that bitch). I guess I’m going to go with the Colts because they’ve been doing nothing for two weeks and they haven’t had that “emotional win for Dungy” yet.

Colts 45 Pittsburgh 28

Carolina @ Chicago
So everyone feels so confident about Rex Grossman now. Even if the guy has never played a playoff game, played only 6 quarters (4 against the Packers), and has sat four months out. Yeah right, I’m not going to pick the damn Bears. I do think they’re a better team than Seattle though.

Carolina 24 Bears 17

Have a good weekend everyone.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Kinda Quick Bits

Well he jumps in the taxi, headed for the sky
He's off to slay some demon dragonfly
And he looked at me, that long last time
Turned away again and I waved goodbye

-I wasn’t all that thrilled with how I ended the NFL picks between us bloggers. I just said it in one little blurb and it wasn’t even close to being satisfying.

Here we go.

5th place: Alie
Alie started out the season doing alright and then just said, “the hell with this” which is kinda what we all were thinking. She actually did it though.

4th place: Eric
Every week Eric would email me with “I pick the home teams” or “I pick all the teams closer to New Jersey” which shows that you can pick whoever you want and still be close to .500.

3th Place: Ron
Not too bad for skipping a couple weeks. Had he played those two he’d have been right up there with me and Hannes.

First runner up: Boof
Boof showed his true heroism by picking great picks. He truly is an inspiration to us all. God Bless Boof.

1st Place: Hannes
He did alright.

-With 4:15 left in the first half, the Gopher/Badger game at Williams arena was 25-6. Twenty five points at 4:15 is considered to be a low score but six? Reggie Miller scored nine points in like 7 seconds and it took the Gophers just over 15 minutes. Holy god damn crap!

-I think my boss actually gets it.

Boss: So why the hell is “fuck-face” emailing you all this?
Boof: I have no idea. He’s off base on a number of things and I’m beginning to think he’s crazy.
Boss: Hmmm...Ya know, just ignore him if he keeps pulling this shit. For some fucking reason he doesn’t understand that you have a job.

That was probably my highest moment during my ten days of being sick.

-My right ear is still completely plugged which leads to numerous small awkward situations in conversations. During a conversation someone will say something under their breath in an attempt to “talk shit” about someone nearby. I then have two choices: Yell out “WHAT?” or just smile and nod. I tend to do the latter and I’ll do that to open ended questions like,
Doctor in really low voice: So how do you like your job?
Boof nodding: oh ok

I can tell it wasn’t the desired question when they give me the “oh, you’re retarded shhhhh sorry” type look.

-I was right, David Gilmour is going on tour and it’s got only a couple North American dates. He’s only playing 5 North American cities with Chicago being one of them.

So I shelled out $110 for a Thursday night concert in Chicago to see a 60 year old. Sweet.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Let's talk about Duck Tales

Standin' in front just shakin' your ass
I'll take you back stage you can drink from my glass
Talk about something you can sure understand
Cause a month on the road and I'll be eatin' from your hand.

1989 opinion

Duck Tales is great.

Huey, Dewy, and Lewy are my favorists characters. Scrooge is radical, Launchpad is kinda cool, and bubba duck is gnarly.

My favorite episode is where they were stuck in the temple of gold and they had gold fever.

I really like Duck Tales

2006 Opinion
Duck Tales was great.


Who the hell would dare own a money bin? The arrogance, the ignorance, and the message it sends to all the citizens of Duckville.
“I’m richer than yo asses combined. I’m so rich I need a giant fucking bin for it, so look at it all the time why don‘t ya.”

Scrooge McDuck has got to be the most arrogant cartoon character ever. The guy--er duck-- has a giant money bin over looking the town of (was it Duckville?) Not only that, it’s the biggest structure in that town. Whenever a citizen of Duckville wants to look east they have to look at Scrooge McDuck’s greed.

Then, one of his hobbies is to actually swim in all that money. He’s got a freakin diving board and everything! Carl Pohlad doesn’t even do that.

Who the heck runs Duckville? Why doesn’t that person send a memo to Scrooge to invest a little bit and put some of that money back into society. Why sit and swim in all those liquid assets when Duckville will need a new library or need some extra money to make sure the local corporation doesn’t move out of town for a cheaper country.

How did Huey, Dewey, and louie come about too? Were they Donald’s illegitimate kids or something?

Why is there no female character in that cartoon? Every cartoon had a female presence (even Transformers with their “female” robot RC).

Seriously it takes some serious balls to show off that wealth the way Scrooge does but I still like that show.

I remember how those popsicles that took them back in time looked so good. I wanted a popsicle that would take me back in time. That would be awesome.

I still think that temple of gold episode was one of the best episodes in the history of cartoons.

That’s all I got.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Bye Tice

The flags are waving, the news is breaking
See the man who can't pick out his own tie
If i've been taught from the beginning
Would my fears now be winning?

The Mike Tice reign of terror is now over and I couldn’t be more happy. Actually I’m not that happy because the guy did like his job and showed an amazing sense of humility as he left. I was actually really feeling for the guy as he made is final press conference with tears in his eyes. Not only that but he was being very classy about it too.

It was at that point where another coach would’ve vented like no one else before.

“It would’ve been a whole lot better had our previous owner not managed to actually be more frugal than Carl Pohlad. When an owner refuses to pay for an offensive coordinator and instead has another coach absorb those responsibilities, it’s a little ridiculous.”

Something like that because Tice, as many calls as he screwed up, did have a cheap ass owner looking over his shoulder the whole time. The Vikings had a fucking garage sale of all things just to make some petty cash.

Or maybe this,
“How the hell is one supposed to coach this team when they’re all using double headed sex toys on Lake Minnetonka? I worked for dirt cheap. Even the local college football coach makes more than me. Fuck this owner and the last one too.”

Nah the guy didn’t have anything negative to say and just praised everyone. It was a nice touch.

This new guy, Brad Childress (who looks like Dale Earnhardt), doesn’t seem the one that will tell everyone his gameplan like Tice would a couple days before the game. A normal coach wouldn’t think of doing such a thing. A normal coach would do more of what Denny Green did and run away from any kind of criticism.

It’s weird because as much as I didn’t care for Tice as a coach, I really was a bit sad to see him go. His last phone calls to the local radio talk show were genuine and sincere.
“I’m a teacher. It’s all I know.”

It definitely wasn’t too much about the money because he would’ve definitely made more as an assistant coach elsewhere. The guy had to deal with dumbass Viking fans, stupid bloggers, annoying Twin Cities media, dumbass players, and cheap-ass owners and yet he didn’t resign.

He should’ve been fired last year but I do appreciate his determination, class, and humility.


Monday, January 09, 2006

I Beat Hog. Again

(Right now) Hey! It's your tomorrow
(Right now) Come on, it's everything
(Right now) Catch your magic moment
Do it right here and now
It means everything

They say it’s hard to beat a team three times in one season.
Actually, it’s pretty god damn easy. Bwahahahahahha

Good game, good game


Crap List

1. ESPN and Texas
On Wednesday when I had “Rose Bowl Fever” (as some of my co-workers say) I had the privilege of watching that great game. Before the game all you ever heard about was the 34 game winning streak by USC, Matt Lienert, Reggie Bush, Pete Carrol, Three peat, and the past two heisman trophy winners. Meanwhile ESPN constantly would post polls about all time college teams between the 2005 USC team and whatever other all time time. USC hadn’t played Texas and they were already being compared (and analyzed on the air) with the best teams of the past twenty years. Texas winning was considered a “huge upset” by ESPN.

I would call that a lack of respect. Texas, on the other hand, were also undefeated, played a tough schedule, and had a great quarterback (which really didn’t see half as much press as Leinart) and they still were overlooked. Don’t get me wrong I don’t care for Texas at all. In fact I usually root against them, but this year they were certainly worthy of objective reporting. I mean they did beat Ohio St. in Columbus.

Anyway, after the Rose Bowl, Vince Young briefly states how Texas was overlooked and the ESPN analysts were all up in arms,
“Oh I disagree with that mark. We always gave Texas their due.”
“I think he was a little of base with that comment. We love Texas.”

What a bunch of fucking hypocrites. If you compared USC to past national champions, you overlooked Texas. If you actually analyzed the best offensive teams to USC, you overlooked Texas. If you actually acknowledged those stupid polls, you overlooked Texas. Now I see they actually replaced USC in those polls with the 2005 Longhorns.

Shameless, completely shameless.

God damn why does ESPN have to suck so much?

2. Brady Quinn’s sister
What….is with all the attention? Yeah she’s A.J. Hawk’s girlfriend and Brady Quinn’s sister but SHE IS NOT GOOD LOOKING. In the hottie spectrum she’s on the Sarah Jessica Parker side than anything close to the woman.
I could walk out to the mall right now and pick out ten women that look better than her SO QUIT SHOWING HER ON TV!!!!
When they showed her on TV just about every person around her looked extremely more human.
If anything, all her makeup makes her look really god damn ugly.

3. “I don’t disagree”
I’ve heard this on national TV more than I would like to hear. Using a double negative with only a three word sentence is quite remarkable. It’s quite stupid too.

If any professional radio talk show host or columnist or anyone that speaks in public uses these words: fire them.

I thought everyone knew the fundamentals of the English language but the national analysts apparently do not.

4. Dudes Wearing Pink Shirts
I went out shopping on Saturday to celebrate the first time I willingly wanted to leave my apartment. I went looking for decent clothes and I noticed that there are quite a few pink dress shirts on the racks.

If you are a guy and you own a pink shirt you either: A.) are gay B.) are blind or C.) are owned by your girlfriend.

No self respecting guy wears pink shirts. Anywhere. Not even on Easter Sunday. I know some women believe that a man is more comfortable in their masculinity by wearing a pink shirt but if that’s the case, how far does it go?

If a guy can wear a clown outfit and still say that he’s comfortable in his dignity that’s either completely stupid or extremely brave. Actually it’s not either. It’s just stupid. If a woman gets off on a guy wearing a pink shirt, tell her to listen to Johnny Cash’s 'Cocaine Blues' and shut the fuck up.

Pink shirts look stupid on guys.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Viruses 2X (and picks)

You fall to your knees
You embrace the storm
You no longer care
If it's cold or if it's warm

I think those bastard viruses have left and here I am downtrodden and a shell of my former self.

The story of my viruses.

Sunday, December 25
I was watching the Vikings game with Hog and I noticed my throat was unusually dry. It didn’t hurt or anything and I actually thought there was something wrong with the heat register pumping out dry heat or something. I kept drinking water but it wouldn’t go away.

I felt a little funny and the dry throat was still there. I also noticed I would walk up the steps and get winded easily, but I didn’t think any different.

Boof: Hey, you wanna go see King Kong?
Raymond: I probably shouldn’t. F is sick and he gave us all his sickness.

That’s when it hit me.
I caught F’s sickness (probably)

I was over at Raymond’s place on that Friday before and did indeed notice F being sick.


And in went Billy virus sliding down the esophagus and ready to cause some high jinx.

“Oh where do I start?” said Billy virus as he looks around the insides of Tom. Billy was just a little virus with high expectations. Tom was is first host and he wanted to make sure he left is mark.

“Let’s see, I’ll start out with a nagging dry throat, a little fatigue, and I’ll see if I can get that right ear a little plugged.” thought Billy Virus.

Tom was a pretty good host because he doesn’t know how to eat or live right.
“bwaahahahaha POW” Tom said with a mouth full of powdered sugar doughnuts while watching Saturday’s NFL games.

Slowly and surely Tom was feeling a little more tired than usual and started drinking tons of orange juice.

The slight colt was just that and it was nothing in terms of ill feelings. In fact on Thursday I looked up at the ceiling and exclaimed,
“I’M BETTER!” and smiled my way through the corridors at work.

Saturday, “New Years Eve”
Billy Virus was packing up his bags and started to say his goodbyes because the white blood cells were starting to piss him off.
“Oh where should I go from here?” said Billy virus. Just then a splash of Champaign came down and with it came bad ass Vinny Virus.

Vinny was a tall, strong virus with poise and intellect. Billy was in awe as he appeared.

“Hello Kid, how’s this host been treating ya?” asked Vinny Virus.
“Not bad. Tom’s just too strong for me. I can’t sustain anything for longer than a day.” Billy said frustrated.
“Don’t worry kid, I’ve been around the game for awhile I’ll show you some tricks. Just show me around.”

And Billy did. He showed Vinny the gut rot of barbequed meatballs, the bacon wrapped sausages, the Krispy Kreme doughnuts, and how everything was drenched in Coca cola.

“What you gotta do is get the guy really tired and fatigued. I see you have the right idea but you gotta REALLY get him tired.” said Vinny as he pointed his finger toward the mouth.

“Then you gotta do the standard snot in the nose bit and I think his ear could use more fluid up there.” and he waved his hands and sure enough Tom’s ears were full of fluid.

“Now give him a caffeine headache, a powder white face, and my own special trick I’ve been working on, two completely blood shot eyes.” and it was done. Vinny had completely owned Tom. It was remarkably effective work by this new super powered virus.

Come Tuesday I felt like complete crap. I actually went to work that day and had fantasies of decapitating myself since all my sickness was in my head. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, I couldn’t hear anyone, and whenever I talked it sounded like I was shouting.

I came home that night and went right to bed and turned on the soothing sounds of public radio (of all things). It was actually really soothing and comforting hearing all those English voices and learning all about the tin can.
I woke up the next morning and instantly called in sick. The first time in almost ten years that I have called in sick for anything and it was definitely needed. I slept all day and drank a gallon of water in the process. I also even got to watch that awesome Rose Bowl too.

Whatever it was, I got it bad and I hope I got it out of my system.

What’s weird is the moment you feel better and you look around your apartment and gaze all the endless snot rags scattered around the room.


Playoff picks.

Washington @ Tampa Bay
Ah… I don’t know. Do the NFC playoffs really mean anything? I certainly don’t think so.
Redskins 21 Bucs 20

Jacksonville @ New England
And New England was complaining about having no respect. How about the Jaguars who are 12-4 and still have to play as a wildcard? I don’t think the media thinks they’re alive. Probably rightfully so seeing as I wont be betting against the Patriots during these playoffs.
Patriots 28 Jaguars 9

Carolina @ NY Giants
I’ll tell you how pathetic I think the NFC is, I think any team in the AFC can beat every team in the NFC. That’s right, I easily think the Steelers could spank the Seahawks in Seattle. They shouldn’t even play the NFC playoffs as far as I’m concerned
Panthers 27 Giants 24

Pittsburgh @ Cincinnati
This is the match up I’ve been waiting for. The Bengals have been playing like crap lately and the Steelers have a crazy defense.

I’m going for all the road teams
Steelers 30 Bengals 13

Whatever, ya know?

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

everything tastes like snot

ugh.... I'm sick.

I post again when my body wants to regain life again.

Monday, January 02, 2006

New Years Crap

There's a blade by the bed
And a phone in my hand
A dog on the floor
And some cash on the nightstand

Happy New Year everyone.

Here’s some crap.

1. New Years Rockin’ Eve
Someone has to say it and there’s no decent way of conveying the message. But, Dick Clark (like he really reads this blog), perhaps it’s time to step down. Just go out and enjoy life a little bit. You have all the money one could ask for and a year isn’t going to be destroyed if people don’t have a chance to see you.
For that matter, SOMEONE should’ve told him that he could make an appearance as long as he doesn’t talk because listening to him talk was…awkward, painful, and unnecessary. The man had a stroke earlier in the month and he played it down like it was just gut rot.
But imagine rockin out to New Years rockin eve (if that’s your cup of tea) and fat Mariah Carey is there, Hillary Duff is talking about something, Ryan Seacrest is functioning properly, and the Bangles are looking better than anyone. Then comes Dick Clark and he’s struggling to read the teleprompter and you’re looking at the person next to you like, ‘Are they really letting him on the air like this?’ and you leave the living room bewildered.

2. Who would win between the 1908 Wolverines VS. 2005 USC?

How bout you play Texas first before you compare USC vs. the all-time greats. Last time I checked this was supposed to be a decent game, so why the fuck is ESPN ramming this daily poll of crap? Yeah I know Reggie Bush can destroy college defenses, yeah Matt Leinhart is a LA celebrity, yeah USC is good but good lord, wait until after the Rose Bowl to make these stupid polls.

3. Gophers sign Glen Mason to five years.
The most delusional fans ever are U of M alumni. A lot of them think Mason ranks up there with Stoops, Bowden, and Paterno. Some even think that Penn St. will want Mason when Paterno retires. When Mason loses it’s because of the lack of facilities and an outdoor, on campus stadium. When he wins it’s just good coaching.
Therefore, he can have his cake and eat it all he wants here at the U.

ARE YOU PEOPLE ON CRACK????? Mason has defeated a Penn St. team when they were the best in the country and Ohio St. and…Lakeland dental academy nine times in a row. Why the hell would we re sign this guy? Why the hell would we give him a raise for mediocrity?

4. Picks.

Hannes beat me by one damn game