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Thursday, January 26, 2006

1/26 Bits

Who was breaking away from the pack
Who was only a stranger at home
Who was ground down in the end
Who was found dead on the phone
Who was dragged down by the stone

-I had my interview the other day for that environmental voluntary position and everything seemingly went well. I had four members of the city council--and not the committee that I was applying for--interview me for a seat. After five minutes of answering some easy open ended questions, I made my way back home.

The announcement was going to be presented at the city council meeting later that night so I actually watched the announcement on tv and bam, got the job which is kinda cool.
I actually have a job (even though it’s voluntary) in what I went to school for.

-Kobe scores 81
People are saying that this is one of the best performances ever. Well….
While I agree that if you’ve got a hot hand, shoot the ball as much as possible and he definitely had the hot hand last night, it just seems a little boring and irritating to me to know that a defense is letting him do this. It’s also irritating to pay money and watch someone score 81 god damn points. At what point do you just throw your hands up and say,
“For the love of god, cover the man!” or “Lemme guess, Kobe shoots and scores. Yay (clap…clap).”

Without a doubt Wilt Chamberlain scoring 100 points in one game is a huge accomplishment but watching the game would have to be like someone watching me play Madden ‘95 where I would just try to see how high of a score I could rake up with Deion Sanders’ 15 speed, onside and grabbing the ball every time, and running the hook and ladder. Tangent: I had him down for like 20 TD and 1500 yards in many games. Some games were competitive (in that I would try to score 200 points before the clock ran out) but I wouldn’t exactly call it game breaking stuff.


Kobe wasn’t even playing NBA Jam that night.


-Titanic
I was watching a documentary on Titanic the other day and it got me thinking about all those Irish workers who worked so hard on the vessel. Just imagine being one of those Irishmen spending years of your life building what would become the biggest object made by the hands of man. So you spend a couple years going to the same dock working on the same structure until the ship is complete. You take a Saturday afternoon to take a hard look and what you worked so hard to create. You’ve been working endless 60 hour weeks sacrificing your health and body busting your ass for the White Star Line and now you have some proof that the past couple years haven’t been wasted. It’s definitely something to tell your grandchildren about.

Then a couple days later after the maiden voyage you find out that the entire structure is sitting at the bottom of the ocean.
Bwahaha It’s gotta be like building a house and then a Tornado comes and takes it away before the carpet is even installed.

-My Mom told me that one time when I was a kid I was playing at Lake Phalen Park (where my parents would take me and my bro to cool off) where I approached a large looking man walking along the lakeside. I darted in front of the guy and made him stop in his tracks. I then pointed at him and said,
“You’re faaaaaaaaat.” and then proceed with my running around and throwing sand.

Apparently that man was Louie Anderson.

I don’t know if that story is true or not because she’s also told me that my first word was “McDonalds” which may or may not be true.

-5.1 sound
You know you can actually take out the announcers audio track while watching a football game with 5.1 surround? All you need to do is unplug the center speaker and--WHAM! No more Joe Buck. I tried this last weekend and it’s fucking awesome. Without the announcers you can have a better feel for the atmosphere. You can hear the PA announcer, the actual fans, and even a bit of the audio from the camera that hovers above the huddle.

My gift to you…if you have 5.1.

-I’m at the point now where if there’s someone I know that I haven’t seen in over a year, I’ll just flat out ignore them. Late night I’m going shopping for some chips when I see a face from my boy scout days. This kid (now guy) was the biggest goody-goody ever and I fucking hated his dad with a passion (no, he didn’t rape me) but he was number one on my personal crap list for a good portion of my life. Anyway I see this guy at the checkout counter and he’s waiting for his girlfriend to get off of work. His girlfriend was having trouble at the counter and it took about 20 minutes to get everything situated. All I wanted was my god damn Fritos and not any bullshit small talk so I neglected him as much as I could. I noticed he gave me that look like,
“I think I know you…” but I wasn’t going to have any of that.
Funk dat.

-My blog has been linked to some crazy site that brings people to one of my archives from last April. I have no damn clue where these people are coming from. Someone told me that it was in reference to me saying “Big large poofy asses” or something. I guess that sounds about right.

-Someone was telling me that if Sarah Jessica Parker was in bed that, despite how emotional I get about her ugliness, I wouldn’t kick her out of bed.
Let me paint a picture,
I’m going through some killer REM sleep when I suddenly wake up and I notice someone across the bed from me. I put my arm around her ready to spoon when she turns around. That’s when my groggy eyes turn wide open and say,
“WHAT THE HELL IS A HORSE DOING IN MY BED? HOW THE FUCK DID THIS THOUROUGHBRED REJECT GET BETWEEN MY SHEETS? OH SWEET JESUS I JUST FUCKED A BUDWEISER MASCOT!” and that’s when I stand up with my hands on my hips in bitter disappointment.

“I’m never drinking again. EVER!”

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